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Why is parenting so hard?


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Barry, it is our "job" to worry. That is what parents do. And as my late mother told me, once a mother, always a mother, even to 40 year old "kids."

 

I remember a phone conversation I had with my grandmother once. She was about 95 and in ailing health. My mother was in her early sixties and I in my early thirties. My father had passed away about five years earlier. Anyway, my grandmother was worried about her daughter (my mom) and told me to be sure to take care of her. The funny part was her comment about how my mom was getting older and couldn't do as much as she used to any more. So there you have it, even at 95, she was still a mother worrying about her youngest daughter.

 

I am the father of two teenage boys (they are not quite "evil" just yet) ages 14 and 13. However, my ten year old daughter (going on 18) already has heated battles with her mother about clothes, makeup, etc.

 

 

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copyrighted by Bruce Cameron...my 16 year daughter cringes when I suggest relaying these rules to her male friends (all of whom seem perfectly non-evil)...

 

Daddy's Daughter - Rules for the boyfriends

 

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

 

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

 

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

 

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

 

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early".

 

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

 

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

 

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.

2. Places where there is darkness.

3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.

5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are OK.

6. Hockey games are okay.

7. Old folks homes are better.

 

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

 

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

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Fingers crossed and prayers sent. Both of my boys went without me and managed to come back even tho I paid good money to have them left up there. ;)

 

Semper, thanks I needed that chuckle and it reminds me that I have put off filling in the tiger pits in the back yard. Boys have moved out and I have no need for the pits anymore. Besides they are big enough now to climb out of them and I do not feel up to digging them any deeper.

 

yis

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wooden 'S'tool surely. Is there a need for wooden gardening implements in ensuring the safety of our daughters?

 

Great list though. I just printed it several times and have an order for a painted sign that is as large as the side wall of the house bearing these rules for all to see.

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...and Barry you might fear for your boys' safety but in allowing him to put it at risk you can be sure of the health of his soul.

 

The expression is not mine but I like it and I look forward to experiencing your worry.

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Little tail about a smart daughter. Years ago when my daughter was in her mid teens Henry and I had her out at a street festival with us. She always looked older than she was. This guy keep hitting on her and wanting her number. It bothered her and she said something to Henry(stepfather) He wrote a number down on a piece of paper and gave it to her and told her to tell the guy he could call her at work. She did. She ask him what the number was to. He laughed and said the local police dept. The guy never tried to contact her again. When she moved to Chicago in 93 she said the first thing she did was get the main number for the PD and write on a card in her wallet. If a guy kept pushing for her number and she didn't feel like she wanted to give it to him she would give him that number.

 

She is now 36 and is a force to be reckened with.

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Yes all of what ya'll have said sounds true and correct. But let me tell you this...

 

If one of your cute little teenage daughters happens to fall in love with one of my absolutely gorgeous and technically perfect sons and they happen to marry she had better be worthy of this MAMA. ;)

 

Of course I also have two daughters, but I'll let their father worry about them.

 

Carol

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I don't know anything about daughters. We only have the one boy child.

All three dogs were males at one one time!!

I'm not so sure parenting is that hard.

Her Who Must Be Obeyed,was never a great lover of kids and didn't like babies that much. When she found out she was going to have a baby she said that she wanted a boy with blue eyes. Her eyes are green and mine are brown. OJ was the baldest baby ever,when he did finally get hair it was blond and went well with his blue eyes and his dimple. I remember one day when she was in my bad books, I was cross and said that even God wasn't going to go against her!! His hair is now brown, but somewhere he has managed to get a mop of curls. Neither of us know where they came from.

When he was little people told me I was spoiling him. At that time I was so far in debt I wasn't able to spent very much on him and I am certain that you can't hold a child too much, kiss him too often, talk to him too much or play with him enough.

This is the first summer that we have not been at home together. He is working at camp, then he is off to the Jambo and then off to New Mexico. I really miss him.

He is 17 next week and is now almost a man.He has his own way of doing things, which are not always the same way as mine.Everyone compliments me on how polite and well mannered he is. I lap that up!

His friends all seem like nice kids and they seem to enjoy spending time at our house.

He passed his driving test a couple of months back and that is the only thing that worries me. I can't ever see him doing drugs, or drinking.

He wants to become a teacher and teach math. He really does put his heart and soul into his school work.

All in all he is a great Lad.

I give thanks for being allowed to be his Dad.

I will keep Kyle in my prayers.

Eamonn.

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