Parental tiger cub problems

[nutz4scouting]

I've been the Tiger cub leader since last August.

Nobody else would volunteer.

Last night our Cubmaster came to our meeting & told me that a couple of parents said I wasn't running the program like last year. They were going to pull their kid's out.they want me out as leader.

I told the Cubmaster that it's supposed to be parent/scout run anyway.

I'm the only one that has taken all the training(more than what I need) for this position. They're done with Tiger Cubs in May,anyway.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back. No one has come up to me,& offered any advice,or offered to help.

Should I draft a letter to the Tiger Cub parents,or let this lie?

 

[OldGreyEagle]

Gee Nutz, I'll bet its like getting kicked in the stomach, or worse. The problem is, as you say, if the program is over in May, I am not sure what the Pack could do or should do if anything. Next, I would think about what the Cubmaster said. A couple parents, makes me wonder about how big the Den is, and how many parents think you are doing fine and wouldn't have any idea about what was going on if you wrote a letter. I have never seen any letter written in such circumstances ever reach the intended the target. If there are a few people who think you should be out, your letter will only serve to confirm their feelings of you and could distnace those who like what you have done.

 

My advice, laugh it off, you know you cant please all of the people all of the tme

[nutz4scouting]

We have 12 Tigers.

I've personally bought the tiger cub flag, given small gifts(compass,flashlights,etc). for rewards. I made the suggestion last November to split into two dens. Everyone said one was fine.

 

[nutz4scouting]

We have 12 Tigers.

I've personally bought the tiger cub flag, given small gifts(compass,flashlights,etc). for rewards. I made the suggestion last November to split into two dens. Everyone said one was fine.

 

[scoutingagain]

I tend to agree with OGE. You can't please everyone, and if no one else is willing to volunteer what can happen? If someone else wants to step up to the plate, you can split your den as you suggested.

 

I would tell the Cubmaster your sorry to hear that feedback and if he could identify specific concerns you would be willing to review them to see if changes need to be made. If there's nothing specific, there's nothing you can do at this point.

 

Keep up the good work and don't let those that would complain and not help out ruffle your feathers.

 

SA

 

[anarchist]

nutz4scouting,

 

Do your best...(as long as it's within the BSA guidelines)and like a duck, let the rain roll off your back...

 

In a large den there will be some... er...problematic parents. If you have a strong stomach, you might want to email all of your parents and say that the Cub Master has indicated a few parents have 'issues' and you would like to 'air these out', first hand to see if any adjustments need to be made...and you'll buy the coffee...'bets', no one takes you up on it...

 

then continue to do your best...

note: 'way back when', I had a couple of parents who had issues with my handling of our 14 boy den...(no one would step up to be a DL so that we could split the den)

 

After speaking with the parents I gave the SM a heads up that complaints were coming his way and his answer was, "It's you den, its yours to run your way...unless they want to take your place" ( I believe he chuckled when he said that). Afterwards, one parent did offer to split the den and no other parent/scouts went 'over'...mom stopped coming (just left it to dad to get her boy to the den meetings) and interestingly about a year ago the other parent stopped me outside the church and out of the blue wanted to 'thank me' as a major reason his son was still in Scouting and doing fairly well(Life)...funny thing, the way some things just 'work' themselves out, huh?!

good scouting there is a long fun filled road ahead...with a fair share of bumps...just grin and 'bear' it!

YiS

Anarchist

[ScoutNut]

What could you possibly be doing in April that is SO much different than what you were doing in August that some parents are threatening to pull their boys out of Scouts?

 

That is a pretty drastic consequence.

 

Talk to your CM & find out just what, specificly, the complaints are & where this is coming from.

 

I would not send out a blanket letter to all Tiger families. You might want to talk to the complaining families only, face to face with your CM, but a letter to all 14 families sounds unnecessary.

 

[Laurie]

That had to hurt. I'm sorry you're in this situation, especially since you're not even sure what the situation is.

 

The CM said some a couple of parents said you're not running the program like last year. Did he say who the parents were? Are they parents of boys in the den? How would they know what last year was like?

 

Don't write a letter to the parents, though perhaps one to the CM asking for specifics of the complaints with a copy to the CC might be helpful. There is so little time left, and this sounds like it came out of the blue. I think the BEST thing to do is to find out who the parents are, then to speak with them directly.

[falcon93]

They are all right nutz. You said it best yourself 1) you have been to more than enough training and 2) NO ONE else has stepped up to help.

 

Anyone I hear complain, I start digging for an application for them to sign up and start helping. Sometimes they do, sometimes they shut up and flow with it.

 

If you loose 2, there will be 3 more to replace them down the road. I hated loosing scouts, but sometimes it is out of your control and falls back on the parents being responsible and dedicated. If they aren't, the kid doesn't have a chance unless we start busing them in like school.

 

 

 

 

[EagleInKY]

Nuts -

 

I'm sorry to hear you're having to go through this. Unfortunately, when someone steps up to lead, there is always someone that will try to knock them down. Let me first encourage you to not stoop to their level. I've been thinking about how to approach this. I've had a similar situation recently, and have learned a few things (the hard way). While I agree in the "you can't please all of the people" POV, you do want to make sure you're not doing anything blatent that is effecting more than a couple of people.

 

Here's what I'd possibly do. Very soon you'll be at the end of the year. Have a fun year-end blow-out. A pizza party or a picnic would be great. Ask everyone to come, including both parents. While the kids are having fun, say a few words to the parents. Make it very positive, thank them for participating with scouts this year and talk about some of the fun things ahead for them as Wolves, Bears and even Webelos.

 

Then, and this is the good part, tell them that you are planning on continuing to lead, but are always looking for ideas and help, and that you are willing to share the leadership burden. These kids are great, but it's a big job for one person. Make this offer very genuine and positive.

 

What you've done is put the burden on them. If they still leave, then at least you've made the offer. The other parents will see that as well.

 

(Also, when you say this to them, look them eye-to-eye. You'll probably figure out who talked to the CM.)

[Lynda J]

What about the program are you doing different than "last year" And did these parents have boys in Tigers last year? What would really chap me is the fact that these parents didn't have the guts to come to you if they had a problem.

Had a parent go behind my back once. When I found out I confronted her about it. She said she just didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I told her that my feelings were hurt more because I had felt like she trusted me with her daughter and suddenly it was obvious that she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me.

It all worked out and her daughter was in my GS troop until she graduated from high school.

[nutz4scouting]

The CM said he would rather replace a leader,than lose 2-3 scouts.

He never said who the parents were,but this had been going on awhile.

(They're feelings about me,I guess) I told him he could have come to me 6 months ago, & we could have figured this out.

I know who it is,I believe,but I'm not going to say anything to her,

(she is one that believes she can do everything better,& that if something goes wrong,she is the first to complain about it,but not to your face. Thank You all for your advice. Thats what makes this site so cool!! Nutz

[EagleInKY]

The CM said he would rather replace a leader,than lose 2-3 scouts.

 

Your CM has it backwards. As much as I'd hate to lose anyone, I would rather lose 2-3 scouts than one good leader (which, I am assuming you are).

 

The reason... simple. From what I've seen, most units are lucky to have one good leader for every 4-8 boys. Assuming a ratio like that, it's hurt 4-6 boys more than the 2-3 that leave. And besides, at this young age, there are plenty of boys still to come into Cub Scouting. But, if there is no leader there for them, they won't come.

 

Chances are, this complainer will have problems with the next leader and end up leaving anyway. Assuming you are the good leader that I think you are, then I strongly encourage you to stay. And, btw, it's not the CM's decision.

[Laurie]

Here's what I'd possibly do. Very soon you'll be at the end of the year. Have a fun year-end blow-out. A pizza party or a picnic would be great. Ask everyone to come, including both parents. While the kids are having fun, say a few words to the parents. Make it very positive, thank them for participating with scouts this year and talk about some of the fun things ahead for them as Wolves, Bears and even Webelos.

 

Then, and this is the good part, tell them that you are planning on continuing to lead, but are always looking for ideas and help, and that you are willing to share the leadership burden. These kids are great, but it's a big job for one person. Make this offer very genuine and positive.

 

Oh, I like that approach. Way better than a letter. I have done this type of thing when in the workforce and when serving on boards. The CM was, IMO, way out of line. As a former CM, I believed that my role was to support the DLs in order to allow them to do the best they could for the boys, and to also work alongside them to plan the monthly pack meetings/events. Please keep us posted. This is a tough situation, and you're already hurt--rightfully so, and you may face a bit more of that before the year wraps up. Serving carries a risk, and the type of person you think may be the problem won't change just because she gets her way. She'll simply aim her complaints at someone else. Hmmm...maybe even at the CM. Can you talk to your CC about this? Maybe get some perspective from that person? Keep it positive, but ask if there's something you could improve on or something that you may missing. Again, I'm real sorry--this is a tough place to be.

 

[nutz4scouting]

My end of the year blow out is(was) this.

One of the parents is an FAA pilot. He has access to a Bi wing, an old Russian prop fighter plane,& he owns a Cessna.

He and I have been working on him flying one of these to our local airport & taking the tiger cubs up in one of these planes. I already have his flight hours, & permits all in place.

Then we were going to cook out at the airport.