ASM/

[EagleScout316]

As an ASM, I'm unsure about the mannerisms of how to speak inbetween Scouts and adults. You see, I'm 20 years of age, which places me as an adult in scouts, but as a young adult compared to these older guys in charge. I've usually been calling them by their first names, as we all work together. As for scouts, they've been calling me by my first name. Any tips on etiquette?

-ES 3:16

[Eamonn]

Hi EagleScout316

We have in the past looked at this and in my view the best thing to call people is what they want to be called.

I much prefer that people call me by my first name and am not keen on being called Mr anything. My son wants to be called OJ,at this time he doesn't want to be called Oliver.

I ask people what they want to be called,some people like Bill, Bob and so on.

Some little while back there was a good thread on nicknames,these are nice if the person who is being called the nickname is happy with it and it doesn't cross that very fine line and become teasing or hazing.

Some people are very proud of their titles. I have two very dear and close friends one an MD and the other a PhD. In everyday conversation I call them either Doc or by their first name and they are both fine with that, however at a recent dinner where name tags were used they were both very upset when their name tags didn't include their title.

Back home I know several people who have titles most are happy to not use them, I however make it a rule to ask first, in fact most of these guys will let me know after a few "Your Lordship or Sir's" what they want.

In my son's Troop the adults are a mix of people who are Mr Somebody and people who are called by their first name or nickname. The Scouts are happy and don't seem to think that using a leaders first name is in any way a sign of disrespect and on the other hand don't seem to think calling someone Mr. Is out of order.

So it boils down to what do you want to be called?

Eamonn

[nutz4scouting]

I prefer Mr. Nutz

[EagleScout316]

Well, I'm pretty good with either David or Dave. Mr. Van Roeyen makes me seem like I'm 10 years older than I actually am. The other problem I had with names was that when one of the scouts asked me a question, I didn't know the answer, and said, "Why don't you ask Mr. Rip or Sean?" They are both adults, yet Sean is the SM. Now, all the scouts call him by his last name, Mr. Bontkowski, or Mr. B, so of course, I immediately felt in the wrong by calling him Sean infront of the scouts. This is where I'm at an impass, and need some more direction.

[Eamonn]

What does he want the Scouts to call him?

I would ask him and use that.

Eamonn

[Torveaux]

I would have to disagree a bit with Eamonn here.

 

I think in general (anecdotal evidence aside) children tend to be more respectful when they treat adults (especially young adults) with the formalities of social behaviour. This is especially true in public settings.

 

When you are called by your first name in the Troop, it tends to make the boys see you as one of them rather than one of the leaders. (unless this is the norm for all of the leadership) In some ways this may be a good thing, but in general it undermines your authority with them as they do not really view you as an adult leader so much as just another kid. Sure, respect has to be earned, but the default should be to give it until it is lost, not the other way around. It is much more difficult to reassert such things than to expect them from the beginning. (frankly, if I was the SM in your Troop I would have made sure the boys called you by title from the get-go, mostly by setting the example. Do the other leaders call you by first name to the boys, or by title?)

 

Maybe you could start by having them call you Mr. V. That may be a nice bridge between formality and familiarity.

 

If you are in other situations where you are not in a leadership position with the boys (say, for example you and a 17 year old were in the same Venturing unit) I would expect the boy to call you by first name except when at Troop functions.

 

 

[EagleScout316]

Well, how about all of my initials together, DVR, without the title of Mr., as I'm somewhat inbetween a child and a full adult?

-ES 3:16

[Torveaux]

It is, of course, your call.

 

The law says you are an adult (other than for drinking) and will treat you as such if you make an error.

 

It was always easier when coaching as there is the semi-formal title of coach that serves as a nice bridge.

 

Hmmm...do you refer to an ASM as Scoutmaster xxx like you would call a Lt. Colonel "Colonel xxx"?

[EagleScout316]

Not that I've ever heard of. In my old troop, there was never an ASM along the lines of youth/adult; it wqas always one of the parents of the scouts. And in the case of what the scouts would call me, Sean (the SM) introduced me as Dave, tried to pronounce my last name, and said just to call me Dave. Either way, I don't seem to mind what they call me (within reason); it's pretty much the ASM reporting about the SM to the scouts that will get me confused on what is etiquette. Guess I'll just have to ask the SM what he thinks. Thanks, fellas.

-ES 3:16

[frank10]

At your age, I had the boys call me John... Problem came the day they shared something with "John" that Mr. B was obligated to report.

My advice is to go with Mr. V as soon as you can.