Losing a Scouter Buddy

[SR540Beaver]

If I may, could I ask you to keep a Scouter buddy of mine in your thoughts and prayers. He informed me last night at our troop meeting that he was getting out of scouting when we return from Jamboree next summer. He said it was either that or face the possibility of losing his marriage. It seems his wife gives him holy heck over the amount of time and money he puts into scouting. To be fair to her, he has been very gung ho for scouting and has a tendency to overextend himself. He has been a den leader, cubmaster, coordinated several blue and gold banquets and been a popcorn kernel. He has staffed two WB courses, several IOLS classes, has assisted in district training, been a unit commish, assisted in two or three pow wows, is an ASM and will be serving as an ASM for Jamboree. That is just what I can think of off the top of my head. Plus, that has all occured in the last 3 to 4 years. I don't even attempt to keep up with him. He is an admitted gear freak too. His wife has some valid arguments, but to deliver an ultimatum of "me or scouting" seems extreme. In addition to his scouting, he is a very dedicated family man. I don't disagree that he needs to find a balance, but I sure hate the thought of losing him entirely. He LOVES scouting and he was and is my inspiration for being a scouter. Please keep him in your prayers.

[dsteele]

Mark --

 

As much as I hate to see you lose a Scouting buddy . . .

 

I've seen too many Scouting divorces.

 

If the choice were family harmony, or all Scouting, all the time, the wise head chooses family.

 

I'll pray that they both find a balance.

 

Unc.

[evmori]

Will do beaver. Thanks for letting us know!

[purcelce]

amen....and amen.

 

 

[anarchist]

SR540Beaver

Wish you both the best...but keep in mind

 

"troubled waters are usually deeper than they appear"

 

And I know what loosing a camping/scouting buddy is like. Maybe with some time he (and his life-mate) can find a path to come back to scouting in a smaller way. Whatever the activity, hobby or even vice is, 'wife and family' are the most important thing he will probably ever 'do' and it (first) needs to be done well...the rest will follow in due course.

 

prayer are sent your way and your friend's and his family's...good people usually can find the way with a little help!

[SR540Beaver]

Thanks guys for supporting my friend with your prayers. I have since had an opportunity to talk with him and he offered greater detail. He will be leaving after his Jambo commitment. While his wife does give him grief (some of it deserved) over it, she did not give him an ultimatum. The decision to leave is his and it is for the right reasons....his family. I now know much more of the story and I respect and support his decision. But dang it, I'm going to miss him. We just started a new unit back in June and we "need" him as we struggle to raise this baby. Hopefully his son will want to stay even if dad isn't one of the ASM's. Please continue to keep him in your prayers as it sounds like he has a long road to travel.

[Eamonn]

I am saddened to hear about your Buddy and do hope that everything works out both for him and the troop.

I thought long and hard before I decided to post in this thread.

There is a presentation in one of the advanced Commissioner Training's about Scouting and your spouse, that isn't the exact title but it's close.

Her That Must Be Obeyed and yours truly will be married for 22 years in January. We met at our Council camp 27 years ago last June. We really are a great team. I have over the past 22 years taken her to some very dark and dangerous places. We were on the brink of bankruptcy a couple of times, when I over extended and we were not bringing in enough money, we came close to sinking in a sea of red ink. We stood by each other and the Big Guy heard and answered our prayers. I spent about 15 years lost in building up our businesses working 16 -18 hours a day. I was having a ball, I loved what I was doing it was or I thought it was my life. We rarely took vacations together, I would take off to England or Ireland leaving her to "Mind the shop." In our 22 years we have only ever had one big fight and that was over Fried Eggs!! It was in March of 1984. She has not fried me an egg since.

I was very surprised about six years ago when our Priest asked if we would get involved with the Marriage Classes, the classes that engaged couples take before they take the plunge. Surprised because I have never thought of myself as being very religious. Sure I attend Mass every week and have been involved with a few committees. But really surprised because Her That Must Be Obeyed, is not a catholic. We only do these classes two or three times a year. Before we took the plunge we had agreed that if we were ever blessed with children we would raise them as Catholics.

When OJ joined the pack, I was on the Council properties committee. The committee only met a few times a year and if the truth were to be told I really only took the job to keep a few friends happy and get them off my back. She joined the Pack Committee straight away, and when the top leaders all were leaving she engineered and plotted behind my back to re-activate me. I think she remembered how our house in London always had Scouts coming and going. How the troop had formed an honor guard out side the church the day we got married. Once I got back into the swing of things Scouting took over, she was left to look after things more and more, I was busy with Wood Badge courses, meetings and after the meeting meetings. She has always been very supportive and to say that there was never the odd moan or groan would be stretching the truth. However I think that she didn't say much mainly because I wouldn't listen anyway.

We both love each other a heck of a lot and still do things like hold hands. We always make sure that we kiss each other good night and before leaving the house for work or in the evening there is always a quick peck on the cheek. She isn't a good cook, but she tries. She works part time at our local hospital, she says that she needs to get out of the house.

We share a great love of dogs, if she had her way she would adopt every stray dog. We normally have three dogs but for the past few years only have the two. Our great love is our son. We both think that he is a good kid and we are both very proud of what a good job we have done raising him. - Even if we do say it ourselves.

Last June she started having female type problems, they got so bad that one day when I had been at work and then stopped to see how Day Camp was coming along, she took herself to the emergency room. This led to her seeing a gynecologist. I had never been good with the workings of the female body. This OB/Gyn Doctor did a biopsy in the office and what we both thought was something to do with menopause turned out to be endometrial cancer. Things started to happen, she had to see all sorts of doctors and have surgery.

She had the surgery in late September and will start radiation therapy on Tuesday. She has been tattooed, cut from stem to stern. The C word scared the heck out of both of us. She started sorting things out so that if anything did happen I would know where to find them.

I have always loved my wife, but the thought of losing her gave me a real jolt. I love Scouting and enjoy the time I spend doing what I do. But this really was a wake up call.

John Lennon in Power To The People, asks "How Do Treat That Old Lady Back Home?" We talk about Family,Church, Work and then Scouts. I have delivered that speech so many times - When she has been left home for the how many nights?

Beaver old Pal, I do feel for your buddy. I do hope that everything works out. I would suggest that we all do our best to listen to what the other half is saying and we all need to be a little more aware of each others families. Little things like invitations, we need to ensure that we invite the spouse to events such as COH and Blue & Gold banquets. We need to be aware that meetings on important dates are unfair. Units need to thank the wifes of the Scout leaders.

Scouting is a big part of my life, it was sad that it took something this big to make me see that Her Who Must Be Obeyed is so much bigger.

Eamonn.

[SR540Beaver]

E,

 

Thank you! I'll be praying for "her who must be obeyed". I think you got the better part of the bargain!

[dsteele]

Eamonn:

 

Thank you for sharing so deeply. I've only talked to HWMBO (who her must be obeyed) on the phone a few time, but it is clear that she is a woman who must not only be obeyed, but honored. Her beauty and tenacity shine through even over fiber optic cable.

 

I'm glad you realize how truly lucky you are! Please share that with Mrs. Eamonn (I'll not post her first name.)

 

You're also very fortunate to be blessed with a son.

 

How you've come to such a realization without your wife (as does mine) having 2 black belts in different martial arts and working on a third is beyond me , but then again, I'm not a terribly bright man.

 

Unc.

[Eamonn]

Some people may wonder where or how we came up with Her Who Must Be Obeyed.

When we were planning our wedding service, which was in my parish church back home in London, we met with the parish priest, who had an American mother. We were going over the vows and she was adamant that she was not going to "Obey". She said that she wasn't a dog.

I read a lot, normally 3 or 4 books a week. Nothing heavy, just anything that is on the discount displays at the book stores. I got into reading the John Mortimer,Rumpole of the Bailey books, mainly because my little sister is a barrister and was for a while at the Old Bailey. Later it became a TV series by Thames Television which was aired by PBS. Rumpole a very crusty old barrister calls his wife "Her That Must Be Obeyed.

PBS has a sales catalog where they sell tapes, DVD's and shirts, they had a sweat shirt, with Her That Must Be Obeyed on it.

When we had bands play at the bar, there were lots of young people and she would wear her shirt. There was never ever any mistake who was in charge.

Eamonn

[BigMac]

Take her camping, your buddy must know some killer spots. There he can show her all the neat skills that he has aquired.

Then that night he can show her his knot tying ability in some hanky panky session.

I am sure that he could show her wonderful meals, and scenery, pick a time and place where the weather is good, scenery is good.

[Lynda J]

There are advantages to not having a spouse. The only ones that complain about the amount of time I give to scouting are the cats. They only complain if the food bowl gets empty.

[Eamonn]

Her Who Must Be Obeyed or a couple of cats? No contest, with my cold tootsies Her That Must Be Obeyed makes a far better foot warmer.

And the dogs like her, they don't like cats.

Eamonn.