Help! How do I get my "Scout Mojo" Back?

[5thGenTexan]

It is really an effort to do anything Scout related.  I just can't get into it.

Without getting into to much detail, I have always had self confidence, anxiety, and depression issues.  Being a leader was helping me a lot I think, I was talking to leaders outside my unit, getting out of the house going to RT, 

After my WB experience in October that I will not rehash here. things went south.  I went from mad to disappointed to really depressed.  At the beginning of December. I left all the Scout FB groups, I unfriended everyone on FB that wasn't family.  I have removed myself as an admin on the Pack public FB page.  I left all my community FB groups.  I don't have friends other than my wife, so I don't get and do things.  I did a total lockdown social isolation thing.

 

I have since recovered and added a few more non family people back into FB.  Scouts still sucks though.  I am Cubmaster, so Key 3, yet I don't feel like I have any say in anything the Pack does.  We have a very active committee this year, but I hate dealing with them.  Lots of really successful outgoing people, and I don't see why anyone would care of put any weight into what I have to say.  I could go into this ad nauseum....

 

How do I get enjoy Scouts back?  I am really trying my best to stick with it through next year when my son finishes up AOL.  I am not really encouraging him to join a Troop because as it is right now I don't want anything to do with it.  Or should I just give it all up?

[CynicalScouter]

You sound like you need to focus on your own well-being and get right with yourself and in your own head. Trying to add the burden of Cubmaster atop of what you've described seems the recipe for disaster for yourself and those Cubs.

I am not being mean when I say this: seek mental health help. Leave scouts if that becomes too much (as it apparently has). But take of yourself. Then, maybe, come back when you are in a better place.

[fred8033]

2 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

How do I get enjoy Scouts back?  I 

Many of us have been in your shoes.  Years when I enjoyed scouting.  Years that sucked because I was not part of the "click".  Or, I was treated bad because I was friends with someone the other person did not like.  Even more similar, times where I really enjoyed scouting and then took the next step and it did not work out.  It was hard to enjoy scouting after that bad experience.  

My suggestions.

• Focus on your son.  Enjoy his company.  Don't worry if he's not perfect or if you're not perfect.  No one is.  Enjoy your time together.  
• Focus on yourself.   If being Cubmaster is not fun, step back.  That's okay.  Someone else can up then.
• If scouting is not a positive in you and your families life, it's okay to find somewhere else for your family.  

Talk to your wife.  Talk with friends.  

[David CO]

3 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

How do I get enjoy Scouts back? 

Since this is the question you asked, this is the question I'll answer.

The skills that are needed to be a good scoutmaster are very different from anything you have experienced in cub scouts.  You shouldn't automatically assume that your dissatisfaction with cub scouting means you will be unhappy with boy scouting.  I'll tell you why.

I was an athlete and a coach.  I have a very outgoing personality.  The hardest thing for me, as a scoutmaster, was to step back and do nothing.  I wanted to take charge.  I wanted to command.  Every cell in my body wanted to lead the troop, and run it my way.  But I couldn't do that.  That is not the way a boy scout troop needs to be run.  I found it very frustrating.  

It sounds to me like you may have an untapped advantage over people like me.  You will find it much easier than I to step back and let the patrol leaders run the troop.  Understanding this may help you enjoy scouting more.

 

Edited February 22, 2021 by David CO

[InquisitiveScouter]

11 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

It is really an effort to do anything Scout related.  I just can't get into it.

Without getting into to much detail, I have always had self confidence, anxiety, and depression issues.  Being a leader was helping me a lot I think, I was talking to leaders outside my unit, getting out of the house going to RT, 

After my WB experience in October that I will not rehash here. things went south.  I went from mad to disappointed to really depressed.  At the beginning of December. I left all the Scout FB groups, I unfriended everyone on FB that wasn't family.  I have removed myself as an admin on the Pack public FB page.  I left all my community FB groups.  I don't have friends other than my wife, so I don't get and do things.  I did a total lockdown social isolation thing.

 

I have since recovered and added a few more non family people back into FB.  Scouts still sucks though.  I am Cubmaster, so Key 3, yet I don't feel like I have any say in anything the Pack does.  We have a very active committee this year, but I hate dealing with them.  Lots of really successful outgoing people, and I don't see why anyone would care of put any weight into what I have to say.  I could go into this ad nauseum....

 

How do I get enjoy Scouts back?  I am really trying my best to stick with it through next year when my son finishes up AOL.  I am not really encouraging him to join a Troop because as it is right now I don't want anything to do with it.  Or should I just give it all up?

Scouting is not your priority.  Stepping away from it is OK.

How is your spiritual life?  How is your family dynamic?  How is your financial health?  How is your physical health? (Although, Scouting can help with the last one  )  These questions are rhetorical...please do not answer them here.  But, if you are really not where you want to be with these, they will also affect your Scouting experience.  So, a little attention to these areas of life can help.

As @CynicalScouter said, counseling is a positive thing.  Talking with someone, exploring what motivates you and why you are experiencing this low spot, and finding ways to cope with the stresses that bring you back to "center" will go a long way to making extra-curricular things like Scouting more enjoyable.

You are fighting the same battle we all deal with a various times... and you can find a way through. 

 

 

[InquisitiveScouter]

8 hours ago, fred8033 said:

Years that sucked because I was not part of the "click".  Or, I was treated bad because I was friends with someone the other person did not like.  Even more similar, times where I really enjoyed scouting and then took the next step and it did not work out. 

The best part of Scouting is some of the people you meet.  The worst part of Scouting is some of the other people you meet.

 

[5thGenTexan]

There is a definitive line that you can even see in my communication with other leaders in my Unit and District.

Pre WB and Post WB when I was told on a national level I wasn't worth a crap and I should quit and find other ways to volunteer my time.  The problem is, I believed them.  

Probably 85% of the problem right now.  Any confidence I had... they destroyed.

[David CO]

9 minutes ago, 5thGenTexan said:

Pre WB and Post WB when I was told on a national level I wasn't worth a crap and I should quit and find other ways to volunteer my time.  The problem is, I believed them.  

They have driven BSA into bankruptcy.  Why would anyone listen to them?  

[MattR]

Rule number one of dealing with volunteers: enjoy the positive people and ignore the naysayers. I mean, if you've been reading this forum you'll notice that there are wood badge koolaid drinkers (certainly not all) and they are the naysayers. Ignore them. 

Tell me, do scouts have fun when you're doing your best? I suspect that's something you enjoy, just because that's most of us. If so, you really should ignore the WB Kool aid folks. Seriously. Scouting is fun with a purpose. If you're helping to create that then you're doing more than the finely dressed sloths that were speaking down to you.

Also, it is good to understand that everything is constantly changing. Volunteering should be looked at as more of an adventure than a niche you find and stay in. I really enjoyed being SM, but I don't have the energy to do that again. Now I'm wandering around looking for something else. 

[jr56]

True,  don't give any opinions National has much weight.

[5thGenTexan]

17 minutes ago, David CO said:

They have driven BSA into bankruptcy.  Why would anyone listen to them?  

I am not referring to "National".  I mean people from across the country told me I suck.

[CynicalScouter]

32 minutes ago, 5thGenTexan said:

I was told on a national level I wasn't worth a crap

First, who "on a national level" indicated you were not worth a crap? Exec committee? National Staff? I know this came up last fall, but if even half of what you said happened at that WB weekend occurred you really, really owe it to yourself and others to ask for a review of what went on.

Second, and this is something that I have learned oh so often. No one "on a national level" could care less about anyone at the unit level. I know I see lots of people with knots on their chest indicating that once upon a time they held a unit level position (den leader, cubmaster/scoutmaster, etc.) but that was possibly decades ago. They are so far removed that, no offense, they don't care enough about you to care enough about you.

Sidenote: If it were legal (I think there are laws against forced volunteerism as a a condition of employment) I'd make a stipulation for that anyone at the regional/area/territory/national level not at least REGISTERED as a unit volunteer in the last 5 years must become one within 12 months of hiring.

Third, think about what you'd tell a scout if the scout came to you and said "Johnnie Scout or Jane Scout said I wasn't worth a crap." Hopefully you'd explain that wasn't true and identify how and why that wasn't true. Take that speech you'd give to the fictional scout and repeat to yourself in a mirror.

Finally, again based on everything you've posted, it sounds like you are in a very bad place mentally. I want to in the STRONGEST POSSIBLE TERMS encourage you to reach out for mental health services today.

Wallowing in scouting, which is obviously causing you misery, is not the answer.

Edited February 22, 2021 by CynicalScouter

[qwazse]

There is not much on social media that uplifts. So, that was a really smart move.

If your district is just a mean girls club, avoid them.  If not, and you're pretty sure that it's the depression that's making you feel inferior, work on your resilience before taking them on in very small does.

There are a precious few people whose approval a CM needs to seek, and they are mostly less than 5 foot tall. (Includes your son.) Are you treating them well? Do they like what you are doing?

As for parents and such who have it put together, eat some humble pie and let them know how much you admire them. Let them know the things you see them doing that you couldn't possibly see your self doing. (Little things like talking to everyone, or making lots of phone calls, or even going to Woodbadge.) Start encouraging your ACM to step into some responsibilities.

Regarding troop life ... cross that bridge when you come to it. A whole lot can happen in a year.

Why go through all of this trouble? Because somewhere in this pack are scouts who will eventually have to face down their own anxiety and depression, and ten years from now they'll need a coach who's been there.

[Protoclete]

14 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

It is really an effort to do anything Scout related.  I just can't get into it. ... How do I get enjoy Scouts back?  I am really trying my best to stick with it through next year when my son finishes up AOL.  I am not really encouraging him to join a Troop because as it is right now I don't want anything to do with it.  Or should I just give it all up?

I'm sorry to read this - I've been there. One of my best volunteers is going through this now, too - he had to step back from a couple of active roles and focus on health and family. Scouting can be wonderful, but it can also start taking over too much of your life.

And then throw in the pandemic isolation, I feel the same way - I have my immediate circle of three other humans and feel like I haven't seen a friend or had a good conversation outside that circle in a year. Some ways, Scouts is a saving grace - but that's also all virtual these days. 

Do what you need to do to focus on your own health. It might mean counseling, or finding a friend you can go out and have a beer or coffee or other appropriate beverage with and just talk, on an adult level, sometimes. It might mean stepping back from some commitments, or trying on some new ones. Maybe the move from Pack to Troop would turn out to be just the thing to make the difference. Or find a district role that is better suited. Or something entirely not Scout related. Something different - a class, a book club, a bowling club, get your pilots license or learn to snorkel or whatever works for you. Doesn't have to be a big thing either. 

Don't let your struggles with the Scouting cliques get in the way of your kid getting into a troop. Maybe he won't be into it, or maybe he'll like the Scout-led environment better. Try it out. 

I have no idea what to say about the WB experience, or someone from across the country telling you you're worthless? Clearly a negative experience, and from what I hear of WB in some places I'm sad to say it sounds too common. But what does someone across the country know about you, really? When I moved here, I tried for a couple years, pretty persistently, to get involved in Scouting. Nobody would even return my messages - unit, district, council, nothing. I finally gave up, except to take the occasional online training just to keep in touch, i case I'd ever be engaged again. Eventually, I was. But you might find a total shift of gears something to try. Wither in or out of scouts. Sometimes the best thing to do is let the ground lay fallow for a season or two and come back fresh  in a new role. Take some time to focus in what drew you to and kept you in scouts in the first place, and think about where you can find that. 

But also know you've got fans and fellow Scouters out here who have your back. I know what it feels like, but you really are not alone. 

 

[Eagledad]

14 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

II have since recovered and added a few more non family people back into FB.  Scouts still sucks though.  I am Cubmaster, so Key 3, yet I don't feel like I have any say in anything the Pack does.  We have a very active committee this year, but I hate dealing with them.  Lots of really successful outgoing people, and I don't see why anyone would care of put any weight into what I have to say.  I could go into this ad nauseum....

Because of the title, most folks give the CM and SM higher stature than the positions deserve. In the hierarchy of the units, the CM has a pretty simple job of taking care of the pack meetings and supporting the Den Leaders. But, supporting the Den Leaders is really dependent on the personality of the SM and committee. .A good committee can deal with them with the right leadership. Our pack was pretty organized, so support on my part basically dealt with recruiting and training leaders. Scouts love fun pack meetings, so I spent most of my time planning fun meetings. I find that dealing with trained Den Leaders is more often than not personality issues.. Our committee was pretty good at that. So, what are the committees expectations of you?

14 hours ago, 5thGenTexan said:

How do I get enjoy Scouts back?  I am really trying my best to stick with it through next year when my son finishes up AOL.  I am not really encouraging him to join a Troop because as it is right now I don't want anything to do with it.  Or should I just give it all up?

I'm not sure I understand this. Is you son in a situation that requires you to be part of the adult staff? If not, let him go on his own. It's the right age and the right opportunity to give him more independence.

Barry