Bad Dog Joke

[Eamonn]

Dog in the wild west goes into a bar and orders two fingers of Red eye.

Bartender informs the Dog that they don't serve dogs.

The Dog insists and becomes very loud and aggressive. The Bartender gets his gun and shoots the dog in the foot. The Dog leaves. A few weeks later the Dog returns to the bar. He is wearing a ten gallon hat and a pair of six shooters. As he enters the bar someone says "Hi Dog who are you looking for?"

The Dog looks him hard in the eye and says in a very gruff voice " I'm looking for the man who shoot my paw."

Eamonn.

[acco40]

I like it!

[Fuzzy Bear]

Dog goes into a different bar and challenges the patrons about how high pitched his bird's song is. He says that it is the loudest sound anywhere. Some dude pulls up on a motorized bicycle and takes the dog up on the argument. He says that the bird could not possibly be as loud as his motorbike. The dog pulled out his six shooter and drills the poor guy. Asked later why he shot him, the dog replied, his lark was louder than his bike.

FB

[eisely]

A panda walks into a tavern and orders a sandwich. After eating the sandwich the panda pulls out a revolver and shoots out the clock over the bar, and gets up to exit the establishment. The bouncer stops the panda at the door and asks what is going on. Without say a word the panda hands the bouncer a photo copy of an encyclopedia entry:

 

Panda: Eats shoots and leaves.

[Fuzzy Bear]

Dog goes into a bar and orders two drinks. He becomes unruly and he takes a bite out of one of the patrons. Of course, it is the local mailperson. The man chases the dog all about the saloon without any success. Someone calls the High Sheriff. The Sheriff comes running in from across the street. The once bitten man is lying on the floor breathing heavily and the animal is nowhere to be seen. The Sheriff asks the out of breath man where the dog went. He says, "Pant, pant, doggone".

 

FB(This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear)

[Eamonn]

A Duck goes into a 711, which in keeping with the thread is owned by a dog. The Duck asks for a pound of grapes. The Dog explains that 711 doesn't sell grapes.

Next day the Duck returns asking for a pound of grapes. Again the Dog explains that 711 doesn't serve grapes.

The Duck comes back everyday for a week. The Dog becomes more annoyed each time.

On the eighth day the Duck returns and asks for a pound of grapes. The Dog loses his cool he yells at the Duck "Look every day you come in here asking for a pound of grapes! Everyday I tell you that we don't sell grapes! If you come back one more time I'm going to get a hammer and nail those big webbed feet of yours to the floor!!"

Sure enough the next day the Duck returns. Before he can say a word the Dog says "I told you yesterday that we don't sell grapes and if you came back I was going to nail those big webbed feet to the floor. Don't you understand we don't sell grapes!!" The Duck looked at the Dog and without missing a beat said "OK Give me a pound of nails."

Eamonn

[Fuzzy Bear]

Why did the cow cross the road?

 

To get to the utter side.

 

Sorry, it was the best animal joke I could think of right now.

 

FB

[berkshirescouter]

Dog gone it havn't we have milked this thread enough already

[Fuzzy Bear]

A cow saunters into a bar and orders up a shot of redeye. The barkeep says to the cow, "We don't get many cows in here." The cow retorts, "ya, but I have noticed you've been severing several dogs lately".

[OldGreyEagle]

So Bob, this piece of rope, walks into a bar, the bartender sees him and yells out

"Hey, you piece of rope, we don't serve your kind, get out of here"

 

So a tad chargrinned, Bob backs out of the bar, stands off to the side and takes off his whipping string and shakes his head vigorously. Then he walks back in the bar, the bar bartender takes one look at him and says

"Hey, aren't you that same piece of rope I just threw out of here?

 

Bob looks around and then says,

 

"Who me? I'm a frayed knot"

 

[Big_Dog]

So this guy walks into a bar with his dog. Bartender walks over and says "we can't have dogs in here." Man says "oh but this dog is different: he can talk." "Beat it" says the bartender. Guy says, "bet you a beer he can talk." "You're on," replies the bartender.

 

"Ok, Max, what's over our head?" guy asks.

 

"Roof" replies the dog.

 

"come on goof-ball" says the bartender, "that don't count."

 

"Ok, ok" says the guy, "Max, who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

 

"Roof" says the dog.

 

Angry bartender throws them both out on the curb, and as their sitting there, the dog looks over at the guy and says "whatsamatter, I should have said DiMaggio?"

 

 

bd

[BPwannabe@137]

(don't do it...don't do it...)

 

A grasshopper walks into a bar (the bar is named "The Dog House") and he asks the bartender for a beer.

After the bartender serves him he says to the grasshopper, "Do you know that there is a drink named after you?".

 

The grasshopper stops drinking and says, "Oh, there is a drink named Bob?"

 

Sorry, just couldn't contain myself.

 

[firstpusk]

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a mop."

[frank10]

Man walks into a bar - ouch!

[Fuzzy Bear]

Bartender goes into a doghouse and asks for a biscuit and some water. The dog serves him and asks about his business. He said that lately it had been going to the dogs.

 

FB