I'm Just About Ready to Quit

[KoreaScouter]

Kenk;

 

Most of this won't apply to you for a while since it's Boy Scout rather than Webelos-specific (at least I think it is), but here goes.

 

We had an autistic lad in my current Troop, and when I got here, he hadn't advanced at all. His parents wanted him in Scouts for the exposure to other boys. He came to meetings with his State-appointed counselor. Now, the boy was mainstreamed in middle school, con

[9muckraker7]

I really don't have much advice to offer other than the a troop is a lot different than a webelos den...in theory. The older boy scouts should be more mature than the younger webelos, and it is mainly up to the youth

leadership of the troop to set an example. In a webelos den, there really isn't any youth leadership, and therefore it should be mainly the parents' responsibility to see that the boys are maturing, and to prevent bullying. Though it isn't solely the parents' responsibility, as the cub scouts should mature as a result of experiences, the adults of the pack/den should be aware of what goes on socially among the boys.

 

I agree with what everyone else has been saying regarding this topic: mention the problem to an adult, and/or become active in the troop as a committee member or other adult leader. Have faith that your son would eventually find acceptance in scouting...

[Laurie]

Kenk, I can see how the more subtle difficulties could be challenging. Good for you for talking to the den to explain what's up. One thing I've noticed in children is that when they don't understand someone who is in some way different, they can be frightened or intimidated by that. That often leads to the cruel or simply careless but hurtful remarks. When children do understand, they can show an amazing amount of compassion and understanding to others. I've seen this happen many times, yet I'm still surprised--pleasantly so--when it does happen. Having worked with youth over the past 23 years, I've had the opportunity to learn a lot from them. Educating them helps them to understand and that leads to acceptance because they "get it". Some may remain unkind, but I sincerely hope this will be a turning point for your son. This month two of my sons were at daycamp--one working it and one a camper. They each witnessed incidents that, in their words "freaked them out". It seems a boy who usually behaves well has some sort of a problem that causes him to suddenly throw himself around and need to be restrained. Day one, the kids only saw this happen, saw that his guardian was with him and restrained him by holding him down, but they didn't understand it and wanted to keep their distance. To be honest, I was pretty uneasy when I heard this too. Day two things were explained to the boys at camp, and beginning that day all of them relaxed around this one boy, had fun with him, but when he has his episodes (for lack of a better word--I don't know what his problem was), they simply continued on knowing someone was taking care of him and he'd join them when able. My older son wanted so much to help him, but he was told this was just something his guardian would handle. He went out of his way to be nice to him, so I saw a change just recently in how kids respond to other kids once they know what's up. Hang in there, and I hope Webelos and then Scouts becomes much more fun for him!

[Davej775]

My son has Asberger's, too. He's high end functioning and a little genius. Scouting was tough at first for all the above reasons. I'm just writing this to let you know to stay in Scouting and find a good leader. Any good Scout leader will help. There's been lots of Asbies in the past that went through Scouting before it was recognized as a specific titled condition. he Scout law has a lot to do with this.

 

My son has grown socially far more due to Scouting than he would have otherwise. Unfortunately he doesn't share the degree of social interaction at school with non-Scouts as with Scouts, but he now has the ability to do so if he wanted to.

 

We're still in Scouting after 4 years; and Jesse has been inovative and excelled in many projects that the Troop does, and this has smoothed the way a lot.

For what its worth I'll add that Jesse has always been fine being alone and it was I who pushed the Scouts and tried to get him socially involved.

 

The family services psychiatrist told me it was I who had the "problem and needed to be fixed" by understanding Asberger's and that it was a situation like having blue or brown eyes. It won't ever get "better."

 

I was told that there's a very strong possibility that he will never marry or have even a few good friends. Of course I'm the one anguishing over this possibility having a great wife and friends.

 

I had to learn and adapt to that fact. Jesse has always been very happy and is fine with his situation. To my surprise he went out and got a job working fo a neighbor. I was understanding when I was told that 3 girls asked him to the prom and he refused! I didn't push what I would have done: taken then all!

 

Now if I have a problem to be solved at home involving engineering of any sort I would ask Jesse to solve it and he has, sometimes with solutions that go beyond the envelope.

 

The latest surprise was his final art project being selected for permanent display in the new high school. The only one out of 80+ entrants. I never even saw him pick up a crayon or play with clay to do art, always doing some engineering with sticks and string.

 

Every day now brings surprises.

 

Well I wanted to say give Scouts a chance for the both of you. It made my son blossem into an exceptional young man and maintained my sanity by getting me involved as an ASM!

 

YIS, DAve J!

 

[LPC_Thumper]

We had a young man in our troop with this problem. He was borderline, and so just appeared a bit off. His dad (an oral surgeon that deserves his reputation as "the best" and "hard to work for") started to come to our Troop meetings. It was YEARS before we learned that this young man used to bite his den members when they got loud. The dad was there more to try and help with the sanity of the situation. This kid was "just not average." I'm trying to be polite here, it was just off of what I had seen in the 15+ years of adult scouting I had under my belt at that time.

 

Dad would bring a paper, or a magazine, or something, but I noticed he watched the meeting, and was hiding behind the prop he brought. It took YEARS for them to be comfortable enough with us to tell us what was wrong. Since the Scout was just barely off, all we knew is "that kid was different."

 

The young man has been to National Jamboree, has led group one of our patrols at Nothern Tier, is an Eagle Scout. He is a real success story, even if we had never known he had serious problems, I would list him as a real success.

 

We found out as we helped him get ready for his Eagle Court of Honor that he had been involved in another local troop for 3 weeks. He had been told that he was just "not Boy Scout material" (what the heck is that??). We learned this only because his mom had asked us how we would feel to have other scouters there. And our response was "Hey it's your son's party. He should have whom ever he wants at it." She told us the missing parts of this puzzle.

 

Find a troop that gets it. Your son will benefit from a great troop. Go find one. The argument about "bridging" to the same patrol or at least troop, doesn't apply. (You want the new boys where their "friends" are, well... sounds to be like he could use a fresh start. One young Eagle got one, and it worked out fine, even if the inexperienced, uninformed, good intentioned volunteers didn't know why this kid "was just a bit off")

 

Good Luck, and Happy Scouting!!

[ozemu]

If the troops that you have tried so far have bullying or just plain lack of regard when you visit then I would suspect that those are signs of worse things to come should your sin join them. They should be trying their hardest on night one.

 

Maybe it is just a bad night at the Troop but follow your intuition.

 

Great advice elsewhere from those who know.

 

Just had a boy refered by the Dept of Community Services. ODD etc but we have not seen anything worrying. He went on his first camp - six days straight interstate! I was a bit wary I can tell you. He came through very well. Got a knickname. I quickly told the Scouts that knicknames were only OK if the recipient was happy. I then checked and found that 'Nibbles' is delighted - he saw it as a sign of acceptance. And I believe that was how it was intended.

 

Good Troops are full of great kids - I hope you find one.

 

 

[Eagledad]

Great post Thumper. I willing to bet todays lunch that your troop is considered a very boy run troop. We have a similer story with a scout that left his big brothers troop because he also wasn't considered "Boy Scout Material".

 

Our troop has aquired several such scouts in the last decade. The mother of one once asked why her son was accepted here and not in some of the other troops. I believe boy run programs naturally encourage each scout to grow as and individual and the adults guide the whole of the program each scout at a time. The scouts become more excepting of each others differences because a team is required for a program to succeed and grow.

 

It's not always easy because individual quirks can be offensive to some. But when such scouts make it, well I can only say I love this scouting stuff.

 

Again, thanks for wonderful words Thumper.

 

Barry