Time to Go.

[Eagle94-A1]

Where to begin. As many of you may know, my troop is "family friendly" in that parents and siblings are invited to attend any and all camp outs. Might seem OK, but the interference they are causing is growing. Several times now I' been told by PLs and SPLs that they are trying to get things done, and the  parents either contradict what the PLs or SPL is trying to do, or worse, take completely over. This stemmed over to the adult side of things.  They have tended to ignore ASMs and do their own thing. This weekend, they ignored the SM and caused so much trouble that the SM was close to cutting off his patch and giving it to them. Not only did it affect the troop, it also affected the Webelos who were invited to camp with us. Sadly the negative and "my way or the highway" attitude of these parents has influenced the Webelos parents and I feel there is no more hope for the troop.

Long story short, we did not get our normal campsite for this past weekend. Two families went a day early to set up their tents and cooking pavilions. There was a lot of back and forth and one fo the familiies said that if they have to take down their tent, they will go home. My personal thoughts were 'Well, BYE." For whatever reason, the SM let them stay. where they were at. We informed the Webelos DL what time we were meeting and where we would be camping. Long story short,  the den showed up at the camp  by themselves, did not check in, and proceeded to set up camp with the 2 families instead of the troop. I ran into them try to tell them they were in the wrong campsite, and was told they didn't care, they were staying where they were at with the 2 families. I left.

As you can imagine, everything that was planned by the troop to work with the Webelos and begin integrating them into the troop before they Cross Over in Decemebr went down the toilet. They didn't camp with them. They didn't do any cooking or KP with them, and they barely ate with them. They went into town to buy burgers for lunch, and instead of eating with the troop today were packing up to leave camp ASAP.

I've been talking on and off about the problem with the boys and the wife separately. Wife saw what was going on first hand this weekend as she was an RSO for an event. She's fed up more than I am about the situation. We are having a family meeting to discuss moving to another troop.

[RememberSchiff]

18 minutes ago, Eagle94-A1 said:

...We are having a family meeting to discuss moving to another troop.

Save as many as you can. 

RS

[Sniktaw]

Change is hard. Whether it's school or Scouts or a job, making a jump is hard. But after you do it, you'll wonder what took you so long.

[sst3rd]

It's time. Find a troop, if possible, that runs the very best scout program possible, and support them. They will be most appreciative. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but the stress level will go down, and the fun will go up, for you and your scout (I can't remember if you have more than one). I bet a few scouts will follow. I also think that some of those graduating webelos will follow eventually.

But make the change for you and your family now. I want there to be good memories of scouting in your future.

sst3rd

[Jameson76]

To coin a phrase...and try to refrain from saying this to everyone (though you want to)

 

Boy Scouts (11-17 year olds) was NEVER intended in any way shape or form to be a family event or group.  If parents feel the need to interpret it that way, they are missing the point. 

The mission of the Boy Scouts of America is to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the Scout Oath and Law.  

The aims are character development, leadership development, citizenship training, and personal fitness. 

The methods are Ideals; Patrols – The patrol method gives Scouts an experience in group living and participating citizenship. It places responsibility on young shoulders and teaches Scouts how to accept it. The patrol method allows Scouts to interact in small groups where they can easily relate to each other. These small groups determine troop activities through their elected representatives; Outdoor Programs; Advancement; Association with Adults – Scouts learn a great deal by watching how adults conduct themselves. Scout leaders can be positive role models for the members of their troops. In many cases a Scoutmaster who is willing to listen to the Scouts, encourage them, and take a sincere interest in them can make a profound difference in their lives; and Personal Growth 

While the family is a critical part of the youth and his identity, the goal of scouting at this age is to have them learn and grow on their own.  They lead, they make their own decisions, they become a better person.  They work with their peers (and that is good and bad) to do things.  Also they are part of the troop and EVERYONE needs to follow the goals and traditions of the troop.  If not then YOU have two choices; stay and endure or move on.

Based on your input and earlier posts, you are a more patient person that I am.  Good luck as you move on, there are many great Scouting experiences out there.

Edited November 8, 2018 by John-in-KC
Removed unneeded picture.

[desertrat77]

Eagle, I completely understand your point of view.  You did your best.  However painful it will be to move on, it will be worth it.  I learned this the hard way--sticking with a toxic unit out of loyalty and a sense of perseverance is just not healthy in the long run.  As others have said, better scouting days are ahead.

[Oldscout448]

Eagle, I  know firsthand how hard this can be.      But honestly it doesn't sound like you're leaving a scout troop.   More like a collection of self-important children, no matter what age.

Take care of your kids first and foremost, secondly take as many as you can with you.    Try to show them what real scouting should be.

Lastly try not to burn all the bridges behind you.    It does indeed get better.

[WisconsinMomma]

It might be a lot of fun to go out and visit other troops.  Take your time and go make the rounds.  I'm sorry your troop is going downhill but it sounds like this group cannot be turned around.

[mashmaster]

UGH, I feel for you.  This is really hard.  Visit troops and try to take your time.  Good luck, there is hopefully a good match for him...and you.

[Eagle94-A1]

Talked to the two older ones with the wife. They see it getting worse, and while they don't want to leave their friends, understand why we want them to transfer to a different troop. One of the nice things about wife being RSO this weekend, she saw all the troops in action. She's in agreement with the two troops I would like to see them in.  One may not have any opening as their CO limits them to 36 max. That's her favorite. One troop reminds me of the troop I grew up in, and I hope they pick that one. Plus I know a bunch of their Scouts from when I worked CSDC. I admit, I can't remember all their names, but they all came up to me and said "Hey Mr. Eagle94-a1" and told me how they have been doing this past weekend. Talking to that troop's SM and ASMs this weekend, I found out they are backpacking the section of the AT we were suppose to go on. They invited us to tag along with them. Sadly we have another commitment that weekend. Again I really hope they pick that troop. But it's their choice. And either choice will be better than what we are in now. I just hope one doesn't pick one troop and the other picks the second.  Goal for me would be registered as an MC to learn their troop's culture, and "deprogram" any bad habits I picked up. Then move back to ASM.

As for taking along others, I do not want to kill the troop. But I do have a feeling we will have at least 3, possibly 5, others moving with us if we leave. And that's 1 ASM and up to 2 MCs leaving as well.  I hope with that many  leaving, SM and MC get together and fix the troop. I do not want to destroy the troop. I spent 5 years working and building up the troop. I promised the late SM that I would see that the troop would not fold again. But these parents are slowly taking me and the Scouts down. And this year's Webelos 2 parents seem just like the last batch.

 

 

 

[Sentinel947]

@Eagle94-A1 

This is for the best. Both for you and your sons. Find a unit that gets it and appreciates your help.

 

[Eagle94-A1]

Thank you all for the support . This has been a tough decision. Just found out one troop is not accepting anyone currently. They are over their limit, but that is because two of their Eagles will age out in the very near future and turn into ASMs. Once they age out, they will become ASMs. IMHO, one of the signs of a good troop is their ability to keep Eagles active to their 18th birthday, and possibly beyond.

[mashmaster]

7 minutes ago, Eagle94-A1 said:

Thank you all for the support . This has been a tough decision. Just found out one troop is not accepting anyone currently. They are over their limit, but that is because two of their Eagles will age out in the very near future and turn into ASMs. Once they age out, they will become ASMs. IMHO, one of the signs of a good troop is their ability to keep Eagles active to their 18th birthday, and possibly beyond.

over their limit?  I have never heard of a troop doing that.

[MattR]

9 hours ago, Eagle94-A1 said:

This weekend, they ignored the SM and caused so much trouble that the SM was close to cutting off his patch and giving it to them.

I'm confused. Why doesn't the SM just put a stop to it and tell these people they're no longer invited?

[Eagle94-A1]

29 minutes ago, mashmaster said:

over their limit?  I have never heard of a troop doing that.

Because the CO views Scouting as an outreach ministry, they are heavily subsidized by the church. But in order to insure the troop has enough resources, they limit the number to 30, not 36 as I mistakenly stated. They are currently at 32, but since 2 current Scouts will age out shortly, the CO said OK to the 2 extra Scouts.

14 minutes ago, MattR said:

I'm confused. Why doesn't the SM just put a stop to it and tell these people they're no longer invited?

Good question. I don't know. I know when I first brought up my concerns, he said he wanted the troop to be family friendly. I know when it was just him and the late SM, troop could only camp when he was off. And if he had custody, the kids had to come to. Once we got more adults to support the troop, that situation lessened to about once a year.

Edited October 29, 2018 by Eagle94-A1