Parent in need of advice

[perdidochas]

On 10/9/2018 at 7:19 AM, WisconsinMomma said:

We had an adult leader who nearly said -- I'm not doing jack for your kid, it's not my problem, and basically said no to every suggestion we made to try to help our kid. He ultimately decided that he would just not be around our kid at all because he didn't like our kid's challenges and was very critical of my son's (minor) behavior concerns.   (Sounded great to us based on the attitude we were getting! Other leaders in the troop were easier to work with.)  I understand that not every request can be made, but adult leaders should try to be kind and helpful as much as possible, especially when working with kids who have struggles. 

I agree, but I also don't think we should be held to the same standards as paid professional teachers.  Yes, we should be kind and helpful as much as possible, but we also shouldn't be bludgeoned by pseudo-legalistic parents. 

[TMSM]

47 minutes ago, perdidochas said:

I agree, but I also don't think we should be held to the same standards as paid professional teachers.  Yes, we should be kind and helpful as much as possible, but we also shouldn't be bludgeoned by pseudo-legalistic parents. 

I agree Perdi - all the scouters I know do their best to help every scout but at some point it is just too much for us to fill our role and deal challenges from certain scouts.

[qwazse]

The other constructive way that you can handle this suspension time is getting to know the other scout families better, one at a time. Invite a family in your boy's patrol over for dessert or go out for ice cream. Maybe even start with the family of the boy who your son hit. Explain that it's your way of making up to them, but also a way of teaching your son to think better of people so he can respond with kindness and courtesy instead of anger when he's stressed. This doesn't have to consume much time -- maybe a half hour -- unless the boys have something in common like a game they want to play. But maybe this will give your son an idea that he isn't just in a holding pattern, but that he's working on things that will make being in the troop more fun when he returns.

[elitts]

On 10/5/2018 at 9:38 AM, walk in the woods said:

I'm sure you meant no harm, but, to a significant number of people in the special needs community the acronym/term SPED is offensive.  Special Needs is fine but in reality, the term accommodations, needs no adjective.

I understand why "Sped" is offensive as a label applied to a person.  But why would "SPED" Accommodation be offensive in the context of "Special Education Accommodation" given that fact that most public schools still have "Special Education" departments, programs and teachers?

[elitts]

On 10/9/2018 at 7:59 AM, WisconsinMomma said:

@GSleaderSG

But I would absolutely demand (courteously) that the bullying and teasing be stopped.  That is as unacceptable as your son hitting someone.  The troop adults cannot condone teasing and bullying. 

 

 

This would depend on the type of teasing.  Friends tease each other.  Parents tease their kids, my son even tries to tease me sometimes.  When you have a kid on the spectrum who doesn't understand what teasing is, you don't just ban it all, you teach the boys and the child until they understand what works and what hurts feelings.

[WisconsinMomma]

22 hours ago, elitts said:

This would depend on the type of teasing.  Friends tease each other.  Parents tease their kids, my son even tries to tease me sometimes.  When you have a kid on the spectrum who doesn't understand what teasing is, you don't just ban it all, you teach the boys and the child until they understand what works and what hurts feelings.

You have to know someone's personality to know whether they accept being teased or not.  Some people enjoy it, others don't.  It is up to the person who might tease to get to know another person and have some sort of relationship in place where they know it is OK to have that form of joking.  Different people have different senses of humor, and it is the joke-teller's job to know their audience.  It is not automatically OK to tease.

It is always better to err on the side of politeness and kindness. 

An industrial psychologist once taught me about this.  He mentioned how he could tease Mary in HR about her "drinking problem" and she would just laught it off, but he would never joke with me like that, because I think it's stupid.  Somehow he figured out that Mary was more jovial and I'm not.  I do not have to change my sense of humor, he adjusted his style to work with different people. 

Edited October 23, 2018 by WisconsinMomma

[GSleaderSG]

Wish  us luck.   Today is  COH - the first time my son has been allowed back since the incident.  SM has successfully ignored every single e-mail I have sent over the last month.  I'm pretty frustrated with that.  I will speak to him tonight I guess.......

[F-P]

So whatever happened here?