New member with issue

[Bobbys_mommy]

I'm not sure where to post. Maybe someone can direct me...

Our boy has been a cub scout for 2 years now. He loves scouting. He is interested in nothing else, no sports or karate, just scouts.

He was recently dual registered in a 2nd pack that is more geared towards special needs. Upon finding out, his cub master at his original pack started telling us this was a problem and it was not allowed. I knew this not to be true but he gave us a hard time about if for 2 months. 

Things finally came to blows a couple weeks ago & he intimidated our son to the point that he was hiding under a table. I tried to discuss this with the cubmaster after a meeting but he hung up on me. So I contacted District.

District set up a meeting, but long story short the entire committee (which included no parents, mostly boy scout leaders who had nothing to do with the situation) showed up and ganged up on us, lying and making wild accusations. As you can imagine not much was accomplished.

I'm hearing that bullying is not required to be reported directly to National. Is this true? Our boy has been pushed around by other scouts at nearly ever single meeting. Then the cub master intimidated him. Followed by the boy scout leaders ganging up on my husband and I... 

Now there is animosity towards us and we feel this was the final straw. It's certainly not a healthy environment for us or our boy. We are looking for another pack for our boy to join. In the meantime sticking with the special needs pack we are dual registered in. 

Should I just leave this up to district or should I push for National to get involved? I don't want this to happen to any other boy/family again...

[ItsBrian]

I would quit the pack with issues and stick with the special needs pack. I would simply contact or email National.

If it is a major problem, they have a 24/7 hotline if your child is at risk. Here’s info: “As part of the BSA's "Scouts First" approach to the protection and safety of youth, the BSA has established "844- Scout1st ,”, (844-726-8871), a dedicated 24-hour helpline to receive reports of known or suspected abuse or behavior that might put a youth at risk. (The call may be answered by a person who gathers initial information and escalates the report for further handling based upon the nature of the situation.)”

[Bobbys_mommy]

Thanks. Absolutely we are thru with the pack with issues. Also continuing the special needs pack. Given that he is homeschooled, I liked him having the exposure at the special needs pack as well as the pack with more neurotypical children, so we are looking to replace that one. 

[Thunderbird]

Personally, I would go to your council's Scout Executive (SE).  If your son is being bullied, you've already tried the Cubmaster and the district.  The SE needs to know what's happening.

[Bobbys_mommy]

Thanks Thunderbird. I'm not sure I know who the SE is. The district executive was at this meeting, along with a representative of the district commissioner, and another man I'd honestly have to look at his business card to remember who he was. They allowed the gang-up on us, and I honestly don't feel I can trust them given that fact.

[Bobbys_mommy]

Just googled it, the 3rd guy was the field director

Will see if I can google who the SE would be

[Thunderbird]

You should be able to do a search on your council's website to find out the name of the Scout Executive there.

[Bobbys_mommy]

I did and I found him! Thank you so much!

[David CO]

2 hours ago, Bobbys_mommy said:

 

He was recently dual registered in a 2nd pack that is more geared towards special needs. Upon finding out, his cub master at his original pack started telling us this was a problem and it was not allowed. I knew this not to be true but he gave us a hard time about if for 2 months. 

 

I don't know if the cub master was talking about BSA rules or unit policy when he said that dual registration is not allowed. While the original pack cannot stop you from joining another unit, it can drop your son from membership in their unit.

I also don't know what you mean when you say he gave you a hard time. 

 

[Bobbys_mommy]

He kept questioning us about it, we would explain to him what we had been told, he would drop it then bring it up again the next week, and so forth, for 2 months. He was finally set straight by district that dual registration is allowed and there was no need to drag out questioning us about it for so long. He should have gone to district if he had questions about it, not harassed us. 

I suppose if a pack is foolish enough to drop a dues-paying boy from their pack, who is according to them the best behaved scout that they have,  whose parents are leaders who they desperately need and also donate hundreds of dollars in crafts/supplies on their own dime... Then that is their business. But my understanding is there is no rule against dual registration, just that advancement records need to be kept at one pack, the one where dues is paid, with awards presented there as well. 

The 2nd pack collected no dues from him/us. Though we've made a point to remind them that if they ever need anything, they need only ask. I don't feel right not paying something but that is the rule apparently. They charged us a whooping $1 to register him.

[David CO]

4 hours ago, Bobbys_mommy said:

 

Things finally came to blows a couple weeks ago & he intimidated our son to the point that he was hiding under a table. I tried to discuss this with the cubmaster after a meeting but he hung up on me. So I contacted District.

 

I assume you do not mean to say that things actually came to blows. 

 

[David CO]

4 hours ago, Bobbys_mommy said:

 

District set up a meeting, but long story short the entire committee (which included no parents, mostly boy scout leaders who had nothing to do with the situation)

 

It is very unusual for a unit committee to have no parents. 

Other than setting up a meeting for you with the unit committee, I don't see what else the district could do. What were you expecting them to do?

 

Edited April 29, 2018 by David CO

[ParkMan]

I've had scouts dual register.  It's unusual - but it is allowed.

I'm sure there are packs in your area that would love to have your son join.  If you'd come to our pack, we'd have welcomed you to the group.  When you approach a new pack, I'd just go over the dual registration approach at the beginning.

As for pursuing the issue with the old pack.  My recommendation would be to make a call to the helpline above.  Give them a report of your concern.  They'll follow up with the council and it will get investigated.  I wouldn't think any more of it - I'd move on.  

[Bobbys_mommy]

Thanks ParkMan. We have other packs lined up to visit and see which he likes best. All have expressed sympathy for what we've been thru and would be happy to have him.

 

David CO, I understand if the whole situation sounds confusing, because it is. I honestly feel there was something else going on in the background here. I grew up with these people and I suspect there is something, perhaps from years ago that I'm not even aware of, that maybe a grudge was being held that again, I am not aware of. All I know is we were treated quite harshly and badgered about a lot of things, when we were one of few who were doing all the work to make the pack run better.

By "came to blows" I mean the ongoing on-and-off attitude we were on the receiving end of exploded and overflowed on to our child, and that is what is not acceptable. No child should ever feel they have to hide under a table from a cub leader. If I were the adult in that situation I would immediately apologize and explain that I did not mean to scare the child, whether I felt I had done anything wrong or not, the child is scared and I am the adult in the situation.

The meeting was not supposed to be with the committee. It was planned to be us as the parents, the cub master, and some people from district. I wouldn't have minded if they included one more leader just to keep the numbers even. But they included the whole committee of boy scout leaders only, so it was 8 of them against 2 of us, and they all questioned us to the point that nothing got handled because there were too many hands in the pot and most of them didn't have all the facts.

District is now forcing them to invite parents to the pack committee meeting. Honestly I thing that is why they are so mad at me, because they are being forced now to run things the way they should be run and haven't been doing all along.

And that's fine, I'm happy to be hated if it brings about positive change. I'm just sad, hurting that it has to hurt my child as well.

[ItsBrian]

From the more information you’ve given, contact your SE. If he/she cares about their job they’ll do something about it at a council level, not a district.