SM CONFERENCE

[Col. Flagg]

I think you know me well enough to know where I'm coming from.  No judgment, just some thoughts.  Looking at your solution where is the step where the scout internalizes it?  Maybe the only lesson he learned is 1) don't get caught next time. 2) if you do dad will have a few hoops to jump through again.  and 3) I'll have to think of things to do to convince the SM to let me off the hook.  (Ya gotta think like a kid on this one.  My Mrs. will attest to that.  She says I'm an expert on it.)

 

All those steps are outward demonstrations, kinda like checking off boxes of things to do to clear the air on this issue.  

 

Actually, the approach I outlined allows time for everyone to reflect on what happened, what will be done to correct this situation and how we will measure improvement. Rather than just sitting down and discussing what happened, this approach links his actions to something he knows (Oath/Law), requires him to take accountability for his actions and puts him in charge of owning the solution by actively demonstrating a (measurable) way to show he's learned his lesson. There are also consequences (missed future events) if he does not demonstrate he's learned his lesson and changed.

 

This ticks all the boxes and gives us an audit trail for how we addressed things and allows the Scout to own the outcome. If he does, he wins. If he doesn't, then he knows he will repeat this process until a) he does or b) decides to quit because Scouting is not something he wants to do. Either way he owns the outcome.

[Stosh]

 I find the boys generally are harder on themselves that I am with discipline.  Therefore I tend to leave it open-ended as to how the boy is going to prove he has changed.  

 

SM: "So what are you planning on doing to correct this issue?"

Scout: "I"m going to write 'I will not get in trouble at camp', a thousand times in my notebook."

SM: "Do you think that's going to make choices different in the future?"

Scout: "How about you telling me what I have to do."

SM: "I think we decided this was your problem. Right?"

Scout: "But I don't know what you expect me to do"

SM: "I think we decided this was your problem. Right?"

 

Now I'm not so cruel as to let this go on forever, but if the boy is consistently focused on making right choice for X # of days, it will become an instilled habit.  Well, at least around you, anyway.    So when one thinks the process has become a part of the boy's awareness when faced with "It sounded like a good idea at the time." kinds of things he will at least pause and think.

 

After a while of watching the boy, I will find an opportunity to let the boy know I have noticed a change and congratulate him in his progress of maturity.

 

I guess it's just my style in that check-boxed requirements whether they be adult mandated or cooperatively derived, seem to mark an "end" to the effort.  I always like to leave a wee bit of open-endedness to the process for any future problems the boy may face.  If all I do is get the boy to stop for a second and think about bad behavior before it happens, I count that as a win for the boy.  Repeated returns to the same beginning over and over again just to get another series of check boxes is difficult on me more than the boy.  I really don't want to take on solving HIS problem by making it my own.

 

But alas, whether it be your approach or mine, there are going to be boys that either it works or it doesn't.  I always like a good Plan-B and it would entail many of the issues you brought up in your approach.  I really hate going the Plan-C of removing the boy from the unit or even from activities marked out in time allotments.  6-weeks, 6-months, etc.  

Edited August 7, 2017 by Stosh