The Scoutson/Scoutmaster relationship

[Chadamus]

To the current and former Scoutmasters who have simultaneously had a son in the Troop,

to any non-Scoutmaster who has observations about the relationship between Scoutson and Scoutmaster:

 

What challenges have you experienced or seen? How did you overcome them?

What are the pros and cons of such a relationship?

What I'm most interested in is how different can the Scouting experience be for a boy whose dad is the Scoutmaster?

 

I ask this as an ASM who will be in this situation eventually.

I have some thoughts/concerns of my own i'll gladly share, but for the time being I would rather listen.

 

Thank you in advance!

[Back Pack]

My dad was Scoutmaster of my unit. He was harder on me to make sure I was prepared than he was on the other scouts. The reason, I thought, was because he didn't want to be embarrassed by me being unprepared. The real reason that he was trying to raise the level of scoutcraft within the troop and wanted a few scouts able to demonstrate these skills and lead.

 

I felt like he was always looking over my shoulder. He wasn't. When I really looked he was taking the time to circulate, talk to the PLs and just let the guys know he was around.

 

He didn't hound me about advancement. Many times he reminded me to take extra time to enjoy things instead of rush through. He didn't play favorites, and would have to remind himself not to be harsher on my than he was on anyone else. There was no way Scouts thought I got away with anything. Quite the opposite.

 

He gave me my space when I asked, but was always there when needed. Many times it was me who suggested we not see each other during summer camp and he honored that request. I'd seen him having lunch with other kids, but he was always available for a coke or an ice cream before camp fire.

 

It wasn't until my Eagle COH I realized exacty why he'd spent so much time doing all these things. It wasn't for the troop, the other kids or even himself. It was all for me...just to be "around" and watch me grow and learn, even if at distance. He some how found time to document seven years of my scouting career from afar. I never knew he was even at some of those events, yet I finally knew by the fact he had thousands of pictures of me and my friends.

 

If you can manage to be a Scoutmaster and still be around for your son, you'll have done your job. Talk to him. See what he wants. Listen to his wishes. Don't parent while at scouts, save that for home.

[qwazse]

As a general we ASMs and SMs pawn off our kids on one another.

That way, no boy of a strong leader is under "the microscope."

Still, Son #2 asked me to be his Eagle advisor.

 

The other thing, respect the fact that your son will probably the one coming early and staying late to meetings on your account.

[krikkitbot]

From a scouter perspective, not necessarily scoutmaster. I have seen some parents/sons who are together all the time while at scout activities. I had to recently ask my sons if they feel like I'm around too much or if I give them enough space to do their own things. They both said they feel comfortable with how much space I give them. So that was a comfort. 

 

To qwaze's point. I think they are both used to being first at the meetings and events and last to leave. 

[NJCubScouter]

My father was Scoutmaster for the last three or so years of my time as a Scout. The main thing I remember was the lengths to which he went to avoid any favoritism or the appearance of favoritism.  Prior to "our time", the troop had for whatever reason developed the tradition that the SM, with the approval of the troop committee, appointed the SPL and ASPL.  Around the time that my father became SM (probably just before), I was appointed ASPL for a one-year term.  As the year was starting to wind up, my father made it clear to me that there was no way he was going to appoint me SPL, and that if I wanted to try to become SPL the PLC would have to make a proposal to the troop committee for the Scouts to elect the SPL, including eligibility requirements, term length and term limit if any.  (We shouldn't have had to do it that way, since even then the "book" said SPL is an elected position, but we had to do it that way.)  All of that happened, the committee approved it, and I ran and was elected SPL.  The previous SM had appointed his own son SPL, but my father wasn't going to do it.  I was probably slightly annoyed by that at the time, but I am impressed with it now.

[Eagledad]

The only time my sons complained (as well as my wife and daughter) was when I talked too much about scouting at the dinner table. To give the whole family a break, scouting discussions at home were very limited.

 

Scoutmasters have so many responsibilities that giving their sons special or higher priority over the other scouts would be challenging. I worried more that I wasn't giving them enough father time on scout outings, especially at summer camp.

 

I enjoyed high adventure treks because I was only a team member, not a scoutmaster. That gave me a lot more one on one time with my sons. I'm not sure they noticed the difference, but I sure did.

 

Barry

[Stosh]

As a general we ASMs and SMs pawn off our kids on one another.

That way, no boy of a strong leader is under "the microscope."

Still, Son #2 asked me to be his Eagle advisor.

 

The other thing, respect the fact that your son will probably the one coming early and staying late to meetings on your account.

 

This is the policy adopted by all three of my troops I have served in.  It works well.  I did notice they backed off a bit on my kid because of me and that bothered me, but things stayed in a better perspective.  The nice thing about it was I often did not know what my son was up to and therefore dealt with in the troop and not taken home, to be discussed, "just wait until your father gets home."  Over and done with and with a lot of fairness mixed in.

[Eagle94-A1]

Only and ASM here. In my troop, we pawn our kids onto other adults. I know my oldest is glad about that b/c I tend to be harder and expect more out of him than others. Now when he is home, I will remind him of things he needs to do occasionally, i.e "Do you think ( insert names of missing patrol members) need to know what is going on since they missed the meeting?". And he will ask me for advice

[Torchwood]

I have a slightly different perspective, as my son and daughter live with their mother most of the time. Our Troop is in the town that they live in, which is about 10 miles from my house. My son has been the leader's kid for a very long time. I became ACM after his first Pack meeting as a Tiger, and took over as CM 2 years later. When he crossed over to the Troop, I was MC until I finished all of the SM training (our Troop requirement), and then served as an ASM until getting the big hat last June. For his entire Scouting career, he has been the first one to arrive and the last one to leave almost every meeting and event. He is 15, at the tail end of his Freshman year in HS, and only needs to complete his project to finish his Eagle requirements, on top of being a straight A student in an Honors program, and a teaching assistant at the Hebrew School of his Congregation. In all this time, I have had to actively balance the time that I want to spend with him at meetings and events with the demands of my position in his Pack and Troop, also making sure to keep clear of any possible hints of favoritism. He has loved Scouting from the very beginning, and I have never had to put a bootprint on his backside to keep him motivated in his advancement. He became one of our 2 ASPLs in September, and when the SPL turned 18 last month, our ASMs and the outgoing SPL selected him as the replacement until our next election cycle. I think the Scouts all trust his wisdom and abilities, as they have been generally accepting of his leadership. I should also mention that from the very beginning, I have asked his permission (as well as that of my wife) before accepting any position in his Unit. It was important to me for him to understand that this is his journey, and that I would only ever be around as much as he wants me to be. I think it has worked out well. We do get along very well, and I think that it has helped us negotiate his adolescence and young adulthood (so far) without any drama.

[jeanvaljean]

this same question applies to coach/player as well, I did coach for a while and I did coach my kids. They always complained that I was tougher on them than on their teammates. I personally thought I was treating every player on the team the same. I do see your point though, and this is why i stopped coaching my kids. I wanted to enjoy their activity as a parent and not as an involved adult etc. That being said, I have already seen some adult scout leaders bending over the rules and working every angel to benefit their kid, who in my opinion doesn't want to be there in the first place. My 2 cents ...

[Back Pack]

Preferred treatment is the other side of that coin. A good Scoutmaster wouldn't give his kid a pass though.

[perdidochas]

From a scouter perspective, not necessarily scoutmaster. I have seen some parents/sons who are together all the time while at scout activities. I had to recently ask my sons if they feel like I'm around too much or if I give them enough space to do their own things. They both said they feel comfortable with how much space I give them. So that was a comfort. 

 

To qwaze's point. I think they are both used to being first at the meetings and events and last to leave. 

 

As an ASM with two sons in the program, I was careful that the boys did some Scouting activities without me.  That's part of why I was happy that they joined OA, and I specifically didn't.   I also was very careful to let the boys have their own life in camp without involving  me.  

[blw2]

not a SM here, but I have taken great pains to give son space at meetings and outings.  He's wanted me a long on a few camping trips, and I probably would have gone on more except I am really making a point not to go even when i want to.  I might be in the room or area, but I am not interacting with him much or directing him at all.  

 

I had an interesting interaction a couple times.... when as Treasurer I have felt compelled to attend a meeting because I know I have business...but he was either sick or just didn't want to go...This happened mostly when he just didn't want to go, he strongly objected to my going as well.  I'm not sure, but I think he didn't want attention called to the fact that he was ditching.  I can't say I was joyed about going without him but I did.

 

We have some that are at every meeting and on every trip with their sons.....kinda like 3rd year WEBELOS, or really better than that but they are often interacting....

and others that are always there but do a fairly good job of minimal interactions, letting other scouters deal with their sons....

[andysmom]

My husband is my son's Scoutmaster.  I think most of the time if an outsider showed up to a scouting event they would have no idea that they are related.  My husband does not sign off on advancement for our son and all SMC have been held with ASM in our troop.  They do share a tent sometimes on camping trips because my son has complex medical needs and requires my husband's assistance on occasion.  This summer our son will not be attending summer camp (for the first time) but my husband will be there for the week, as usual.  I do think he is sad about it though.

[Stosh]

It bothered me, as well, when my son dropped out of scouts when he as at Star rank.  It surprised him that I did not.  My focus was on helping all boys, not just my son.