Death of a Thousand Paper Cuts: Time to switch?

[gumbymaster]

As  you may have gathered, your problems, while very relevant to you, are common throughout scouting.

 

One of my first recommendations is to meet with your Unit Commissioner, if you don't know who that is, work with the District Commissioner or District Executive to find out.  This is a person who's job is to mentor you for your roll and challenges.  They are often seasoned Scouters, whom while they may not have dealt with your specific problem before, may have colleagues who have or have other similar experiences to help you.

 

If nothing else, it will be nice to have at least one person on your side.

 

It is also probably relevant to ask about your Chartering Organization, if they are active, bring them in.  If you have almost no interaction with them, then you have more freedom.

 

Find the parents that do care and put them on the committee with you, given specific (small) tasks that each is responsible for.

Once you can start off loading some of the smaller specific and recurring tasks, it will allow you to focus on larger tasks like if a change in leadership is needed.

 

Best of luck for you

Edited April 10, 2017 by gumbymaster

[MrBob]

Please review the below quote from the OP:

 

Last week I got an email saying that BSA couldn't process my adult leadership application because not enough funds had been deposited into our unit account. I contacted the treasurer, who is also the spouse of the pack master to let her know. She said she would fix the problem. One week later, the funds have still not been added.

 

 

OP is not the Committee Chairperson.  Even though she may very well have been performing the tasks of a committee chair, she isn't one.  She isn't a registered adult leader.  She can still walk away.  

 

 

 

RMI2.0 - you need to make a decision, and quickly, on what you want to do:  a) take your son and go to a properly functioning Pack, or b) attempt to right a sinking ship who's crew is either ignorant or uncaring of the fact that its taking on water.  If you go the b) route, expect a lot of personal confrontation, as I expect you're going to have to remove the Cubmaster, Treasurer, and several Den Leaders from their positions, with the assistance of your Unit Commissioner, District Executive, and Chartered Organization Representative / Institution Head.  Then you're going to have to create a new Committee and appoint/recruit a new Cubmaster and Den Leaders -- all without scaring off all of the existing cubs and parents ( though if they're as sick of the status quo as you are, perhaps they'll pitch in? )

 

If you really want to tackle a coup d'etat, the first thing you'll need to do is go to your council office and plonk down a check for $24 USD to get your membership application taken care of.  Hopefully its been signed by your Chartered Organization Representative, and not pencil-whipped by the prior Chair on his/her way out the door.

[RMI2.0]

Please review the below quote from the OP:

 

 

OP is not the Committee Chairperson.  Even though she may very well have been performing the tasks of a committee chair, she isn't one.  She isn't a registered adult leader.  She can still walk away.  

 

 

 

RMI2.0 - you need to make a decision, and quickly, on what you want to do:  a) take your son and go to a properly functioning Pack, or b) attempt to right a sinking ship who's crew is either ignorant or uncaring of the fact that its taking on water.  If you go the b) route, expect a lot of personal confrontation, as I expect you're going to have to remove the Cubmaster, Treasurer, and several Den Leaders from their positions, with the assistance of your Unit Commissioner, District Executive, and Chartered Organization Representative / Institution Head.  Then you're going to have to create a new Committee and appoint/recruit a new Cubmaster and Den Leaders -- all without scaring off all of the existing cubs and parents ( though if they're as sick of the status quo as you are, perhaps they'll pitch in? )

 

If you really want to tackle a coup d'etat, the first thing you'll need to do is go to your council office and plonk down a check for $24 USD to get your membership application taken care of.  Hopefully its been signed by your Chartered Organization Representative, and not pencil-whipped by the prior Chair on his/her way out the door.

 

Mr. Bob I thank you because think you've really honed in on the key points I was trying to articulate. I appreciate all of the responses, and I respect those who say I should step up to take over more work. But you've really seen what I'm up against. Already doing the work of so many, and in order to fix that I'd have to do the work of even more...all while facing confrontation, resentment and probable obstacles too numerous to count. 

 

I can get past occasional petty drama, learning curves, disagreements on activities or leadership styles. Those are par for the course, and I understand that. However with this position, with these dynamics, it is like fighting a battle on all fronts to have all of those issues all at once from nearly everyone in it. As far as me doing a coup, we even have an assistant cub master I'd have to get through. He's what I call "all hat, no cattle". He points out the flaws, complains a lot about everyone, comes up with ideas for things other people should do, does nothing. 

 

Anyways, I don't want to sit here and complain and be a hypocrite. I'm just trying to express the magnitude of obstacles I face in just carrying out the basic functions of the position, let alone actually fixing them. 

 

And as you said, rightly so, I'm carrying out the functions without actually being the real chairperson...since they won't even bother to pay for my application.

 

I will politely resign my nomination for the position (since again, its just a nomination at this point).

[qwazse]

FWIW, in the units that I'm in, adults pay for their own application out of their own dues.

[Eagledad]

I totally understand your frustration. And I'm not belittling your situation at all. Changing packs may be your best solution. Whenever I worked with frustrated scouters such as yourself, I told them "welcome to the world of the District Executive." The problem organizations faced with relying on volunteers is that they have to rely on volunteers. Volunteers carry the heavy baggage of inexperience and no skills. Along with that is the added burden of good intentions without follow through. It's very frustrating as you know.

 

Your only choice is to take the program by the horns and run it from the CC position, or step way back. Many really successful units are managed by CC who has the skills to recruit and delegate. If you believe yourself to have those skills, pay the application fee yourself and take over. If you doubt having those skills, then the CC probably isn't a good place for you anyway.

 

As I said, I have seen hundreds of units in your situation. Sadly they are probably the majority of programs to some degree. But someone with the right skills can change all that.

 

Barry

[RMI2.0]

FWIW, in the units that I'm in, adults pay for their own application out of their own dues.

 

Understood. However our pack voted to pay for the adult leadership fees. So, if it were the case that adults paid, then that would be a non-issue. In this case though, the pack is paying for some and not others willy nilly.

[MrBob]

FWIW, in the units that I'm in, adults pay for their own application out of their own dues.

 

We don't charge our volunteers a fee to let them volunteer.

[highcountry]

To the original OP. You are involved with a bunch of lazy, selfish, self centered and some dysfunctional parents and the mess of a pack they created. The previous CC did NOT fix the issues, they told you that as they were burned out and fed up. You inherited a bunch of adult babies who are completely used to someone else doing everything for them, complain when everything is not just so, complain that you don't send them enough reminders....on and on. These people will not change. The only way to fix it is to eliminate (Don't allow them to recharter) all the deadwood adults and complaining parents and start with people who you can somewhat depend on and are reasonable functional people, not adult babies. Be prepared for all kinds of back biting, complaints, drama etc if you take this route. To my way of looking at things, way too much grief, drama and stress for someone trying to VOLUNTEER and make things good. 

It is high time these dysfunctional group of people stop having a place to dump all the work/grief etc and either learn to do something for themselves of have the pack sink into the swampy mess these people created. The longer you stay in there the longer you will be enabling them, they are never going to step up or even appreciate what you do or change....their problem, not yours.

 

Your son will only be young a short while, find another pack and just go. The funds thing for the adult application may be a blessing from above, you are not an official anything other than being a doormat for loser parents and "helpers". Go elsewhere and give your son a good experience, help in a pack that has it going, enjoy your life and other people that have a clue. As for the deserving boys in the existing pack, yes maybe stinks for them but they need to make their own decisions and find their own way, you cannot fix the world. Have a backbone, fully realize the reality of the situation, MAKE A DECISION....stick to the decision and move on. Don't spend any time explaining it or justifying it or answer the why's why not's etc. Walk away clean and move on, don't feel bad and don't look back.

 

Go choose another pack NOW, DO NOT do another thing about the adult app and funds do not mention it and do not yourself write a check and pay so you can be neglected, abused, taken for granted. Sign up your son in the other pack, notify them by email that you are not the CC and you and your son have left for pack X, do not discuss with these bozos ahead of time, do not tell them in person. They may not even bother reading the email and become bewildered when you are suddenly not there to spoon feed them and take them by the hand and make everything all better for them. They will certainly resent you and worse as they fully expect you to stick around and do everything. The real anger is they deep down realize it ain't gonna happen in the pack anymore unless they actually do something, which they seem incapable of and probably won't.

 

At the end of the day you have to live with yourself, do the best for your son and try to live a life you feel you have made a worthwhile commitment and try to be happy. You have one life to live, don't waste it on miscreants.

[Col. Flagg]

At the end of the day you have to live with yourself, do the best for your son and try to live a life you feel you have made a worthwhile commitment and try to be happy. You have one life to live, don't waste it on miscreants.

 

[RMI2.0]

High County and Col. Flagg,

 

You both made me laugh. Thank you. High County, you said exactly what my husband said, and what I was thinking. The reason I came here was to run this past others to see if they thought this was worthwhile, as a last ditch sort of thing. Admittedly, my mind was almost entirely made up when I made the post. 

 

I resigned the position today with a respectful and tactful letter to the other leaders without blame or details. 

 

At the very least I will stick with the pack until school lets out and day camp is over. If things go well, then its water under the bridge for me. I will still look at this other pack nearby, since I know my son does know several boys there who would be in his den. Better to be a highly productive scout parent than a failed CC.

 

As many have said, this is for my son, and I have to do MY best to ensure he has as good of an experience as he can. And won't his experience be all the better if his parents aren't stressed, groaning or resentful? :-)

 

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and respond. I truly appreciate it.

[Tampa Turtle]

I left one Pack when my son was a Wolf because I just couldn't stand that group of irresponsible Dad's (who thought Cub Scout camping was about drinking, playing cards, and ignoring the boys). I found a good Pack and was glad I did. Congrats on pulling the trigger. Yours sounded like a leaking lifeboat.