Parents.....

[mashmaster]

So my troop is helping the local Pack at their Pinewood derby tomorrow.  I see this message of a mom of a cub scout that is a Webelos I.  It make me angry and sad at the same time.

 

Child X's 2017 Pinewood Derby car.
This is the third one I have made. I hope it's as fast as last year's.

[Oldscout448]

Yeah, it's hard sometimes to not grab certain people and yell   " What is so hard to understand about this?  We help the scouts yes, we don't do it for them!"   

 

Sigh

[Stosh]

And for Derby cars, it's unfortunate, once those Webelos parents cross over to Boy Scouts, the damage they are capable of doing increases exponentially.  Parents are in a big hurry to potty train their kids and teach them to walk and talk, but somewhere along the line they give up being parent and start being a friend which by lowering themselves down to their maturity level means the kids never have a chance to be an adult.   It used to be the kids could escape that trap at 18, but now we have parents keeping them in their psychological dungeons of their basements until the kids are well into their 30's and 40's.

 

Wake up, it's only a Derby car!  It's not the end of the world but it would seem it may be the beginning of a slippery slope for their son.  And if the Derby car wins, the boy gets the award knowing full well, he didn't make the car.  That's not a good life lesson to learn at that age.

[Cambridgeskip]

A few years ago we had a cooking night at scouts. During it one of the scouts, because someone bet him that he couldn't, punched a hole in the bottom of a washing up bowl. It wasn't intended as a wanton damage, just a stupid bit of teenage boy stupidity because he was too dopy to not say no. It was, in theory, easily dealt with. General dressing down and scout was informed that he would be buying a new bowl to replace it. Bring it in next week please.

 

Next week comes around. Scout arrives without new bowl. Mum walks into the hall with him and comes to speak to me. She apologised. Not for son's stupidity. Not for her son having failed to buy a bowl and bring it with him. Instead she apologised that SHE hadn't had time to go and buy one.

 

I could have wept.

 

Alas there are some parents that will just never get it.

[SSScout]

Oh, these things aren't so new. 

It was, let's see now...  yep, 28 years ago.   I was the late night Dispatcher for our bus system.  I checked in the last drivers, inventoried the fleet,  closed and locked up the joint, went home at , oh, maybe 1:20am if all went well.

 One Friday night, about 11:30pm, I get a phone call. The male voice on the other end asks, if I could answer a question about the subway system (suburban Maryland into DC)  (which our busses connected to).  After I asked and he told me how he got this phone number (he first called the police (!) and they gave it to him), he asked how his child could get down to George Washington University Saturday morning . The boy was going to attend a special science program.  Are you going with him tomorrow?  No, he will go by himself.  And he has been chosen to attend this special program?   Oh yes, he is very smart.  When was this scheduled?   He signed up about a month ago.    How old is the boy?  He's  15.  If you are not going with him, and he is going by himself, shouldn't he be speaking to me?    There was a noticeable silent pause on the line. 
A younger voice came on the line....  I asked,  are you looking forward to this symposium?  He said This what?  

 

Eventually, I was able to describe to him how to catch the Metro line and get to George Washington U.   I did not ask him how long he would "allow" his father to plan his itinerary, but I felt like it.   No one ever called back,  I never heard about how he made out.

 

Sic semper parentis .

 

When we  check in the Cub's Car,  we have three categories:   Cubs,  SIblings/guests,  and Adults/Unlimited.  This is made clear in the rules handed out and discussed in the months leading up to the PWD day.  Saves some bad feelings.....

[Stosh]

If I had a nickel for every time an adult did something for a scout he was totally capable of doing himself, I would be a lot richer than I am now.

 

I rack this up to the idea that parents can't let their dear little, precious kids fail at anything.  They are bred to compete and winning isn't everything, it's the only thing.    Second place is really first place loser.  I have heard it all.  I even had one mom that kept a book calendar of all her son's itinerary so that they could be where they needed to be on time.  Only she wrote in the book.  The two boys did Eagle, their dad was an Eagle and they were in my crew so I knew the routine well.  The older boy was Lodge Chief.  With all the accolades and awards, I would bet good money they never really earned any of it on their own.

 

This is how parents do a major disservice to their children.  They can't stay their babies forever, they have to grow up and if one stands in the way, they never will.

[Eagledad]

I'm getting old and cranky and have come to find these evil parent discussions distasteful. I have no problem with venting a recent experience to an understanding-been-there-done-that audience because that's a healthy way to ease frustrations. But these threads more often than not grow into generalanti-parent or anti-adult rants. You would have thought that Scoutmasters were born perfect and above it all. We can be assured that we Scoutmasters are just as mortal and with same flaws as the little people.

 

I believe and taught young Scoutmasters that if they want the support of parents, they need to spend as much time working with the parents as their sons in the purpose and processes of the program. Scoutleading is hard and even the very best leaders screw up. When our egos grow big enough to block our humility to see parents as equals, we become dangerous as their sons' mentors.

 

Sorry for the rant.

 

Barry

[bearess]

Enh, I have a Webelos I- I can't get too worked up over this. My son has done nearly all the work on his cars himself- and it is still a lot of work for me! I walk with hi. to our Pack woodworking night, help himselect the right tools show him how to use the tools, talk to him about the design he wants, go with him to get the paint, make suggestions on how to paint/what designs will work, take him to a friend's workshop to put on the wheels, give suggestions on how to get the wheels tight, buy graphite, etc. No scout is making his own car with no adult guidance.

Now, I see kids who are clearly not making their own car at all- and that's different. But no one is sending a 9 year old out with a block of wood with no guidance either!

[qwazse]

Lighten up on the mom.

Look forward to the kid's awesome science fair project.

[T2Eagle]

I made 10 of the things, we made ten of the things, they made ten of the things.  

 

Depending on context, who I was speaking with and/or how much precision I was putting into an electronic message tapped out in 15 seconds I could have made any or all of the above statements, but unless you were with me to see the body language, nuance, and context of the communication you cannot know what I was actually conveying or have any insight at all into how much respective work my sons or I put into any of the ten cars made while they were Cubs.

 

You are reading much into a sentence that probably wasn't directed specifically to you.

[mashmaster]

I hope you are right that I misread the meaning.  Although after seeing the car, I find it hard to believe that the boy had much input into the creation that I saw.  I realize it is a team effort to build, I have helped my son through the years and from him designing it on the wood I cut it and he sanded and painted it.  To finally helping him use the band saw safely and guiding him through the process with scrap wood until he was capable of using the tool.

[Stosh]

My son was Tiger through Arrow of Light.  Never made a car.  He wasn't interested.  His call.  I thought it might have been fun, but it never happened.

[JasonG172]

Its no big surprise that MOST cars are "owned" by dad with the child's assistance (paint) but it also allows bonding time with dad and son. 

[DadScouts]

Older son never a Cub and younger son only a Cub for one year then quit for Boy Scouts so I only had 1 opportunity at viewing this Pine Wood Derby mess.  My son took the wood and penciled in the design he wanted.  I had a small band saw and thought the perfect opportunity to teach my son how to use it safely and I'd be right there to make sure he had 10 fingers afterwards.  Well, he wasn't that experienced with it and really missed one of his lines on the cut.  I thought he'd be upset.  He looked at it and said, "Hey dad, look, I made a pickup truck!"  Love kids sometimes.

He sanded the heck out of it, painted it several coats, and was very proud.  We went to the Derby and my heart sunk.  Some cars had air brush paint jobs!  I thought again he would be upset.  Instead he noticed something I had not, "Dad, look how all the Tiger cars are perfect, since the dads made them, and look how the Webelos look normal since the kids made them."  I was never so proud of my son!  In the race his car didn't do that well, even among his Webelos made competitors but he had a blast and was very happy all the Cubs loved his car since he did a pickup truck.  Many wishes they had as well.  It all comes around.

[blw2]

even more than that, I'm bothered by the high number of premade kits being entered.....and even winning the most creative awards and similar....