Drama and the Cross Over

[Eagle94-A1]

What a day yesterday was.  Middle son Crossed Over into Boy Scouts, and unfortunately there was some drama. According to the CM, the OA bailed out on us at the very last minute. 4 hours before the ceremony. Needless to say he was furious, and so was several other pack leaders.

 

For the past month, the WDL, my wife, had some concerns because the other troop's SM and OA rep would not answer her emails/messages. First she asked me to get involved, but changed her mind since the SM has a very strong animosity towards me. She eventually was told OA is a go from the CM because he talked to the SM and the OA rep had set everything up. No one was worried about it for 2 weeks.

 

4 hours before the meeting, a message goes out that the OA has backed out.  As mentioned several people were furious, CM asked if we should cancel or could I come up with a backup ceremony since I wrote most of the pack's ceremonies, and OA AOL/Cross Over Ceremonies back in the day. Since the Cross Over Ceremony would be to 2 troops, mine and the troop I've had issues with, I messaged my SPL, SM, and the other SM and CM to tell them what was going on regarding the OA, and how I was working on a script for the Cross Over.  Of course the other SM sent out an email saying how I was "taking over and turning it into a Troop XYZ show," and that what I planned to do was not done in Cross Over ceremonies ( before reading the script ) Had to message the group that, no it wasn't a troop XYZ affair, but rather modifying a Scout Investiture Ceremony to have 2 troops doing it. Both SPLs and all PLs in attendance would have parts in it.

 

While modifying the script, the group gets a message that he found a script online that could be used so I don't have to waste any of my time. Ok no problem, but then he doesn't send it. So I finish mine and post. While helping set up, The CM pulls me aside and tells me he using the one the SM sent him. No problem, his son is going to that troop and they don't want to make waves.

 

Then it gets interesting. First one of the Scouts asks if I know where the pack's Native American headresses are at. I haven't been active with the pack except on an activity basis for over a year now, so I have no idea. Then the wife calls me and she says she FINALLY got a response from the SM saying he never got her messages until thaty day. He doesn't know much of what is going on, the OA never returned calls and messages, yada yada yada. Basically the SM contradicted everything the CM said about his conversations with the SM.

 

Now the SM has a history of not following through on things, putting the blame on others, etc. He's cancelled things at the last minute because he did not follow through. In addition to al the drama, I'm wondering if he ever really contacted the OA, because again from the message the wife got, the OA never returned the SM's messages. If that is the case, I'm going to be ticked off because you now have a bunch of folks ticked off at the OA.

 

 

 

[Stosh]

Don'tcha just love it when adults run the show?    Seriously folks? the Webelos boys don't care as long as they get to go into the new troops.  Sure, it would be nice, but is it necessary.

 

Lay out an imaginary "bridge" on the floor if one doesn't have one.  Put the two troops on one end and the pack on the other.  The parents and Cub come up to the CM who stands at the foot of the bridge and takes the boy's necker off, hands it to the parents and shakes the boy's hand with the cub hand shake, thanks him for being a We be Loyal Scouts (Webelos) and let him know his journey is only halfway done and the really exciting part is yet to come.  He then sends him over the bridge where he goes to the SPL of the troop he will be joining (leaving his parents on the Cub side ).  He receives his new necker, Boy Scout hand shakes the troop members and his welcomed him into the troop.

 

Repeat as needed for each scout.  The CM can personalize his comments for each of the boys and for their accomplishments.  Nothing scripted, nothing dramatic, just a sincere celebration.  There can be no "mistakes" in the ceremony because everything comes from the heart.

 

In the long run, what's the boy going to remember about his cross-over?  The well wishes of the CM and the welcome of the new troop.  End of discussion.

[DuctTape]

I agree with stosh. Too much pomp and circumstance for "cross over".

[Eagledad]

 If that is the case, I'm going to be ticked off because you now have a bunch of folks ticked off at the OA.

You are young and short on life experiences, so I don't expect this to go very far. But while I was a scouter frustrated by actions and inactions of parents and leaders I couldn't control, an old timer told me that I must learn the art of "not letting this stuff get to me and to move on". 

 

Getting all worked up doesn't change anything. Now I didn't take his advice then, but even my kids have told me lately that I have over time developed that ability to look forward without looking back at those things I can't change. My siblings come to mind. My life and relationships are much better as a result. The bible says don't dwell in the past; the righteous keep moving forward. I believe nobility has blinders to the nay sayers.

 

Barry

[T2Eagle]

Take Barry's advice.

 

You are someone for whom scouting is a burning passion, you prioritize it over other things, and you always strive to do it as well as it can be done.  In your scouting career you will find yourself surrounded by people for whom none of those things is true.

 

As soon as you are worrying about who said what to whom when, or how accurately a person is conveying to you their own or someone else's actions or communications you are entering into territory that cannot be won.  Similar to a Scoutmaster with a troop, you have to remember that only principles and safety matter, everything else can be on any given day done well or done poorly, and it won't and shouldn't have any lasting effect on the well being of the boys.

[Eagle94-A1]

I admit, I need to calm down a bit and not take it personally. Especially since this isn't new. I'm just tired of  this guys antics. I'm tired of him blaming me for stuff he himself has done to himself and unfortunately his troop. And it appears that he may be trying to blame the OA, an organization that not only means alot to me, but also an organization that I and others worked our butts off to improve locally, for things he did not do.

 

And yes, he definately has blinders on. Before the situation got really bad, the night oldest Crossed Over to be exact, I attempted to have a nice chat about some of the issues he had with the district. Long story short, he didn't want to hear it and it went in one ear out the other.

[Stosh]

A young man was standing at a store front at the mall looking at the merchandise.  Suddenly he pushed from behind and he hit his face against the window.  He was IRATE, until he turned around and saw the culprit.  It was an elderly man with a white cane that had stumbled.  Anger dissipated in an instant.  We choose how we react to situations right down to the most basic of feelings. 

 

I learned of that story as a young man, it has stuck with me my entire life.  I choose not to let the actions of others dictate how I feel.

[sst3rd]

Sorry about the drama. As our OA chapter's ceremony committee advisor, we put our services out for all to see. We do Call-Outs for troops, and AOL's for packs. When a request is made from the pack , usually CM or WDL our Ceremony Committee Chair (a Scout), assembles a team. If one can't be assembled quickly, we call the pack back in plenty of time for the pack to make other plans. Yes, that's me the adult advisor making sure this happens that way. I apologize to no one.

 

We don't do Crossovers. As a  former SM, I feel that the pack/Webelos leaders and receiving troops, either have their own ceremony or should put one together to meet their expectations. We will support the Crossover, stand around. look good, be props, but the Crossover belongs to the packs/troops. We do everything possible to keep our promise of being there. We are, however, dealing with young men and their ever increasing responsibilities at home, school, and other outside activities. Sometimes they simply forget a prior gig. That's why I get paid the big bucks.

 

Again, it's about the scouts.

 

sst3rd

[Oldscout448]

Ah yes, the big bucks for those of us who are lucky enough to be advisors.   

 

We did an AoL ceremony last year in the woods for several different packs at once, so we pulled out all the stops.  When the Chief shot the burning arrow I heard one  cub exclaim "Cooool !"

 

Paid in full

[Eagle94-A1]

@@sst3rd ,

 

Chapter locally  has both an AOL Ceremony and a Cross Over Ceremony. Usually they are done one after the other, but some packs want one or the other. In my experience with the OA, only once did a ceremony team not show up, and they were involved in an car accident on the way to the ceremony.  Even then, they got a ceremonialist from another lodge to step in and do the Call Out Ceremony.

 

Funniest "no show" was when two principles and the paddler flipped over in a canoe on the way to the ceremony. Long story short, the 2 who made it to shore, and the paddler, ad libbed the full ceremony. And if the guy who caused the canoe to flip ever got Vigil, his name would translate to "Chief Big Feather."

 

 

ALL,

 

THANK YOU! Your words have really helped me out on this.

[gumbymaster]

In our pack, we have generally used the OA for the Arrow of Light award ceremony, but not for the cross over itself.

 

For the cross over, in a varriation of what @@Stosh said, we use a bridge with the den on one side and the receiving troops on the other. We have bridged into as many as four troops before.  Generally we do all the boys going to one troop, then switch out the troops to do the next set.

 

My old ceremony, that I really liked, was heavily based on the Jungle Book/Man Cub story where as CM, I asked the SPL to receive the new scout into their own tribe.  Since the requirements change/Ethan, I've had a new CM, so I didn't have to do much, but the ceremony was a little more generic.

 

As for the OA, they have not let me down yet, (but almost all of them were also members of one of the bridging troops); however, I always keep a backup plan ready to go anytime I am depending on guests to be a part of the program.

 

It sounds like there was a lot more than just a ceremony going on, so hopefully with the bridging complete, you won't have to deal with the other troop any time soon.

 

Best of luck (and thank you for all you do), and congratulations on your son's achievement.

Edited January 5, 2017 by gumbymaster

[Stosh]

Of course one can make it even a bit simpler and have a cross-over be a cross over.....   Forget the bridge, just cross over from one side of the room to the other.  Sometimes it doesn't pay to over think things.

[MattR]

In a situation like this where everything is getting out of hand and plans are failing left and right, stand back and remember you're not getting paid for this and it's all about the scouts. So, ignore the adults, what do the scouts need? As others have said, make it simple and put some really loud cheer or something in there to make it fun. In this case they should be recognized for completing cub scouts and joining a troop, and they should have fun doing it. They don't care about the content of the ceremony, only that there is one.

 

I've gotten to the point that adults not helping out or doing what they said they'd do is just part of the job. The longer term issue is dealing with some of these adults in the future. I didn't quite follow who said what to whom but it sounds like there are big egos involved. That will grind you down over time. Take care of yourself and focus on the good moments, like when a scout comes up to you and says thank you.