Out of the mouths of young men....sigh

[Stosh]

It is very strongly discouraged to have a UC that's connected to the unit.  Just muddies the waters.  Outside eyes are much better.

[David CO]

It is very strongly discouraged to have a UC that's connected to the unit.  Just muddies the waters.  Outside eyes are much better.

 

Even more so if the son is the SPL.

[Stosh]

Nepotism is a good reason NOT to have parents involved in the program. 

[qwazse]

This is really a separate discussion, but UC is kind of an odd position. I'd like to think I'm open to suggestions from anyone,  but I have an ego too, I'd need to be convinced I was just flat doing something blatantly mistakenly before I would accept someone outside telling me what I'm doing is just wrong.

Discussion has been had and ignored by scouters all across this great land.

[zuzy]

sighhhhh, Sunday seems so long away.  And that is even "if" there is a meeting.  Yes, SPL's dad is looking for another troop.  He knows how a few of them operate and the boys and leaders.  SPL is going to wait for Sunday to see how things go, if he can get his application signed.  If not, he is going to call three different troops and speak with the SMs.  He told me he is now a troop-hopper, one that is not look upon very greatly in scouting and he does not like it.  He would've have liked to stay in his old troop if only  sports and scouts could have lived happily together..

 

Hubby is constantly reminding me,,,, it is not up to "you" when this happens or "if" it happens.  I just know how hard SPL has worked, he has earned each and every badge he has on that sash, is a responsible, respectable young man and is very willing and able to help other scouts to learn.  He would be a great asset to any other troop.  He is not troop hopping because of behavior issues, just issues of being able to complete his scouting goals.

 

I wanted to have his COH in November this year because of all the sporting practices and events coming up so he could at least have some breathing time.  But it is looking like this will not be happening.  Just a mom thing I guess.  At this point I am hoping that he only completes the eagle and this is a crying shame especially that all he needs is the application and SMC done.

 

I can understand where some of you would be hesitant to sign off a scout that is unknown to you especially for the EAGLE rank.  It is just too bad that it has come down to this for "my" son.  It seems like we have had to scratch and claw for so many things for him/with him because of the Asperger's.  He has hidden it well and has done a tremendous job on his own acclimating to this world of ours and not his.  Now, because of this schmuck of a SM, he must continue to scratch and claw.  Hubby has uncovered many inappropriate practices in this troop which I will not disclose.  How many more troops are running like this below radar???  I am sad, for son, sad for scouting.

[Beavah]

Yah, hmmm....

 

Lots of stuff here, eh?  And lots of history it seems.

 

If I'm readin' this right, the lad was a transfer late in his scoutin' career into this troop.  A move perhaps (?)

 

Troops have cultures, eh?  In their own way, young folks are also pretty conservative.  They want da things that have become part of their life to be stable.  They've figured 'em out right?  

 

So it's often really hard for a lad to switch troops later on in his career.  All he sees are the way things are different and not as good, at least for a while.  We adults do this too, eh?  How many times have yeh seen someone new to an organization say "Well, at my old organization, we did it differently!"   

 

Adult leaders are human too, eh?  They've got a troop culture goin' with a whole bunch of lads they've known since age 11, and now there's this new kid tryin' to make changes.  It can be a challenge for adults to adjust.

 

This is normal human stuff.  Stuff that it's a good learnin' and growin' up process to work through, but stuff that will be an added challenge for an Aspergers kid.  

 

Then we add into it Dad, who shouldn't be a UC for his son's troop and who as a UC certainly shouldn't be tryin' to get da district to force things on the unit; and mom on the committee (I think).  Oi!  What a muddle.

 

Hard to say anything from afar.

 

Sometimes in cases like this movin' to Troop #3 is a good thing for a boy.  Troop #2 has taught him that not all troops are alike, so he's more open to Troop #3 bein' different from #1 and #2.  He might even realize that there are a few things he liked better about Troop #2.  Part of da growin' up process.

 

I'd leave it up to the boy, eh?  He seems like he's thinkin' it through just fine.  Mom and Dad need to take a few steps back, though.  No point in gettin' involved as parents in the lad's struggles with the meeting plans for the week. Those are his struggles.  Stay out of da drama.  If he does decide to move to Troop #3, dad's not allowed to be UC, mom should stay off the Committee.  Just be supportive parents.  Aspergers kids have a rough go of it, since they miss some of da social cues and that sorta accelerates the drama sometimes.  Help the boy work through that, not so much by "scratching and clawing" but by figurin' out strategies to make communication more explicit.

 

Beavah

[zuzy]

Mom's not on committee, just clothes washer and patch sewer.

[Stosh]

Mom's not on committee, just clothes washer and patch sewer.

 

 

Cheesh!  I haven't been treated that well since I was a junior in high school.  My senior year my mom taught me to cook (including baking), sew (by hand AND on the machine), do laundry (including ironing) and clean house.  Taking out the garbage was the easy part. 

[David CO]

I am actually pretty impressed.  It's not every day that I hear about a boy with Asperger's who is both a successful athlete and a SPL (elected by his peers).

[zuzy]

SPL just turned 15 the 6th of this month. 3.5gpa, basketball, football, wonderful kid. Very quirky when it comes to friends. Only has 3 or 4 really good friends. Nails chewed down .

 

I am super proud of this kid, he has worked very hard to "fit" in.

 

Will be a sophomore next year.

[David CO]

It sounds to me like SPL has been doing just great in the troop he is in.  The other boys seem to have liked him well enough that they elected him into the top youth position in the unit.

 

There is no guarantee that the next group of boys in a new troop will feel the same way.  

 

I think maybe he should consider distancing himself from all this adult drama and just concentrate on having a good time with his friends.

[MrBob]

It sounds to me like SPL has been doing just great in the troop he is in.  The other boys seem to have liked him well enough that they elected him into the top youth position in the unit.

 

There is no guarantee that the next group of boys in a new troop will feel the same way.  

 

I think maybe he should consider distancing himself from all this adult drama and just concentrate on having a good time with his friends.

 

If he hates being in the unit, due to the emotional stress caused by his Scoutmaster - someone who, as SPL, he needs to work closely with - why should he stay?

 

You're basically advocating that someone stay in an abusive relationship and just "work it out".

Edited July 20, 2016 by MrBob

[Stosh]

It could very well be the fact that he got elected to SPL that may be the source of the drama.

[zuzy]

This is what son is saying as well. If he had never been elected SPL none of this would be happening. Hubby and I told him it would be a great chance to experience leadership when he ran for the position in January. He thought he might be able to turn the adult led troop around to boy led. Never did he dream that the SM and ASM would be such Jenks and not teach him how to lead. Just constantly told him what a bad job he was doing and that his leadership socks and he had better pull his head out. This all on the very first meeting he conducted as,an SPL in February. Has not gotten any better since.

 

No, he will not be staying in this troop. If SM signs his application by some miracle on Sunday, he SPL will hold his,Eagle COH and then either transfer to another troop or hang up his class "as.

 

If SM does not sign on Sunday, SPL will be on the phone on Monday talking to other troop SMS to get his SMC and application secured.

[zuzy]

There is no good times to be had in this troop. ASM does all the talking at the meetings and does not let the boys have fun on outings. Everything has to be done Perfectly, they cannot have a learning curve. His own son, he took away fire building from him at summer camp becauseche,was not doing it right. SPL had A SPL go over and calm the ASM son down and get ASM away. Heck, the boys aren't even allowed to eat snacks when they want to on camp outs because it costs money. ASM runs the troop not SM

 

Again NO FUN allowed, this is serious learning here at this troop. That is why one scout has been a tender foot for three years now and SPL got him to second class. SM is not pleased SPL cannot get said scout to first class's. Said scout won't even give SPL respect by returning phone calls or emails.

 

SM holds on to all blue cards until the scout eagle's and THEN, if he can find them gives them to the scout. Because my son had most of his merit badges done before this troop, SM only lost 3 eagle blue cards and two others on him. Instead of waiting, son went back to MBC to get another blue card signed. This troop is high maintenance to say the least. Ughhhhhh.

Edited July 21, 2016 by zuzy