Getting rid of parents

[Stosh]

I had an agreement with my CC in my previous troop.  He was the former SM so he knew the routine.  He had to step down for personal reasons, but agreed to stay on with the troop as CC.  Our agreement was he deals with the adults, I, as SM,  deal with the boys.  Eventually he had to even back out of the CC position.  He did great for three years.  Within a month after he left, the parents swept in and had me removed and took the troop back to adult led.  The Eagle scout ASM with 4 boys in the troop took over as SM.  Even he didn't last very long.  I saw the troop at the local pool a couple of years after that when they were doing theri swim test and T-FC swimming requirements.  The female SM was walking up and down the side of the pool with a clip-board and pen marking off the achievements of the boys and qualifying them for their swim test.   The former SM was playing with his daughter in the shallow end of the pool.  Didn't look like he was there other than as a parent.

 

Never underestimate the damage a handful of determined parents can do in a troop.

[Krampus]

Never underestimate the damage a handful of determined parents can do in a troop.

 

We are very clear with parents when they are looking at our unit for their boys. If they are looking for a helicopter re-fueling pad we're the wrong troop for them. Ever since we adopted this approach we have seen zero families join our unit only to leave because we were too scout led.

 

Set the expectation early and you can avoid problems down the road. However, but in for this approach took YEARS for us to develop.

[Cambridgeskip]

Give a boy a fish..... Teach a boy to fish.....

 

It works as long as one doesn't mess with it!

 

Sometimes I wonder who needs more teaching, the boys or the parents......

Is it that surprising?

 

I don't have children of my own (yet), when I hopefully do and they are old enough to start deciding what extra curricular stuff they do there will be things I will know something about (scouting, football) but there will be others where I will be clueless. Music for example. I am one of the least musical people I know. Should my child join a band or an orchestra I will need to be guided every step of the way in terms of what they need to do and what the orchestra or the like need from me and what they specifically don't want me to do. I don't see that scouting is any different. If a kid signs up and their parents have never done it before then yes, they will need pointing in the right direction.

 

Remember, it's only easy if you know the answer!

[perdidochas]

Give a boy a fish..... Teach a boy to fish.....

 

It works as long as one doesn't mess with it!

 

Sometimes I wonder who needs more teaching, the boys or the parents......

 

Pretty much equal. A lot of the boys are very used to the parents doing everything for them--they not only need to be taught the Scout skills, but work ethic.  I can recall when my sons were Cub Scouts, they were stuck helping Dad set up/break down camp, while their peers were playing. Yes, at age 6 and 7, they weren't much help, but by the time they were Webelos, I could set up/break camp faster than most of the other parents--I had help.  Would it have been easier when they were 6 and 7 to do it all myself--of course, but my goal wasn't ease at that time--my goal was their futures.   

[Stosh]

I don't know if it was my area of the country, my generation or just my parents, but I never had to ask permission to join anything or to quit anything.  I had free rein to try out whatever I wanted.  If it cost money I sometimes got a bit of help.  Music for example, my parents bought the saxophone for me.  I had to buy all the reeds, books, etc. myself, I started in junior high and played all the way through college and minored in music.  Did a few years of part-time professional as well.  Went hunting with my Dad, got my first .22 for my 12th birthday, was in Rifle Club in high school and got my freezer filled with venison, rabbit and squirrel last fall.  Started camping back in the early 1950's, was in Scouts, still do Scouts and although my parents never hovered, I do a little hovering over my grandkids when we go camping today. 

 

Some of these I chose, some my parents chose, but when I was forced to go camping, I guess I really didn't mind.

 

When hiking with my 2 year old granddaughter and daughter last weekend.  My granddaughter picked up a stick and was using it to hit at bushes.  My daughter started to say something and all I said, "It's my stick, my hiking trail, my bushes and my granddaughter."    My daughter didn't say a word but after I picked up a stick too, she did as well.  Sticks on a hike are fun.

[qwazse]

Small town life:

 

Thing about being the beer distributor's kid (and -- as part of his master plan, I now realized -- having worked there at age 11 over the summer): you couldn't go anywhere without someone telling your dad they saw you. If you didn't have tacit approval to be anywhere, it would come back to bite you by end of business that day. If for some childish reason, you wanted to fly under the radar, the best strategy was to hang out with friends of tea tot'lers. Their folks were less likely to have ever seen you before.

[desertrat77]

@@Cambridgeskip, would you happen to have a spare RSM about?   They are very effective communicators.  

[Cambridgeskip]

@@Cambridgeskip, would you happen to have a spare RSM about?   They are very effective communicators.  

 Funny you should say that, and entirely off topic but thinking of RSMs..... funniest thing that I think ever happened to me as a scout.

 

So back in the day I got my Queen's Scout Award, the equivalent of your Eagle. When you get it one thing that happens is that you are invited to take part in St George's Day Parade at Windsor Castle. It's a fantastic day and part of it involves being taught to march, to a fashion, and doing the teaching is whichever guards regiment from the army (ie the ones wearing the red tunics and bear skin hats) that happens to be doing the ceremonial duties at the castle at the time, each section gets a volunteer. Some people get an 18 year old fresh out basic training. Some people got an officer. I got the RSM of the Irish Guards himself. Quite simply the scariest man I have ever met. He was built like the proverbial brick out house and when some off duty soldiers decided to have a bit of a laugh at our expense out the barracks window he only had to glance at them and they ran away. His dress was immaculate. You could have cut your finger on the crease down his trousers and combed your hair looking into his shoes.

 

Anyway, he started to get us marching and I was frankly useless at marching (see above about music, I have no sense of timing or rhythm at all), particularly at marking time on the spot. He called me to the front and invited me to tell him my name. I told him at which point he informed me, in the loudest voice I've ever heard "I did not ask for your ****ing first name. Now what's your name?" I told him my second name. At which point in a much quieter voice he informed me that I marched like a Thunderbird! At which point 20 other fellow Queens Scouts (including me) nearly suffocated laughing.

 

Fantastic day that I'll always remember.

Edited April 27, 2016 by Cambridgeskip

[desertrat77]

@@Cambridgeskip, thank you for sharing, it truly made my day!

[Krampus]

An interesting take on developing a boy lead unit.

 

http://scoutingmagazine.org/2014/12/help-youth-leaders-build-scout-led-troop/

[King Ding Dong]

IIRC Kudo would only camp 3 miles or so from the parking lot.

[Tampa Turtle]

Why would one want to "sign up" an interfering parent into the adult leadership of the troop?  That's like inviting the fox in to watch the hen house.  If they call your bluff, you're opening the door for more hassle rather than avoiding it.

 

Why not just explain up front the purpose of scouting and how this troop will be run and then let the parents decide whether they want their boy involved in it or not.  If not, do whatever is necessary to help get the boy involved in an adult-led troop that the parents can sign up for it too and be big people scouts so they can bond with their boys.

 

I can't imagine I'm the only one that can't see that as a potential problem.  I have only one ASM.  There's a reason for that.  The other adults "hanging around" are the committee members that are 100% in the know of what's going on with the boy-led thing and are on board with it.  If they come on an activity, they are fully oriented to how things work.  The only cutesy phrase necessary to keep the adult involvement in check is, "With all due respect...." said by the PL in charge which they are allowed to say any time they feel their leadership is threatened or challenged.  The patrol is his "turf" and he is expected to defend it from adult interference.  They all know the SM will back them on the issues.

Good point. We have done that and 3 times out of 4 they go away and that is the last campout, The 4th guy gets the brown shirt and causes trouble until they get properly trained. One wise scout master I knew planned some adult committee planning discussions for the campouts to distract us adults from meddling too much. We actually got some good brain storming going and eventually brought some youth leadership in and had a productive pow wow.