Parents!

[qwazse]

Things that I've seen merit an SM's hour of undivided attention:

• Boy's been suspended from school (again) and mom's afraid his attitude will rub off on the scouts.
• Kid barely speaks English can't learn it -- or so the school said -- and now he's marching off into the wilderness with you.
• Parents recently divorced and haven't figured out how to get on the same page raising their scout.
• Adoptive mom is dying and adoptive dad isn't sure he can keep it together to bring up junior.
• Kid's ADHD med regimen is kinda complicated.
• Kid want's First Class, but can't swim ... no, really ... doctor figures he'd probably die trying.
• Money's tight, scout is working two jobs, needs to support the folks and isn't sure he can finish his monthly payments for the next adventure.
• Kid's a hero and that medal of honor paperwork is a pain.

Now, I buy the notion that it if you do invest time in some people, you may reap benefits in them being able to carry some type of load like the one's above for you. But usually the investment isn't around accelerating junior's advancement.

[David CO]

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

[blw2]

God help any parent that wants to talk with me about Scouting for an hour. I'm in college, I have the spare time, and I love to talk Scouting...

I'm not in college and I don't have tons of time.... but I've caught myself going on far too long with folks about scouting, mostly my friends who are scouters in the pack.....  Some of us have passion about it, and some not so much..... I'm probably the longest winded about scouting of the scouters I know....

 

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

I can't speak for the others.... but when i suggested limiting the meeting.... if 15 minutes or whatever..... it's not to say that I wouldn't end up talking with them for longer either at that time, or as a follow-up on a later date.... if it was warranted...

I just feel that we as volunteers need to value our time.... and if we don't they sure won't.  By my thinking, and initial shorter meeting  might help to cut through the "fluff" and cut to the chase...

[desertrat77]

I can't speak for the others.... but when i suggested limiting the meeting.... if 15 minutes or whatever..... it's not to say that I wouldn't end up talking with them for longer either at that time, or as a follow-up on a later date.... if it was warranted...

I just feel that we as volunteers need to value our time.... and if we don't they sure won't.  By my thinking, and initial shorter meeting  might help to cut through the "fluff" and cut to the chase...

Well said.

[desertrat77]

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

David, I have no doubt your leadership method works well.   But we aren't all wired that way.   We each have our own style.  

 

The parental dynamics of each unit is different as well.   Your parents seem to be friendly and close knit.  When I was a SM, the parents were all over the map.   A few were cooperative.   Many uncommitted.  Several flat-out hateful.   

 

There is a difference between this forum and a troop.   We're here to share ideas and vent, as leaders or parents or both.   Information sharing.   At the unit level, it's about the scout progressing and growing.   My personal belief is that Johnny Scout will not get the full scouting experience if the SM and his parents have an air-tight safety net underneath him, and attend to his every need.   I may be wrong, but that's how I came up, and how I conducted business as an adult scouter.  

 

Long before the internet, the adult scouters in my troop would repair to the desert for a weekend, about once every two months.   Just the adults, no scouts, not an official BSA event.   We'd eat giant steaks cooked over mesquite coals, drink beer, and smoke cigars around the campfire.   Maybe we'd talk about scouting, maybe we wouldn't.   It was an opportunity to relax and reflect.   This forum is the next best thing.

Edited September 11, 2015 by desertrat77

[Stosh]

I don't spend all my time on the internet forum.  Just 2 hours ago I was up in my back 40 cutting brush putting in a campsite for the Mrs. and Me.  I have 9 acres. 8 of them woodland hunting ground on a south facing slope.  Great deer hunting and when I camp in my "backyard" it is far more primitive than any KOA, State Park or backpack back country.    That's where I go to get away from life and let the tensions out.... and that includes the internet too.  My router doesn't reach that far thankfully.  

[SeattlePioneer]

So we're going to find out what happened, right?

[Stosh]

So we're going to find out what happened, right?

 

I have a neighbor Alice Kravitz that would like to know as well.  

[desertrat77]

So we're going to find out what happened, right?

Seattle, LOL!

 

I hope the OP will return.  

[Twocubdad]

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

Ummm, probably not a good way to win friends and influence people.

1. In my years here on these forums, I've learned far  more about real Scouting than in all the BSA courses I've taken or taught.  And I can honestly say I've taken every Cub Scout or Boy Scout course offered and taught the majority of them.  This is my roundtable.  I enjoy it because, unlike official district roundtables, there is an open exchange of ideas not just a recitation of the company line.
2. What d-rat said.
3. I'm self-employed so not only is my time my own but so is my office. If I bop in or out a couple times a day I may check email, look at Facebook and check the forums here, it's my nickel. That is as likely to happen at 1:00 am as 1:00 pm.
4. What I do with my time is no one's bloody business.

And I disagree with the comparison to a conference with a teacher.  Teachers are not volunteers (close to it, but technically not volunteers.)  Every conference I've ever had with anyone from my sons' schools have been immediately following dismissal or during the teacher's open period during the day.  And I understand meeting with me after school may mean the teacher had to grade papers on his/her own time.  But still....  This request would be more akin to requesting a teacher's conference on a Sunday afternoon or at 9:30 at night, following the school band concert.  I wouldn't dream of even asking.

 

 

But back to the OP;

 

Mom in this case is clueless.  Possibly she's setting up the SM (not likely) but more likely she's just clueless that a there are better channels for a couple simple questions on her son's advancement AND/OR clueless as to the inappropriateness and discourtesy of her request.

 

I would definitely meet with her.  I'll talk Scouting with anyone who will listen (and you can make that item #5 on the above list.)  It's clear she needs a better understand of how the program works and for that reason alone, I'll meet with her.  The meeting will be my opportunity for a little egimacation. 

 

But I will limit my exposure.  First, I would send an additional email pressing for more information on her questions.  More than likely they are going to be basic questions which can be answered to her satisfaction via email. (And then I can spend my entire face-to-face with her discussing program.)  Or if she wants to know why PL Tommy or ASM Smith didn't sign off on a requirement, I need to talk to them before we meet.   If it really seems like an hour-long topic, I may suggest a cup of coffee sometime other than troop meeting night. Or if it's something dicey, I may need to pull in a second adult, my CC or COR.    But if I'm unconvinced of her motives or feel she's wasting my time, I'll schedule our meeting a half-hour BEFORE the troop meeting and leave myself an escape hatch.

 

Something I will add is our troop does to avoid this all together is a fairly extensive parent training prior to crossover.  Actually we do it twice, once on the Webelos campout in November and again on consecutive troop meeting nights following crossover.   If they attend, we rarely have parents who don't understand the program.  It's not uncommon to have one who doesn't buy in to the it, but that's another matter.  But if this is a situation of a parent asking dumb questions because the wouldn't attend our orientation sessions, THAT'S wasting my time.

Edited September 11, 2015 by Twocubdad

[meschen]

E-mail from mother of 1st year Scout (paraphrased): "I want to meet with you for an hour after the next Troop meeting to discuss my son's advancement."

 

My response (also paraphrased): "Scouts should discuss advancement directly with either myself or one of our ASM's at any Troop meeting. This is the BSA's policy, not just mine, and is an opportunity for them to grow."

 

Response from parent: "That's fine. I still want to talk to you about some requirements that are not signed-off in his hand book."

 

*sigh*

 

OP here. Just an update to all. I had about 7 or 8 Scoutmaster conferences at last night's Troop meeting, including one extended 30 minute conference for a Scout who was finishing his Life rank, so I had one of our ASM's discuss advancement with mom during the Troop meeting - our ASM explained to her again who was responsible for what. I was only a little suprised when five minutes later mom had her son's handbook in hand and was having a conversation with one of our younger patrol leaders, while her son was kind of in the area. I was in the middle of a conference so I sent the ASM back into the fray, and explained once again that her son should be the one to have those conversations. I used the oppurtunity at the end of the meeting for a Scoutmaster's minute to explain to everyone who is responsible for advancement (the Scouts) and reminding the Scouts that they can come to their SPL, ASM or me if they have any questions, are confused about what to do next, or need something signed off. I'd also have included their PL, but since this was pretty much addressed to the first years, their PL (also a first year) wouldn't be the best resource.

 

I'm glad I had the opportunity to vent my ! here, so I could continue to be freindly and courtious to those I work with in Scouts on a daily basis.

 

YIS

[Twocubdad]

Ya done good.

[desertrat77]

 

I'm glad I had the opportunity to vent my ! here, so I could continue to be freindly and courtious to those I work with in Scouts on a daily basis.

I'm happy things worked out.   Also happy that you came here to vent.   As you said, better here than a troop meeting.   That's the benefit of the forum.  Hope to see you around in the future.

[Krampus]

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

 

I don't think anyone is saying they don't have time for a parent of a scout. I think most people are saying that they would like to know up front what the issues are so that they can appropriately allocate their time. Being realistic, if you have a troop of 40 scouts, one hour per scout could be a full time job.

 

Respect goes both ways. Parents need to be mindful of the scouter's time. Scouters need to be respectful of the request to meet. The sharing of information and positions (before such a meeting) will help speed things along....or might negate the need for a meeting altogether.

[Eagle94-A1]

It amazes me how some people who have the time to write thousands of posts to perfect strangers on an anonymous web site will complain that they have no time for the parent of one of their scouts.

 

There could be a variety of factors as to why this is frustrating for a leader, and they do not want to deal with it. This could be the parent who the only time you see them is to drop off their son and pick him up. No attending COHs, no showing up to important parent meetings, no involvement whatsoever. But when Tommy Tenderfoot isn't advancing, then she's ticked off and blaming the leaders.

 

This could be the parent whom you've explained how things go multiple times, but it goes in one ear and out the other.But when Tommy Tenderfoot isn't advancing, then she's ticked off and blaming the leaders.

 

This could be the parent whom you have attempted to contact on multiple occasions, but they never return your calls, emails, or IMs.But when Tommy Tenderfoot isn't advancing, then she's ticked off and blaming the leaders.

 

Long before the internet, the adult scouters in my troop would repair to the desert for a weekend, about once every two months.   Just the adults, no scouts, not an official BSA event.   We'd eat giant steaks cooked over mesquite coals, drink beer, and smoke cigars around the campfire.   Maybe we'd talk about scouting, maybe we wouldn't.   It was an opportunity to relax and reflect.   This forum is the next best thing.

 

This is an awesome way to unwind.