1 girl not getting along with Troop

[J Unkya]

I co-lead a small troop of 5 girls.  We started out with 6 girls last year but 1 girl moved out of the state.  All the girls get along incredibly well (including the one who moved) except for 1:  Annie.  We hear complaints about Annie being "annoying" and wanting to play only her games instead of what others want to play.  The other co-leader had a close relationship with that girl's mom initially and was shuttling Annie all over the place until CL's daughter got tired of being with Annie all the time and having Annie copy everything CL's daughter did.  I'm also not crazy about the girl or mom who requires extra efforts.  They constantly turn things late so I need to chase them down to get their required docs.  The mom constantly wants to change the meeting time to suit their needs and does not really help out even when she actually signed up to do it etc.  The girl will argue with me or other adults over little things (like getting ice creams or extra pizzas).  We suspect the problem may be linked to her being the only child and constantly surrounded by adults who cater to her.

 

The other CL has spoken to Annie's mom about personality conflicts between their girls.  Annie's mom swears no one has ever approached her about any problems with Annie.  So, the other CL is ready to give them a time limit to shape up or leave--that CL even offered to leave herself but no one in the troop is happy with that proposal.  I also don't want the troop to seem cliquey and kick Annie out.  We are thinking of having a moms' meeting to discuss logistics including the personality conflict.  I have asked that we do not to set a time limit yet.  Annie's mom is good friends with the CL of another, much larger troop.  I am hoping to see if there is room for 1 more or for a merger, but so far that other troop has not wanted to add any more members. 

 

Any thought is greatly appreciated.

    

[qwazse]

Welcome! And thanks for your service to our future venturers (hopefully)!

 

My co-advisor had a very similar situation with her GS-Troop. The girl was also in my crew. Charming at first, but her attitude grew toxic. So much so that her best friend was being dragged into the drama as well. In venturing, that behavior rarely succeeds because the youth do all of the work and, because of the tasks that older youth take on, a character like that "hits the wall" fairly quickly (roughly when everyone starts talking about prepping for two days in bear county). So, this girl eventually contented herself with only being a pest in her troop. It came to a head on what should have been an otherwise beautiful day at the beach, when she was being surly and trying to get the rest of the girls - or at least her buddy - to mutiny. A grandma (bless her soul) who was there to chaperon finally called her on it and suggested in no uncertain terms that if she wants to make the world a worst place she can do it on her own time!

 

So, now's the chance to correct things.

 

Sometimes scouting is the only place such behaviors occur. So, don't be surprised at the mom's comment. Do not hesitate to give the "shape up or ship out" talk. There are acceptable behaviors that bring joy and flourishing. Make clear in no uncertain terms that your troop will regard those behaviors highly. Everything else is unwelcome.

 

Do not even suggest this girl go to another troop. If she leaves she can waste her own mental energy figuring out whom she will pester. If she shapes up, you might just have yourself a natural leader in a few years.

 

P.S. - I have noticed that girls can be unforgiving when a kid does try to turn things around. So, assuming your prodigal pulls it together, you'll have to teach everyone else a whole other set of lessons!