Parent Raging At A Scout

[Stosh]

Stosh -- over the years you've written here a hundred times the SM handles the Scouts, the CC handles the adults.  What's changed?

 

I like Old Stosh's approach.  This is an adult problem to be dealt with by the CC.  The CC needs backup and the COR is as good as any.  Between the two of them, the have as much authority as they need to deal with the situation.  A stranger wanders into a troop meeting off the street and we don't have authority to deal with it?  Of course we do. That this mom isn't registered makes no difference.

 

And don't buy the "open to all parents" argument, either.  I've been down that road.  We had a father causing problems for the troop.  We talked with him multiple times, asked him to back off, suggested he find another outlet for his volunteer time, then told him flat out he was no longer welcome.  He pulls out his BSA Lawyer license and trots out the "open to all parents" rule.  Fine.  We dismissed him and his son.  The COR can play that card.  Hated to do it, the kid was a good Scout.  But the parent wouldn't agree to the conditions the troop set, so.....

 

I never said it was a SM problem.  I just don't think the CC and COR have any authority to deal with this non-registered mother without going after the ASM dad and Scout son.  I really don't see any justice in dismissing the dad and son because the mother's a jerk.  

 

I really don't think there's much the anyone can do about it without collateral damage to the dad and son.

 

The only thing I can think of is the parents of the scout harangued getting a restraining order for her to keep away from their son.  That way it keeps BSA out of the picture but has no effect on ASM dad or scout son. 

[Twocubdad]

Okay, I don't necessarily disagree with that.  But I would say any collateral damage is on the head of the mom.  If she agrees to stay away from the troop for six months (or whatever the troop asks), there is no impact on the ASM father or son. 

[StillLoomans]

I feel for the scout, I feel for the dad. Imagine living with this all the time. 

 

I agree that it is reasonable to ask the mother to not attend scout events for a while. I also agree that doing so will likely result in the loss of the scout and his dad. It's a shame, but every scout has the right to feel safe at scouting events and this should be a primary goal for every leader. I do think that the troop leaders have the authority to make this condition, it is basically a YPT situation and not to be repeated.

 

Our troop had a similar situation except the parent was also an ASM. He was not allowed to attend troop meetings after he blew up at two scouts, brothers. He was allowed to attend COHs, no uniform, but could not talk to any scout but his own. The family didn't last, but they did stick around until the wife was given a firm deadline to pay back the unauthorized loan she gave herself and her sons for summer camp. 

[eagle77]

I guess any leniency given the boy is due to a long custody situation that just had a dramatic ruling. Again, no major act on his part, just generalized grumpiness and an uncooperative nature. But it seems all the boys know he has "stuff going on at home."

 

I was away one night for an OA event but parent has approached me that it was "parent ice cream night" - geeze - Mom had a run in with the boy over her precious snowflake. Not nearly on this scale but she (reportedly) was unfair and inappropriate then too. Had it been mentioned sooner, her butt wouldn't have been near camp. She was waiting to snap on him.

 

  Have any of you guys read what is here? This poor kid is having his whole world come in on him. We all know how great parents are when it comes to divorce and custody battles.You could have most likely taken him to Disney World and he still would have not enjoyed it. It looks like it was known througout the troop too. Now along comes this other boys mom, who already has him in the cross hairs ready to finish him off.

 

  Yeah I feel bad about the son and dad, but not as much as I do the actual victim. He most likely needs some serious help and more then anything understanding on how to deal with the world that seems to be falling apart around him. Talk about somebody who could really use scouting now. All everyone seems concerned with though is the poor son and dad. Geez!

[packsaddle]

I'm wondering why Bloop didn't give us a more balanced view of the situation at the outset.

[Stosh]

  Have any of you guys read what is here? This poor kid is having his whole world come in on him. We all know how great parents are when it comes to divorce and custody battles.You could have most likely taken him to Disney World and he still would have not enjoyed it. It looks like it was known througout the troop too. Now along comes this other boys mom, who already has him in the cross hairs ready to finish him off.

 

  Yeah I feel bad about the son and dad, but not as much as I do the actual victim. He most likely needs some serious help and more then anything understanding on how to deal with the world that seems to be falling apart around him. Talk about somebody who could really use scouting now. All everyone seems concerned with though is the poor son and dad. Geez!

 

I don't think for one minute that everyone on the forum is not sympathetic to the victim.  Yes, the last thing this kid needs is some stupid adult taking him to the cleaners.  I think the only argument among the forum members is which tree to hang the woman out to dry on and out unfortunate it might be for the dad and son who were not part of the problem but have become so.

 

People like this woman do not realize that in the midst of their petty stupidity, they think they are accomplishing great things when in fact they are destroying some every important dynamics of her husband and son's life.  There are three victims in this situation and the woman isn't one of them.

[scoutldr]

Anyone else view this as a YP violation that needs to be discussed with the SE?  I would also make sure that the boy's parents know what happened and let them consider their options.  In some jurisdictions, this would be considered child abuse.

[SeattlePioneer]

In my opinion,  the biggest challenge of Scout Camp is the simple act of getting along with other people for a solid week.  That often is a challenge.

 

I would say it was a challenge for the boy who was chronically misbehaving,  and it was a challenge for the parent who lost control on the last day.

 

 

In my opinion,  the SM was delinquent by not dealing with the Scout earlier in the week.

 

The parent ran out of patience on the last day of camp.  I don't find that too surprising,  although it's not acceptable behavior.

 

The CC or Scoutmaster can have a conversation with the parent about how to deal with such issues.  Personally,  I wouldn't prevent them from going on Scout outings unkless the behavior were repeated.

 

I haven't had that kind of melt down  ----not yet,  anyway. 

 

Keep in mind that this was at the end of a stressful week of summer camp.

[eagle77]

In my opinion,  the biggest challenge of Scout Camp is the simple act of getting along with other people for a solid week.  That often is a challenge.

 

- Never found it challenging to get along with the people within my own troop. Now other troops in camp is a different ballgame sometimes.

 

I would say it was a challenge for the boy who was chronically misbehaving,  and it was a challenge for the parent who lost control on the last day.

 

- Definetaly I think this was a major problem.

 

 

In my opinion,  the SM was delinquent by not dealing with the Scout earlier in the week.

 

- Big time - poor adult leadership as far as this was concerned.

 

The parent ran out of patience on the last day of camp.  I don't find that too surprising,  although it's not acceptable behavior.

 

- I may be wrong here but I read that the mother had just gotten there at camp for family night.

 

The CC or Scoutmaster can have a conversation with the parent about how to deal with such issues.  Personally,  I wouldn't prevent them from going on Scout outings unkless the behavior were repeated.

 

- I disagree with you here, CC or SM need to discuss with her why what she did will keep her from attending activities. NO WAY would I even give her a chance to possibly repeat it. More importantly SM needs to have a good talk with the other boys parents and see how the troop can help their son deal with the on going chaqnges at home.

 

I haven't had that kind of melt down  ----not yet,  anyway. 

 

Keep in mind that this was at the end of a stressful week of summer camp.

 

- You are not the only one I have heard this remark from. What is so stressful? Rushing the boys to get as many MBs done as possible, sit down at the table and spend your free time writing instead of exploring and hiking? Maybe your right, but I think the better answer is to go back to what summer camp was a little advancement (not school type badges) and whole lot of fun. No stress there. One summer work was really slow and before they made layoffs they asked for volunteers, I jumped at that and wound up spend 3 weeks with 3 different troops at their summer camps. WHAT A BLAST.

[Rick_in_CA]

 

Keep in mind that this was at the end of a stressful week of summer camp.

 

- You are not the only one I have heard this remark from. What is so stressful? Rushing the boys to get as many MBs done as possible, sit down at the table and spend your free time writing instead of exploring and hiking? Maybe your right, but I think the better answer is to go back to what summer camp was a little advancement (not school type badges) and whole lot of fun. No stress there. One summer work was really slow and before they made layoffs they asked for volunteers, I jumped at that and wound up spend 3 weeks with 3 different troops at their summer camps. WHAT A BLAST.

 

I agree, I'm not sure what is so stressful about summer camp. When I was a scout, summer camp was simply fun! Take a merit badge class or two, wander over to the rifle range or archery range when we feel like it. Drop by the swimming hole for a dip. Meet up with some friends and go for a hike. Take a nap if you are tired. If you want some quite time, climb up the hill, sit on a log or stump and read a book for a bit. If you loose track of time and miss lunch, so be it. Dinner is in a few hours. Where is the stress?

 

If camp is stressful, something is going wrong.

[Stosh]

I'm with @@Rick_in_CA on this issue.  I took a nap every afternoon at summer camp and my ASM got an entire book read.  The rest of the time the 4 leaders (two troops together) played dominoes.  Except for the problem with the staff and camp director, we had a nice quiet week.

[eagle77]

I agree, I'm not sure what is so stressful about summer camp. When I was a scout, summer camp was simply fun! Take a merit badge class or two, wander over to the rifle range or archery range when we feel like it. Drop by the swimming hole for a dip. Meet up with some friends and go for a hike. Take a nap if you are tired. If you want some quite time, climb up the hill, sit on a log or stump and read a book for a bit. If you loose track of time and miss lunch, so be it. Dinner is in a few hours. Where is the stress?

 

If camp is stressful, something is going wrong.

 

 I remember going in my tent to lay down for a little bit. Looked right out the back and there was a spider that just started building his web, before i knew it almost two hours had gone by and he was just finishing off what he had worked so hard at building. It was fantastic!!  

[eagle77]

I'm with @@Rick_in_CA on this issue.  I took a nap every afternoon at summer camp and my ASM got an entire book read.  The rest of the time the 4 leaders (two troops together) played dominoes.  Except for the problem with the staff and camp director, we had a nice quiet week.

 

 I agree with you. Only thing of any stress that I've had to expierence were from outside my gtroup not within it.

[fred johnson]

I've seen some things like this.  IMHO, it's the adult leaders job to quickly step in to protect our scouts from adult behavior.  Sometimes the situations are not fixable.  This sounds like the one where the mom and her family need to look for another troop.  But I'd have to be there and know the situation.

[Bloop]

Other than sleep depravation, hello up at 5 for something or another, camp shouldn't be stressful at all. And yeah, Momma Bear hadn't stayed at camp. She just arrived family night and had been up for "ice cream night."

 

Eagle77, I don't blame anyone for not being sensitive to Grumpysaurus' needs because nobody has a crystal ball. Sensitivity is what adults that KNOW and care about him are for. And we were correcting, sitting out with and guiding him all along.

 

She may not have known his situation any more than the good folk here. But all the more reason to leave discipline to the SM & ASMs that do know him.

 

I really tried to be as objective as possible and tried to see/present him from her (limited) perspective. But honestly, I'm just getting more disgusted. No child deserves her attack and completely innocent boys suffered to witness it as adults were as impotent to stop her as they were.

 

 

 

As luck would have it Scout1 was out for our meeting this and next week. Mom and her Scout2 were out doing a scout related thing.

 

Committee decided that we need to pull aside Mom & DadASM w/ a couple neutral (not there) Committee members. Almost a "lets see what she does." We want to see some contrition and willingness for a time out for her. The Eddie Haskel acts of her own "perfect" snowflake may be a part of the convo. Expecting a HUGE blow up and exodus that takes out all 3, but hoping for better.

 

We will have a Scout1 and parent convo. I expect some angsty "everybody picks on me" defensiveness. But getting him to own up to his flaws seems way more likely than getting her to do so.

 

Apologies warranted all around. It started pretty well tonight with the SM & ASMs. And the Senior Patrol. Then everyone was appoligizing for everything ever.

 

Pheonix Rising. Fingers crossed.

Edited July 15, 2015 by Bloop