Parent Raging At A Scout

[Bloop]

We had a parent that came to camp on the last day flip out on one of our Scouts.

 

This Scout HAD been a pill all week. He would pout, refuse to do things and was snappish. No one big thing but grumpy enough to give himself stinkface in a mirror.

 

Then, he said to a kid "Out of my chair". A Mom told him to "Shut up and stop being such an asshole". Then she cotinued telling him what a "rude smart ass" he was over and over. Followed him to his tent (ignoring people trying to stop her) to yell at him some more and to hear if he dared grumble (he did). Then her husband got up in it. It took some crazed yelling at her to FINALLY get her to stop.

 

She's always been an excellent volunteer that is never given us any trouble. But as Commitee, I think we're obligated to ban her from trips.

 

I feel so badly for her son. Obviously he must have "tattled" about the boy to his mom but who could have anticipated THIS? The boy is not responsible for his mother's behavior but he sure is catching the embarrassment. His family threatened to quit the troop because "we tolerate rude behavior from boys and attack adults who put their foot down." He's a great (young) scout on his way to Eagle.

 

We haven't sent any communication to parents to address any of this. but we had a whole troop of mesmerized Scouts watching all this.

 

I don't know if I even have a question in all of this. We're having a committee meeting right before our regular meeting this week. Any guidance is welcome.

Edited July 13, 2015 by Bloop

[eagle77]

 First off she needs to be shown the door ASAP.  Next I would be way more worried about many of the other parents getting wind of this and pulling their sons out. The fact that she holds some position in the troop may send the message to others that this is how ALL leaders handle things. I've watched well established troops go right down the toilet for issues just like this. You need to meet with all the parents and come up with some way to smooth this over and reasure them that this is not the type of behavior that the adults of the troop support. I understand your concern for her son but right now I would be even more worried about the survival of the troop.

[Bloop]

She doesn't hold a position. Just helps out with photos, shopping for an event, that sort of thing. Her hubby is an ASM but pretty background.

 

But yeah. Major damage control is needed.

[Scouter99]

edit: In light of your clarification that she's not registered, then this is very much more simple.  Just tell her to stay away for X amount of time, or forever.

 

I agree with @@eagle77 that you have to get out front of this (too late, the kids all told their parents their versions already) but I don't think you need to call a meeting of the entire troop's families to do that.  The way you communicate to them that this was unacceptable to the troop leadership and won't happen again is by showing them. 

A gigantic meeting is grandstanding and unnecessary, and will become a circus when half the parents that show up are actually on Grizzly Mama's side.  It's just ill advised.

 

If this actually is the first time there has been an issue, put her on a very long suspension; 6 months or more.  Her membership will lapse in the meantime, and if she doesn't improve, then you don't have to accept her application later.

Key 3 then have to sit down with her and explain that being a rude asshole to the Scout wasn't the solution to his being a rude asshole to everyone else, that you appreciate what she's done in the past, and that if she cares about the troop as a whole she will understand that she has to take X amount of time off.  No camping, no hanging around during the meetings.

 

If the committee feels it's necessary, send a latter or an email that explains that the troop leadership doesn't condone what happened and that the adult in question has been suspended for X amount of time.

 

Or if you just don't need her that much, kick her right out.

Edited July 13, 2015 by Scouter99

[packsaddle]

I've seen them push buttons so very effectively. And nearly every adult, under the right (wrong?) circumstances can 'lose it' in one of those situations.

It's one thing to snap at the kid in public. It's another to lose it so badly that they pay no attention to an attempt to intervene, worse to follow the kid to his tent. He completely took her power, that one did.

So....now that some little time has passed, what is her demeanor and thoughts on this incident? How is it that she thinks she is under "attack"? Will she be at the committee meeting? Has anyone tried to discuss the incident with her? How about the parents of the boy, have they said anything? Does this mom understand that the incident cannot just 'go away' without some response? Or did she know what she was doing and had decided that this would be a great way to 'go out' in a 'blaze of glory' that no one would ever forget?

Any chance there's some static on Facebook about this? You can bet the 'grapevine' is working full time.

[RememberSchiff]

She doesn't hold a position. Just helps out with photos, shopping for an event, that sort of thing. Her hubby is an ASM but pretty background.

 

But yeah. Major damage control is needed.

 

Why was she an "adult" at camp? Did she have YP training?

[Bloop]

We were minutes away from having a family dinner followed by closing campfire. She was specifically encouraged to attend because her son was getting tapped out. But all parents were invited.

 

I think she had YPT for her Cub.

Edited July 13, 2015 by Bloop

[Stosh]

Sorry, but there is no excuse for this kind of behavior.  It looks like this troop lost a good scout, a passable ASM and a raunchy  mouthed mom.  Chances are mom will come to her senses, the dad and son will continue with the troop and mom will simply stay home.  I doubt whether that would happen, but it's a possibility.  Mom would need some self control and maturity to pull that off and from the sounds of it, it ain't in the cards.  

[eagle77]

 Packsaddle had some good questions. Here are a couple more. How many other parents were in the site to see this? Was she loud enough that neighboring sites heard and came by to see what was going on? I do like the one question pack had, what are the boys parents saying comcerning this?

[Stosh]

Does one need all the details of an adult bullying a scout into his tent?  It happened, 'nuff said.  So what if the boy deserved it for his actions at camp, being an adult means staying at an adult level to deal with the issue and only if it's your responsibility to do so.

[SSScout]

Let me understand this.

Scout1 was a grumpy grouch all week. Somehow S1 got to Scout2, telling him to "get out of MY chair!" in front of S2's mom.   S2M then got deep into S1's face about his rude behavior to S2, and others. .  S2's dad had to vigorously intercede to stop S2M from further violence, verbal or worse.  All this occurred in full view of the rest of the Troop, Scouts and adults present.  Do I have that all correct?

And S2 was to be Tapped for OA, and is a "great Scout" "on his way to Eagle". 

Certainly, such behavior is never warranted, either between adults or adult to child.  On face, this sounds like S2M has more of a problem than this one episode. Any approach to S2M and S2Dad needs to be  carefully considered, factual and measured.  It should be done in committee, in private, away from the Troop.  It should be made clear that such behavior is not Scoutlike and unworthy of   Scout parent.  "But what about S1?"  Not the issue.  He was also unscoutlike in his behavior, but he has an excuse, he is a child, and still learning how to be a responsible citizen, led by the Scout Promise and Law, yes?

Perhaps some time away from the Troop may be appropriate for S2M, but S2 is still certainly welcome to Scout along with the rest of the Troop.   "But what about S1?"   S1 is not your problem. YOU are your problem.  S1 will be counseled as necessary and appropriate for him. 

 

Good luck to you all....

[Stosh]

Hardly a day goes buy that I would love to wring the neck of some scout who's pushing some envelop or someone's buttons on purpose.  It's part of the job to recognize this.  And yet how many times have I not told everyone that there should be 300' between the scouts and the adults.  This is because by the time the adult walks over to the patrol area, they have had time to cool off and think of a proper way of handling the situation other than wringing necks.

 

It is also important to note that if one scout is hassling another scout, where's the PL and possibly the SPL in this unit?  If this was a boy-led, patrol-method 300' troop, none of this would have ever happened.  Instead an adult gets banished from the troop because two boys were fighting over a chair.

[Bloop]

S1: Went home that night and skipped dinner. His dad's a scouter and is aware that she went over the line with him but also knows he's been 'difficult' lately. They were headed on vacation but he seems content that we'll handle it. Mom is out of the loop.

 

S2 got tapped at the campfire Friday night and both Mom and Dad stayed for it. Dad seemed willing to be pleasant for the ceremony and Mom seemed to stew. Dad & son packed up and went home Sat morn on their own. No further contrition or indignant acts.

 

They won't be at the Commitee meeting.

 

Maybe they were planning to leave already and she decided to'go out' in a 'blaze of glory.'

 

No other non-leader adults at the moment of the incident and our site was very isolated. But shortly after a few parents arrived as kids were rumbling. Grumpy surely bemoaned every step of the way to admin. One kid wanted to go home because the "kids were crazy and the adults were crazier." Dinner and campfire looked like nothing happened.

 

No idea about the 'grapevine' static but it can't be good.

Edited July 13, 2015 by Bloop

[qwazse]

For things like this and other reasons, scouters requested Heritage Reservation to cease scheduling family night. Week 1 SMs seemed to be very pleased with the decision.

 

This is very simple, mom needs to write a note to the boy and his family for overreacting to his misbehavior. Lacking any remorse, she should be banned from troop activities. If she's truly contrite, she will want to find a way to communicate to the boys that she was wrong. It's the SM who needs to decide what to say to the aggrieved scout.

 

That's all for a situation where mom had a bad day, and just maybe has come to her senses.

 

If there's some kind of feud or whatever that's been boiling outside of scouts ... Well, prayer is probably your only hope.

[Eagle94-A1]

Another reason for me to hate "Family Night."