Scouting Would Be So Much Better Without The Parents

[Stosh]

My standard answer is: "I dunno, I'm not in charge."  Any parent that questions that response gets a complete explanation of Boy-Led, Patrol-Method Scouting.  After that, the boys learn who to go to and don't waste their time asking questions or seeking leadership from the adults.

 

Basically the only scout that gets an answer when he comes to the adult area is the SPL or a PL when the SPL is not in camp.  Then he gets an answer from the SM, or a designated ASM if the SM is not in camp.

 

The SM/ASM team keeps the scouts out of the adult area and the SPL/PL team (PLC) keep the adults out of the scout's area.

[Gone]

The dad hat vs the leader hat is tough.  My rule is that I try to treat my son the same as other scouts.  If anything, I have higher expectations and standards for him because I know what he can do.  We joke about needing "Scout Repellant" around the adult site because our kids tend to keep coming over -- especially when we have good food.   

 

My solution is to try to treat the other scouts as if they are my son, rather than treating my son as if he is just another scout.

 

I hear ya. We had the issue many years back. The rules were 1) There are no dads or moms on camp outs, only Mr. or Mrs. X, 2) No one except the adults are in the adult camp site except in case of emergency, 3) Adults show the same camp site respect of the scouts/patrols that they show us, 4) If your kid is in trouble or having issues, someone other than you address it with him.

 

It ain't Cubs, so the run-to-mommy/daddy mentality is stopped in its tracks.  

[Eagledad]

Most here know that I am not a fan of parent bashing because 9 times out of 10, the problem is with the unit leaders not taking the time to teach the parents the purpose and workings of the program. Of course the 1 out of 10 is usually a real dozy. But some of my harshest critics turned into our most devoted followers because we gave them consistent guidance that they eventually witnessed. I believe that good scout masters spend 50 percent of their efforts with the adults. 

 

Barry

[Hedgehog]

Most here know that I am not a fan of parent bashing because 9 times out of 10, the problem is with the unit leaders not taking the time to teach the parents the purpose and workings of the program. Of course the 1 out of 10 is usually a real dozy. But some of my harshest critics turned into our most devoted followers because we gave them consistent guidance that they eventually witnessed. I believe that good scout masters spend 50 percent of their efforts with the adults. 

 

Barry

 

I give the three minute "coffee cup management" talk to all new parents on campouts (regardless of whether they were scouts when they were younger).  Heck, I give the the three minute "advantages of boy-led" talk to any new parents I see at scouting events.  If the leadership models boy-led, the parents will follow.

[Gone]

I give the three minute "coffee cup management" talk to all new parents on campouts (regardless of whether they were scouts when they were younger).  Heck, I give the the three minute "advantages of boy-led" talk to any new parents I see at scouting events.  If the leadership models boy-led, the parents will follow.

 

Good points!

 

The best way we found to harness those parents who truly want to "get engaged" with the boys is to have them become SMs or MBCs. If they truly miss the adult>scout relationship they had in Cubs (being more hands on teaching rather than letting the boys teach/lead) is to have them teach MBs, plan events the boys put on the calendar or help mentor scout leaders.

[Eagledad]

Good points!

 

The best way we found to harness those parents who truly want to "get engaged" with the boys is to have them become SMs or MBCs. If they truly miss the adult>scout relationship they had in Cubs (being more hands on teaching rather than letting the boys teach/lead) is to have them teach MBs, plan events the boys put on the calendar or help mentor scout leaders.

I'm not talking about getting them more involved, I'm talking about expectations for their sons that only a troop can provide. I'm speaking to them as parents who are investing into a program that will give their son a better future. 

 

One of my most challenging parents was an Air Force General who was also an Eagle Scout, His son absolutely hated boy scouts. We finally had to have the hard talk when his son ran away from a camp out. His son just may not be boy scout material, but if we go forward with this, he was going to have to work with me. The son did eventually earn his Eagle, but it required a lot of patience from dad. 

 

Barry

[MattR]

Most here know that I am not a fan of parent bashing because 9 times out of 10, the problem is with the unit leaders not taking the time to teach the parents the purpose and workings of the program. Of course the 1 out of 10 is usually a real dozy. But some of my harshest critics turned into our most devoted followers because we gave them consistent guidance that they eventually witnessed. I believe that good scout masters spend 50 percent of their efforts with the adults. 

I have a parent that's an Eagle scout and was tough to work with for the first two years. He knew how he wanted it (like his old troop) and wanted the scouts to do it just that way, and got frustrated, mostly with me. We spent a lot of time talking and now he gets it. The other night I said something and he said "No, that's not what you would do, you would let the boys figure it out." We both laughed.

 

There are always a few parents that push their kids. This usually stops working about the time the boy hits puberty. I had a dad who is written up in the Legacy of Honor book. He pushed both his kids hard. They rebelled. A few people questioned me if it was wise to tell the council president's son he wasn't going to get Eagle if he didn't change his attitude. Dad finally gave up. The boys then decided they wanted it. Both got Eagle. Great young men. I've also seen very disappointed dads watch as their sons dropped out of scouts.

[perdidochas]

In our troop the problem I see is where does the role of "Scoutmaster" end and "Parent" begin?

 

For example some Scouts if they are having an issue, run to their Dad. Even though that person is not in charge where they should be going to the ASM or SM.

 

Another, some leaders do spend more time with their son than they do with the other scouts.

 

So when, where, and how do they take off their "Dad" hat and put on their leader hat and vise versa?

 

That can be a tough one, and we are wrestling with it as well.  We have a couple of ASM's that baby their kids.  We are workign on them. My boys pretty much only ask me for medicine if they have a headache. Other than that they are pretty independent, although as older teens, they sometimes stop and look out for me.

 

We sometimes stop the Dad stuff with the boys by a joke. When a scout comes up to the adult area, and starts to talk to "dad" we all respond.  My sons pretty much call me Mr. Lastname when we're doing scouting because of that. 

[mashmaster]

I hear ya. We had the issue many years back. The rules were 1) There are no dads or moms on camp outs, only Mr. or Mrs. X, 2) No one except the adults are in the adult camp site except in case of emergency, 3) Adults show the same camp site respect of the scouts/patrols that they show us, 4) If your kid is in trouble or having issues, someone other than you address it with him.

 

It ain't Cubs, so the run-to-mommy/daddy mentality is stopped in its tracks.

I am looking forward to Boy Scouts :-)  Six more months.....

[PA Scoutmaster]

Coming from Cubs to Boy Scouts can be a transition (for adults). The first camping trip I attended, a wise scouter told me that "Dad's not here". Many years later, I sometimes need to remember that before I am too hard on parents. They may just not know how things work, and it is kind of counter-intuitive to not help your son. We know how the program works. We need to train new adult leaders so that it remains boy led.