Inappropriate Comments To Other Adults In Front Of Kids

[Stosh]

 While God may speak to people in a variety of different ways, we are called upon to test the spirits to see if they are from God.  Just keep it in mind Son of Sam had God talking to him as well.  

 

Obviously the benevolence part of this process seems to be the critical step left out.  That's usually an easy sign to spot when it comes to judging "messages from God".

[AlwaysGolden]

Thank you all for your comments and replies.  You have confirmed my belief that this woman probably should not have a place in the leadership of our Troop.  The ASM and his family are some of our closest friends and I wanted a few other opinions before I made a decision.  I wanted to make sure my personal feelings weren't clouding my judgement.   And, like I said, there is quite a bit more to the story. 

 

I'd like to be clear that I am not questioning that she is hearing from God.  That is something the ASM will have to discern for himself and since he is a man of deep Christian faith, I do not worry about him or his kids.  His oldest son just earned the God and Life award, and the youngest was recently baptized (in the Jordan River no less) after earning the God and Church award.  They will discuss as a family and likely learn great lessons from this.  His concern was not even for his own kids, but for other kids who might not have the same faith, support, and personal strength.

 

We are not chartered to a faith group.  We are chartered to a non-sectarian private school.  Our scouts include Christians, Catholics, Mormons, Hindus and Muslims.  Something said to the wrong family and in the wrong context could actually result in the school revoking our charter.  I would absolutely risk losing one scout if it means keeping the program alive for the other 29 boys.

Edited June 1, 2015 by AlwaysGolden

[Rick_in_CA]

The ASM who made the complaint was in the car with his two sons - 15 and 12 years old - when a woman in the troop who sits on the committee walked up to him and said, "You don't look very good.  And God told me you were going to have a catastrophic event happen in your life in the next year that will cause your death."

One thing you need to be careful of in situations like this, is how accurate is the quote? You might be missing context or nuance that might change your perception of the incident. Before acting on things, you need to talk to the woman and get her version of what happened. It's not that the ASM is lying, it's that he could be shading things either intentionally or unintentionally (memory can be a funny thing). Before you burn the bridge you are standing on, try to make sure you are standing on the right side.

[AlwaysGolden]

I would like to add that the only reason this has become my business is because it happened at a scout event at the school.  If it had happened elsewhere, I would have told the ASM that this is not a Unit issue.

[qwazse]

I would like to add that the only reason this has become my business is because it happened at a scout event at the school.  If it had happened elsewhere, I would have told the ASM that this is not a Unit issue.

I would encourage you to not make that distinction. Wherever the troop goes, they are representing the CO. This is a balance between freedom of expression and right to privacy. You need your people to understand that that balance should be struck wherever they find themselves. How you treat this will rub off on the boys and how they understand "reverent" wherever they are.

[Gone]

So, if the guy doesn't pass in the next year, will she question those "voices"?

[Stosh]

You're just jealous because you can't hear the voices I do.  

[perdidochas]

I am the COR of our troop ... An ASM came up to me yesterday and complained about what he felt were inappropriate comments made to him by another adult.

 

The ASM who made the complaint was in the car with his two sons - 15 and 12 years old - when a woman in the troop who sits on the committee walked up to him and said, "You don't look very good.  And God told me you were going to have a catastrophic event happen in your life in the next year that will cause your death."

 

My question is ...what do you do in this situation.  The ASM can handle himself, but was disturbed because she made comments about his impending death in front of his kids.  

 

There is a lot of background that I won't go into ... suffice it to say that our experience with this family has been less than fruitful or positive.  

 

I am the COR of our troop ... An ASM came up to me yesterday and complained about what he felt were inappropriate comments made to him by another adult.

 

The ASM who made the complaint was in the car with his two sons - 15 and 12 years old - when a woman in the troop who sits on the committee walked up to him and said, "You don't look very good.  And God told me you were going to have a catastrophic event happen in your life in the next year that will cause your death."

 

My question is ...what do you do in this situation.  The ASM can handle himself, but was disturbed because she made comments about his impending death in front of his kids.  

 

There is a lot of background that I won't go into ... suffice it to say that our experience with this family has been less than fruitful or positive.  

I'm a religious person, but I think the lady is a kook.  If that were said to me, I wouldn't worry about it, and I'd tell my sons the same. 

[CalicoPenn]

To be frank, this isn't a Scouting issue - him being an ASM and her being a member of the committee are just incidental to this whole thing.  I suspect that she would have done the same thing if she was just a parent of a Scout and not in the committee at all.  This is really just an issue between them - there is really no need to get between them on this and in my opinion, I think you need to explain to the ASM that this is something he needs to deal with himself.  You could, as a friend, suggest that he have a quiet word with her about how she came across to his two sons and that in the future, if she has something like that to say, speak to him in private about it, but I would also make it clear that the Troop isn't going to get involved.  What, exactly, does he want?  Removing her from the committee doesn't prevent her from approaching anyone with her predictions and unless she's a horrible committee member, why would you want to do so.  At committee meetings, if she tries making announcements about her predictions, you can certainly speak up, but if she's approaching someone at the end of meetings for a "private" chat, there is nothing that you can really do about it.

 

Presumably, these are both adults and can take care of their own issues instead of treating the Troop like an eighth grade classroom with you as a middleman in the note passing.

[Twocubdad]

Ding!  We have a winner!  CalicoPenn receives two free passes to the Rotary Club Square Dance this Friday night.  No more calls please.

 

Honestly, I think some people join Scouts only because it gives them another group of people to whom they can pass off responsibility for their lives.

[Gone]

To be frank, this isn't a Scouting issue - him being an ASM and her being a member of the committee are just incidental to this whole thing.  I suspect that she would have done the same thing if she was just a parent of a Scout and not in the committee at all.  This is really just an issue between them - there is really no need to get between them on this and in my opinion, I think you need to explain to the ASM that this is something he needs to deal with himself. 

 

If this happened at a scouting event then shouldn't it be a scouting issue?

 

If two scouts were involved, and not parents, would you have the same position?

[CalicoPenn]

Not everything that occurs at Scouting events is, or should be, a Scouting issue.  I feel this is one of those things.  This is an interpersonal issue between two adults who both happen to be Scouters and it just happened to have taken place at the end of a Scout event.  If she had come up to him with complaints about how he was doing his job as an ASM, I would say that's a Scouting issue since it's going to affect the Unit.  In this case, she isn't talking about anything to do with Scouting or the Unit so why should the Unit even get involved?  Would it be a Scouting issue that the Unit needed to take action on if an estranged couple got into an argument at the end of a Scout meeting over who's turn it is to take Johnny Scout home that night?  The only thing a Unit should do in that case is to tell both parties to stop arguing in front of the Scouts - and that's it - it's not a Scouting issue.

 

If it were two Scouts?  My attitude is the same - it's an interpersonal issue, not a Scouting issue - the most I would do would be to act as mediation if the Scouts requested it - otherwise, when Bob Scout comes complaining to me that John Scout said he had a vision from God that Bob Scout was going to die in a year, I would first ask if Bob really thinks John hears voices from God, and, unless it was part of a pattern of harrassment or bullying, or their was a huge age difference (maybe Bob is 11 and John is 16), I'd ask Bob to either laugh it off and ignore it or try to work it out with John.  Isn't part of what we're supposed to be doing is giving Scouts the skills to make their way through life?

[Twocubdad]

 

If two scouts were involved, and not parents, would you have the same position?

 

I seem to recall completing a membership application for the BOY Scouts of America.  We're here to deal with the boys and hopefully help them learn to deal with these situations by applying the Oath and Law.  I would talk with both boys to help them do that.  But I'm not here to teach their parents how to play well with others.

 

But I didn't volunteer to teach a bunch of adults how to play well with others.  I've been sucked into these situations before.  I may not be smart, but I am trainable.  I won't go there again.

[Gone]

I seem to recall completing a membership application for the BOY Scouts of America.  We're here to deal with the boys and hopefully help them learn to deal with these situations by applying the Oath and Law.  I would talk with both boys to help them do that.  But I'm not here to teach their parents how to play well with others.

 

Ok. Then let your SPL or PLs deal with the issue.

[Twocubdad]

Not their job either.  If these two need life coaches, therapists, ministers or exorcists, they need to look in the yellow pages.