Inappropriate Comments To Other Adults In Front Of Kids

[AlwaysGolden]

I am the COR of our troop ... An ASM came up to me yesterday and complained about what he felt were inappropriate comments made to him by another adult.

 

The ASM who made the complaint was in the car with his two sons - 15 and 12 years old - when a woman in the troop who sits on the committee walked up to him and said, "You don't look very good.  And God told me you were going to have a catastrophic event happen in your life in the next year that will cause your death."

 

My question is ...what do you do in this situation.  The ASM can handle himself, but was disturbed because she made comments about his impending death in front of his kids.  

 

There is a lot of background that I won't go into ... suffice it to say that our experience with this family has been less than fruitful or positive.  

[Gone]

She was wrong. Make her apologize and fire a shot across her bow not to do it again or she'll be suspended from activities.

[Stosh]

If she's such a God-fearing woman, I would remind her that it wasn't God talking and divining the future is a sin.  I would suggest she apologize to the ASM and seek professional help.

[qwazse]

Well, @, we won"t know if she was wrong until next year. At which time if the ASM is still kicking, she can be treated as a false prophet. Hope the boys will have improved their throwing arm by then. (Actually, I don't know if in Jewish tradition you have to be bar-mitzvah'd to stone a false prophet.)

 

Actually, @AlwayGolden, this is a teachable moment for the boys. If this woman has a past behavior like this, you need to talk to the SM about about helping those two boys understand what they heard in that context. This might seem like a religious practice the woman holds dear, but if you were to talk to her religious leaders, you might learn something completely different. Depending on the situation, the boys might need to apply, kindness, bravery, or reverence.

 

Really, 12 is a good age to experience this sort of thing. Thanks to my family's beer business and all of our different religions, I was exposed to our county's panoply of saints and sinners by that age. It really helped me to be a better scout.

 

Regarding what to say to the mom, if you are representing your church, you might want to discuss this with your institutional head.

[T2Eagle]

This person is probably suffering some type of emotional/psychological deficit.  A conversation with her about the substance of what she said will almost certainly not be fruitful.  It is possible, but actually probably unlikely, that you could explain to her that it was inappropriate to have said those things in front of the boys.

 

The most important thing is explaining to the boys the absolute untruth of what she claimed to know, and if you're so inclined use it as a teachable moment about what to do when people act so inappropriately and bizarrely.

[packsaddle]

AlwaysGolden, welcome to the forums. Wow, something like this happened to me...about 20-25 years ago...h'mmmm maybe longer. At that time, after I indulged in some maniacal laughter, I asked the person if, since they knew this sure enough to warn me, if THEY were planning to do the deed? Followed by more laughter. Sometimes laughter really is the best response. In my case I just peppered the person with followup questions about dates, time of day it might happen, what the weather was going to be like in the coming days, that sort of thing (the person was wrong about the weather too). The boys caught on right away and they had nothing but sympathy for the 'crazy' person. After that I didn't hear much from the 'clairvoyant' anymore. (Got one call, complaining they hadn't been informed of some meeting whereupon I asked if they were admitting that they really were NOT clairvoyant?....CLICK)

As COR, I think you should just watch the situation and take notes. It's likely to just go away but if it persists you might consider some of the other comments. But personally, I'd enjoy having someone tell me something like that...make my day.

Edited to remove: details of the fun we had with this on outings the following year or so, planning the 'burial'.

Edited May 31, 2015 by packsaddle

[RememberSchiff]

I am the COR of our troop ...

 

 ... suffice it to say that our experience with this family has been less than fruitful or positive.  

Meet with the SM, Troop Committee Chairman, and said ASM to discuss the troop's experience, good and bad, with this family and the way forward.

 

If you remove her from your Troop Committee, her sons may leave your troop. 

 

If this family stays in your troop how many "positive" families are likely to leave?

 

At the least, I think she should be retired from the Troop Committee.

 

My $0.02

[Gone]

@@RememberSchiff nails it. Cut out the bad seed for the good of the unit. Such things have no place in scouting.

 

If she did this once what will she do next and where? In font of new recruits? At summer camp? Says something to another unit?

 

She's a liability in more way than one. Cut ties.

[JoeBob]

Piling on:

 

This voice (she believes to be God) that told her you were going to die within a year?  What has that voice told her about the boys?  Will the voice direct her to "lead them to manhood" or such?

 

In a leadership role in a scout troop, this person is dangerous.  "Come on boys!  I know the trail ended a few miles back, but God told me that home is just over this clifffffffffffffff."

Her erratic behavior has been observed directly by the COR, you.

As COR you are responsible for dealing with her; the CO will be liable for any harm she causes, because you know she is a danger.

 

I'm sorry that you're in this position.  But once you step up and deal with her (and it sounds like you should have plenty of help), everyone will be in a better position.

 

Crazy Lady can go prophesy for a retirement home.

[packsaddle]

Are we ignoring the possibility that she's the 'real deal'?

Edit: I mean, how do we know she's NOT getting the direct message from God? Why assume that she's loopy? The OP didn't give any detail on her background so how do we know?

Edited May 31, 2015 by packsaddle

[JoeBob]

I mean, how do we know she's NOT getting the direct message from God? Why assume that she's loopy? 

If she is the real deal, that's okay.  Any actions taken are part of God's plan.

[Gone]

Are we ignoring the possibility that she's the 'real deal'?

Edit: I mean, how do we know she's NOT getting the direct message from God? Why assume that she's loopy? The OP didn't give any detail on her background so how do we know?

 

God would have given her a super soaker to deliver the message and not in front of the kids.

[imachristian13]

As you can probably guess by my moniker and avatar, I come to this from a different perspective.  Having a "word" from God is not craziness for a Believer.  That being said, there is a right way and a wrong way to share such a word. This is clearly the wrong way. Specifically, because the word from God is supposed to be shared only with the person/people for which it is related. 

 

If the charter of the troop is through a faith-based organization - especially one that includes this woman as a member - please treat it with respect even if it is not your cup of tea. Take it to the leader of the chartering group (presumably, a lay leader or, perhaps, a member of the clergy) and explain the concerns that apply to the "when" and "how" the word was shared. Do not dive in to the other aspects because - no different than someone saying "God Bless You" when you sneeze, she was sharing in good faith.

 

If, however, the charter of the troop is through a non-faith group, take it directly to the woman in a private meeting (just a few primary Committee members) and - again, be respectful - say that you appreciate that she felt strong enough in her faith to share this with you. However, as someone who doesn't share in this faith, you would prefer not to hear these types of messages in the future. Further, as we are uncertain of the entire faith life of our Scouts, kindly refrain from making statements of this nature in front of them at any time.

Either way, there is no need to remove her from the group on this instance - nor is there any need to threaten her with banishment for next time. If there is a next time, you simply have to remind her of this discussion and - since she has disobeyed the request - ask her to depart.  

Hope you'll consider my advice.  

Bob 

[JoeBob]

 

There is a lot of background that I won't go into ... suffice it to say that our experience with this family has been less than fruitful or positive.  

[desertrat77]

I'm reminded of some excellent advice I received years ago:   "Don't argue with crazy people."

 

Suggestions/corrections to the lady won't help.   Considering the fact that her previous behavior hasn't been sterling, it's time to say "adios" to her.

 

A one-way conversation, addressing her behavior and the effect it has had, and then a polite but firm "thanks for your service, best wishes in your future endeavors."