What should they call us?

[OldGreyEagle]

In the troop I am fortunate to serve, most adults (Parent age)are referred to as Mr/Mrs/Dr. whatever the case may be. To reinforce this, the adults themselves will adress other adults IN THE PRESENCE of the scouts as Mr/Mrs/Dr.

 

We found that while the adults may know Mrs Smith's first name is Mary, the youth don't, so we would refer them to Mrs Smith.

 

As scouts age out and transition to ASM's, they are stilled called by their first name, havent come to point where what was once Bob becomes Mr. White.

[Eamonn]

Think we have been down this road before.

Everyone calls me Eamonn. Because that is what I want to be called. When it comes to full name I make a point of using my full name all three of them.

My Son is Oliver-James, at this time he does not want to be called Oliver, he prefers OJ or Oliver-James.

When I visit a unit I make a point of asking the adults what they want to be called. Some of the packs call the leaders by Mr or Mrs First Name (Miss Jane Mr Bob) A lot of the troops call the adults Mr. Jones or whatever. I do ask that people call me Eamonn and when someone introduces me as Mr. .... I always correct them.

At School back in England the staff always called us just by our last names. "Smith stop doing that!!" I have no idea why.

When I am dealing with young people I ask what they want to be called. If a boy is David I ask if he prefers David or Dave. If someone has a nickname again I ask.

I do tend to use titles even with first names I have a great pal who has a Phd I call him Doc Ed. Even our family doctor is Doc. Mark.

While I am nearing only 50, I think it is important that we call people by what they want to be called, no matter if they are a youth or an adult.

One strange thing has been that we used to have the residents names outside of their apartments in the assisited living home, but thanks to HIPPA we now only have their first names. Still while the staff refer to most of the people by their first names there are a few people who are called by their first and second name, they have never asked to be called that way it just happens. Even our Scout Exec. Who is happy to be called Bill, when people talk about him they always use both names.

Eamonn

[OldGreyEagle]

I belive that was

 

Raymond Jay Johnson Jr

 

You can call me Ray

You can call me Ray Jay

You can call me RJ

You can call me Ray Jay Johnson

You can call me Raymond Jay Johnson JR

 

BUT...

 

The last thing I want them to call me is late for dinner!!!(This message has been edited by OldGreyEagle)

[andrewcanoe]

I know that joke, someting about a tent flap being thrown open when a native american child is born.

[Twocubdad]

And you're right, it's not appropriate here!

 

I didn't intend to suggest that people use formal titles even if the person being addressed asks that you not. I'm just suggesting that in the Scouting setting, I wish adults would not invite boys to call them by their first name. The SM at our local troop is a young chap (you're rubbing off on me, Eamonn) and he likes to be called by his first name. Certainly that's his perrogative. But as a matter of example and respect, I would prefer that he not.

[mk9750]

Adrianvs,

 

Sorry if I've offended you. I hope that further explaination will put me in your good graces.

 

In our Troop, all boys adress all adults "Mr. / Mrs. ...". It's been like this since far longer than I have been with the Troop, and although I agree with it, even if I didn't I would never act to change it. It's just not my place.

 

Therefore, my hope is that Eagle Scouts see this as just one more perk (a small, admittedly) for achieving their goal. the reality is that I am not an Eagle Scout, so at least in terms of Scouting, Eagles deserve more resect than do I.

 

I've never looked at this practice a "the man keepin' the little guy down". We use titles to help teach respect. I invite those who have earned my respect by earning Eagle Scout to address me by my first name. But I will admit, your interpretation of what I do has made me think it through a little more carefully than I might have before. And I'll stick with it, I think.

 

Mark

[Adrianvs]

I wasn't really offended, Mark. I should have put a smiley in there to demonstrate my intended tone. I still differ in that youth do not have to earn the Eagle Scout rank to receive my respect, however.

 

I understand that some adults may be uncomfortable being addressed by youth with their first names. This may be because they are trying to maintain a more formal relationship. It may also be simply what they are accustomed to. Another possibility is that they see themselves as "above" the youth in position and honor. It is only the third reason that I object to. If an adult (or youth, I suppose ) preferred to be addressed by a formal title, then I would certainly comply. But I would treat them with the distance that such a title implies.

 

 

"While I am nearing only 50, I think it is important that we call people by what they want to be called, no matter if they are a youth or an adult."

 

I think that is stating the best policy. It sounds like most adults (who don't reside around here, strangely) prefer to be addressed by youth by their formal titles. Perhaps that is best. I would also wager that most youth prefer to be addressed by their first names. That's fine, too. But what if a youth demanded the courtesy of being addressed as Mr. Smith? Would you consider him rude? Would you explain to him that he is beneath being addressed so by his superior?

 

Why should we draw the line at age? Should blue collar workers have to address white collar workers as by title? How about income? That's more objective. What about religion? I won't even go there.. heh heh..

 

I think we all need to remember that as long as we put on the same uniform, we are all equals in this organization. In the midst of mixed company or when addressing relative strangers, it is usually appropriate to use a formal title. When in the company of a particular organization, it is best to use the organizational titles or use the names that familiarity suggests.

 

I see speaking of Mr. Smith, when both you and the youth know him as Bob, as "speaking down" to the youth unnecessarily.

 

Service to youth, eh? Why don't we start addressing the youth as Mr. Smith and have them address us by our first names? What's wrong with that?

 

Let me know when adult uniforms come with gold piping and silver laurels on the collars. Until then, I will be addressing both youth and adults in the organization as equals and will expect them to do likewise.

 

 

BTW, Don't worry, Mark; You're in my good graces. (This message has been edited by Adrianvs)

[Chippewa29]

I became an ASM when I was 18, and since most of the guys in the troop were shortly before my fellow Scouts, they called me by my first name. As new kids joined the troop, it just never changed. A few of the kids now call me Mr. First Name, but I'm still at least 7-8 years younger than any parent (and 20+ years younger than several of the older parents). Since I'm single and childless, I often seem younger than I am. I always address the other adults in conversation by their first name, but refer to them when speaking to the Scouts by Mr. or Mrs. Smith. One bonus of my age being between that of the kids and parents is that there are times when a Scout is going to be more himself around me than he would around someone a parent age who he has to address as Mr. Smith. As long as the Scouts still treat that adult with due respect, I don't have a problem if they call me by my first name.

[NeilLup]

When I introduce myself to a youth, it is with my first name and second name. Whatever they call me is fine provided they listen.

 

In virtually every case, calling a person with title and last name has been acceptable. However, in one case, I consistently called the Sr. VP of a major customer of mine Dr. XXXXXX for reasons of respect. He later gave me a good job reference but a negative comment was that I didn't call him by his first name and so I didn't consider myself to be a peer of his yet.

[Bob58]

As a retail clerk (supermarket checker) in high school I learned quickly that every male preferred "Sir" and almost every female accepted "Miss". No surprises there.

 

In our unit adult leaders are addressed as Mr. or Ms. / Mrs. (Heaven knows what they call us when we're not "ear-round"!)Bob

[purcelce]

Your right OGE. It was Raymond Jay Johnson Jr.

 

I also remember a younger Rodney Dangerfield that was in those commericials. Rodney has the same birthday as my son

 

 

[red feather]

For several years the scouts have addressed me as Mr. (insert last name). In response I address them as Sir and as a group they are gentlemen or scouts, not boys or guys.

 

Recently one of our older scouts (18 and new Eagle) came up to me and asked permission to address me by my first name. I was honored and pleased to agree. True Returns.

 

That may sound self important but it was a turning point in how this young man and I interacted and worked with each other.

 

Respect is a two way street.

[ManyIrons]

For me it's "Mr. (insert last name here)" -- no apologies, I just consider it proper manners. It's the way I was raised and the way we have raised our sons. If other leaders (in my troop or others) want to let the Scouts call them by their first names I don't have a problem with it, but I'm not going to participate in it.

 

Of course, it's never been a problem in our troop. The boys have always addressed the adults with Mr. or Mrs. and we usually address them by their first names. When I speak with them as a group I refer to them as "gentlemen" and I usually tack the word "sir" onto any response to them (or any other male -- ma'am to females -- probably the military in me).

 

Once they're 18, I don't have a problem with first names. I consider it admirable if they ask permission first, but I won't make an issue of it.

 

The admonishment to always use Mr./Mrs. is sound advice, you can't go wrong when you show respect.

 

BTW: I was once referred to as "dude" by one of the boys once -- once. It only took a look over the top of my glasses and a repeat of the word in the form of a question ("dude?") to correct that.(This message has been edited by ManyIrons)

[LauraT7]

The boys in our troop use Mr. or Mrs. Even our SM's son calls him Mr. Lastname while in uniform.

 

I have told them they can call me Mrs. T or Mrs. lastname. I prefer Mrs T - and in a casual setting, like at a meeting or camoput, the boys generally use that. My son's friends use that also, when they are over at our house or I see them at school

 

when I was younger and my son was younger, I had everyone, including his friends, call me by my first name alone. I'm an informal kind of person, and "mrs. Lastname" makes me think of my ex-mother-in-law, not ME! heck i didn't like being 'mrs Lastname' even when I was married, as it made me feel older even then! But having children use my first name became uncomfortable, not for me - but for the kids and their family - who were trying to teach their kids to treat an adult with respect by using a title. It confused the kids.

 

Problem is, i don't LIKE my last name. I'm long divorced and kept the name on the advice of my parents, for simplicity regarding the school, Dr's, etc identifying me and my son as parent and child. Now, 11 years later, I realize this is not as big a deal as my conservative family made it out to be - and I have often thought of switching back to my maiden name.

 

I also don't like "Ms Laura" - it sounds like a pre-school teacher or something - yuch. Mrs. T suits me just fine.

 

since the adults are used to calling each other by first names - when we talk to the boys, we will often say - 'turn your popcorn money in to paul lastname' (or Mr. Lastname).

 

laura

[dsteele]

I find this thread to be very interesting from many points of view. I have found nothing to disagree with and even found that my own preferences, both in usage with others and other's usage toward me may be unusual. (Pssst -- this is your opportunity to call me weird without fear if you'd like.)

 

When I was younger, I saw Mr. as a sign of respect and feared to not use it. When I became 18, I expected others to call me Mr. just because I was an adult.

 

There was a long period of time as a kid when I thought being called David good and hated being called Dave. David was the little guy who slew Goliath and there's no way a Dave could have done that, right?

 

When I became a DE at the ripe age of 22, I imagined I would be called Mr. Steele and all would be good. Didn't happen. In fact, others expected me to call them Mr. or Mrs. because they were older. That didn't happen either -- by then I learned that respect only works when it is reciprical . . . otherwise it's just false cheer.

 

Gradually, I learned that Steele is a pretty hard sounding name (the e on the end is silent ) and that some people are actually intimidated by professional scouters -- honest to God, that is a hard one for many professionals to learn, myself included.

 

Once I hit a level where I began to have an effect on council policies and supervise district executives, something very strange happened. People began to call me Sir, Mr. Steele, etc. as if I were some sort of policing, hard-smashing, volunteer eating machine.

 

It seemed to help when I went from David J. Steele, Mr. Steele, etc. to just Dave. I guess it's an image thing, both internal and external.

 

As to what I prefer children to call me . . . that's an interesting question. I am comfortable, as far as the sons and daughters of friends, calling me by whatever their parents want them to call me. Uncle Dave is a very high compliment, Dave is fine by me, Mr. Dave is okay, and Mr. Steele is a bit dis-tasteful, but who am I to tell the parents how to raise their children when it comes to ettiquette?

 

While I'm on a roll here, I wish to second what Bob White and others have said about being called what one is preferred to be called as the polite thing to do. Please refer to the below examples: (I'm exposing some personal intelligence here on the way I operate it, so please don't exploit it.)

 

1) Having said what I said about preferring Dave, my support staff is trained to call me Mr. Steele in the presence of others who I don't know when there is possible trouble. They are, by using the honorific, telling me to watch out.

 

2) If someone who has called me David once and been corrected -- which I do, I really prefer Dave -- calls me David again, they are marked in my brain as someone who is trying to insult me deliberately. If they call me David after the second request, my hearing seems to fail on the third call, unless they happen to be the guy who signs my paycheck.

 

3) Perhaps I'm jaded, but in my brain, the only people who have the right to be referred to by title and surname are full-time members of the United States armed forces or reservists, National Guard, etc. who are on duty at the time I call them. Otherwise, I will call the pastor, general manager, CEO, etc. and ask for them by first name -- but I'll make sure I have the correct first name (like Twocubdad, many people prefer to call themselves by something other than the name their parents laid on them) before I do so. We call that doing your homework.

 

4) When it comes to Scouts, I have to admit that I'm surprised, but not offended, when one of them calls me Dave. That's only because I think most parents raise their children to use Mr. or Mrs. when referring to adults. On rare occasions, I have over-ridden whatever the parents have taught and given the young Scout permission (actually more like a command) to call me Dave. I fully expect the young Scout (and I wouldn't give permission for the use of Dave if I didn't think it would happen) to go to his parents and say, "Mr. Steele said to call him Dave. Can I." That's exactly what happened when my DE as a Scout told me to call him by his first name.

 

Hops -- what did I tell you to call me? Would I be offended if you called me Mr. Steele?

 

Sorry for the long answer to the short question.

 

DS