What should they call us?

[andrewcanoe]

In our troop all the leaders are usually called by Mr.Smith or Mrs. Jone etc by the boys. The leader and adults call each other by first name and refer to each other to the scouts as Mr. or Mrs. Some times the boys who have been in the troop for some time or Know a leader outside of scouting will refer to that leader by first name.

 

It came up at a pre-Eagle board of review that the canidate would be better off in life if he refered to anyone he came in contact with above him by formal title to show respect, No nicknames or Mr./Mrs.first name.

 

What is the feeling of the forum on this subject?

[Laurie]

I'm only 40 (can't believe I'm saying only), but I am offended when youth call me by first name, particularly if I have not asked them to (and I've never asked them to yet) or if I have not been introduced to them by first name. It was drilled into me as a kid to always use a title, and I personally think it is one of the easiest ways to show respect. If someone should ask me to call them by their first name, I do so. The adults in the troop my son is in call one another by Mr. or Mrs. too, for the most part anyway. As for adults who want children to call them by their first name, our children have been taught to respond that their parents want them to call them Mr. or Mrs., but if they may call them Mr. John or Mrs. Laurie, would that be ok. It usually is. So, there's my opinion and a half

[Adrianvs]

Perhaps this is a reflection of my age and upbringing, but I much prefer to be addressed by my first name. In fact, I find it irritating when my surname is invoked to the exclusion of my given name by friends or associates. While it has had much to do with respect in the past, I see the use of formal titles primarily as a sign of afamiliarity. In other words, among familiar members of a group (such as a troop), I find it a little pretentious. Others may feel uncomfortable being addressed by "lessers" with their given name, but within the scouting movement, they are serving primarily as advisors and trainers for the youth. If adult scouters wish to maintain a degree of formality, then such a thing may be decided upon by the PLC. If the scouters wish to receive the honorous title "Master of the Tribe of Smiths" each time they are addressed, but not return the favor to those scouts "below" them, then I suggest that they reevaluate their role and position within the scouting movement.

 

 

"It came up at a pre-Eagle board of review that the canidate would be better off in life if he refered to anyone he came in contact with above him by formal title to show respect"

 

Of course, determining who is above whom is a tricky subject. Should the adult arrowman address his chapter or lodge chief as Mr. Lastname? Would that be beneath him?

 

So, there's my two-halves-and-a-quarter opinions.. (This message has been edited by Adrianvs)

[NJCubScouter]

In my son's troop it is pretty simple, the boys call the adults Mr./Mrs. (Last Name). As in Andrew's troop, adults are on a first-name basis with each other, but not when speaking to the boys. Our SM takes it to the point that when a boy turns 18, if he wishes to continue in the troop, at his next meeting he is given an adult leader application to fill out as an ASM, then the SM introduces him to the boys as a new ASM, and says "He is no longer John, he is Mr. Smith." I have not yet had one of these 18-year-olds call me by my first name, but it would be appropriate, if somewhat jarring at first. It's sort of like, what do you call your mother-in-law when you're first married...

[andrewcanoe]

Sorry I left out half of the advice to the Eagle canidate. The quote should have been above or below( Your boss/the people who work for you, Your profesors/your students) I have no problem with the boys calling me by my first name(which is not Andrew, it's Dave)when talking to me the problem came up when the canidate refered to one of the leaders who was an inspiration by first name in a question during a mock BOR. The parent's point was treating everyone with respect. Showing respect to those who look up to you as a role model and in returning showing respect to those people you look up to.(This message has been edited by andrewcanoe)

[EagleInKY]

I'm with Laurie (I'll be crossing the 40 bridge this year as well). I expect the boys to refer to me or other adults as "Mr." or "Mrs." unless otherwise instructed. Some of the leaders have nicknames (ChrisV. or Mr.B), but it is up to the adult as to whether they are acceptible to him or her. I also think it is also acceptable for the boys to use full names in casual conversation ("Is John Smith coming on the campout?").

 

Now, in regards to a BOR, I would encourage the Eagle Scout Candidate to use the more formal approach, because he doesn't know how the members of the Board will view it. It's "better safe than sorry". This reminds me of an incident at church a few years ago. I was well into my 30s and was making an announcement. I referred to a senior citizen friend of mine by his first name. I had no problem with it since he and I were good friends. However, another senior citizen came up to me after the service and chastised me for being so informal with someone that I should show more respect to. So, you never know how people are going to interpret your speech. Play it safe, use "Mr." or "Mrs.".

[mk9750]

I believe that one can never go wrong taking the more formal route and waiting to be invited to change. In other words, I teach my sons, and the Scouts in our troop that Mr. or Mrs. is appropriate until invited by that person to call him something different.

 

I have metioned this before, but I have a tradition where I invite any boy who completes his Eagle BOR to call me Mark. Makes no difference what the age, they've earned enough respect from me to call me by my first name. It's a big kick for these guys to do so, and they make a big deal out of doing it in front of their non Eagle buddies.

 

Mark

[evmori]

Personally, I like "O Exalted One".

[Bob White]

Part of inter-personal relationships is determining the protocol for behavior between the people involved. It can and will be different in eacg situation.

 

How you refer to others falls in the area of the Platinum Rule. You know the Golden Rule, "do onto others as you would have them do onto you".

Well the Platinum Rule is "do onto others as they want done onto them". If you want to show respect for someone then address the other person as they are most comfortable.

 

for instance, if your SM wants to let you call him by his first name then that is an agreement between the two of you.

 

If you are unsure how to address someone, simply ask them. Hello again MR. Smith, or may I call you Bob? Then do what makes them feel comfortable.

 

Robert (you can call me Bob) White

[Twocubdad]

I agree with Mark that you should use the honorific until the person invites you to use another name. I have always gone by my middle name and it drives me up a wall to be called by my first name by a bank teller or receptionist. If you don't know me well enough to know that I don't use my first name, you don't know me well enought to be using it at all.

 

In a Scout setting, however, I would prefer adults have the boy call them Mr. or Mrs. I think it is a lesson in respect and manners boys seldom receive elsewhere now day.

 

I think most of our Cubs refer to our leaders as Mr., although a few like to be called "Mr. Chuck" or "Mr. Hal." One guy has always been "Den Leader Doug." It works for Cubs, but I'll admit it's a little too cute for Boy Scouts.

[Adrianvs]

"(Your boss/the people who work for you, Your profesors/your students)"

 

I agree that there are many situations where formal titles are appropriate. These are good examples.

 

 

"I have metioned this before, but I have a tradition where I invite any boy who completes his Eagle BOR to call me Mark. Makes no difference what the age, they've earned enough respect from me to call me by my first name."

 

Wow.. You let Eagle Scouts consider themselves to address you as equals? Who else is worthy enough to assume familiarity with you? Seems a little too much like self-aggrandizement in your case, rather than maintaining a degree of formality.

 

I have no problem with formality as long as it is reciprocal. There is no place in the scouting movement for common title-flauting amongst fellow members of equal standing, however. If you do not respect the youth enough to apply the same titles that you demand, then perhaps you should rethink your place in the troop.

 

 

Master of the House of Orchardmen

(You may call me Master Orchardman.)

[acco40]

I tease my children by telling them constantly that my name is not "butt dad." Over half the time their response to my comments are in the line of: "but dad, [insert excuse here]."

 

Seriously, I agree with BW 100% and etiquette books will back him up too. It is common courtesy to call someone by the name they prefer. If that preference is not known, either ask or go with which you think best erring on the side of being too formal as opposed to too informal. As SM, when addressing the boys I refer to the SAs as Mr. Smith, Mr. Jones, etc.

 

One boy in our troop refers to his mother by her first name. He is adopted and that is the salutations that their family feels comfortable with. It doesn't bother me but some of the parents in the troop view as disrespectful. They need to get over it.

 

It all reminds me of the joke about the indian boy who asks his parents how he and his siblings were named. A good joke but one I should not repeat on this forum.(This message has been edited by acco40)

[Laurie]

To call someone by the name they prefer: that has me wondering. Would you think I'm teaching my children to be rude by asking them if they could still use Mr/Mrs as this is what they are taught to do to be respectful? I'm not arguing; I'm truly wondering. Interestingly enough, noone has has a problem with at least Mr/Mrs plus first name as opposed to the more formal Mr/Mrs plus last name. They seem to appreciate it, so much so that these are the people that praise our boys' manners.

 

With this same thought in mind, that of calling people what they prefer to be called, I make it a point to ask all boys that I meet what name they would like me to use. It is one way I show respect to them. Twocubdad gave the example of his using middle name; that's an excellent example of this. I know children who do this. We have--to pick a name--a Timothy who prefers Timothy and another who prefers Tim. My children each have names which can have nicknames, and they just hate when someone calls them a name they don't care for. They have learned to politely say that they "prefer the name ______ please", and likewise, we know that as parents we may need to allow them to call some adults by a first name even though we ourselves don't care for that.

 

Sorry--that got long-winded, not my intent, but I think respect from and for the youth is important as well as for the adults.

[purcelce]

(Going to show my age here)

 

Remember the Lite B**r commericials of the 70's?

 

"You can call me Roy, you can call me RJ, you can call me RJ. But ya doesn't have to call me Johnson?"

[purcelce]

(Going to show my age here)

 

Remember the Lite B**r commericials of the 70's?

 

"You can call me Roy, you can call me RJ, you can call me JR. But ya doesn't have to call me Johnson?"