Less Blaming, More Problem-Solving

[Stosh]

Okay, but now we have identified a different problem. It keeps getting punctured is not the same as punctured. Chances are that having spent money on fixing it, when the old tank is pulled off I can now see what the problem was, it rusted through, it was punctured, or whatever. If it rusted through and the car is 20 years old, chances are with the new tank they just put in, I have 20 years to worry about it. If it's punctured, then I need to look at why I have a hole in it. Well, I drive 20 miles to work and back on a gravel road. Must be the Mrs.'s fault, she likes the house better than I do. I see divorce on the horizon....

 

Stosh

[desertrat77]

 

LOL...I like that line, Stosh.

 

We are starting to split hairs, though, I think.

 

The reason I started this thread is because I see a lot of finger-pointing on this forum. Some of it leads to resolution but most of it just causes a lot of negativity and, quite frankly, makes my blood boil. I'm fairly certain we are all in Scouting because we believe that it's the best program for our youth, and I believe we all hold the Scout Oath and Law dear to our hearts. We don't always follow the Law and slip from time to time, myself included. However, we do our best to abide by those 12 points.

 

Someone recently stated, we're like a family on this forum, complete with sibling shouting matches. I, on the other hand, am an only child and I don't know what it's like to have a brother or sister. My outlook on life was formed by my Lutheran pastor mother and my Scout buddies.

 

As you have probably noticed, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. This sometimes leads to my getting walked on and spit on. But, hey, I don't regret the decisions I've made in life. If I've helped give a Scout a positive experience in a life that is normally less-than-stellar, I think it's okay if the boy's mother took advantage of my money or my time. Maybe she's a single mom who wants the best for her boy but can't make ends meet. I don't know and I don't care. The problem, as I see it, is the boy needs Scouting and can't afford it. I can fix that with the help of my friends, fellow Scouters, and the chartering organization. I'm not going to blame the mother for not being able to afford Scouting for her son.

 

Some of you will be quick to jump back with words like "enabling" and "entitlements". I hear you and I understand where you're coming from. However, I choose to address the issue with the Scout and the mother at a time that is right for all involved. That's just my approach to problem-solving. Some have called me "warm and fuzzy" and that made my heart sing. Yes, I do approach Scouting from a warm and fuzzy angle. There's enough cold and prickly stuff going on in life and my Troop provides a safe-haven for a lot of young men who need a warm and fuzzy place to go. There's a safe place for them to go and fail, learn, and become better men.

 

I don't expect most of you will agree with me and that's fine. Scouting is my passion and I enjoy working with the boys in my Troop and the Scouters at the district and council level. Is there finger-pointing going on there? Duh. Is it helpful? No. We have "toxic Scouters" at every level but we can't let them ruin Scouting for us. Let's take roundtable, for example. It can be a great place to learn new things, meet new people, and keep up-to-date on the news of the district/council. If you let it become a waste of time, complaining-session, "Latin American General" [cringe] greet-and-greet, then you're going to hate it and become all jaded and cynical.

 

So I'll stop rambling and wish everyone a Merry Christmas--if you celebrate Christmas. Otherwise, just know that I enjoy reading your posts and look forward to opening Scouter.com every day. We don't always agree with each other but we're united by Scouting and that's pretty darn cool.

 

LeCastor

 

LeCastor, you strike as a darn good scouter. And I hate to do this after you wrote such a fine Christmas benediction, but I figure I might ought to say a few words in my role of The Grinch.

 

Some of the unit scouters in this forum have hard edges. Frankly, they have to be hard. Been there myself. Scouters made of lesser stuff would have quit a long time ago. Scouting is not always the big happy family we'd like for it to be. It takes a lot of guts and hardheadedness to stay the course. We strive for peace and understanding. But sometimes, you've got to roll up your sleeves and engage in battle with those that don't have scouting's best interest at heart.

 

Compassion for Moocher Mom, the LA Generals, et al? Okay. Let's lend some to the unit level scouters in this forum. The ones that rankle. That are curmudgeonly. Yes, they have some rough edges but they come by it honestly. How? Walk a mile in their shoes. Find a hard-luck troop in a rough neighborhood, or a pack with lots of in-fighting and drama in a nice neighborhood, and become the unit leader. Give it a year. You'll see that positivity is a good thing, but accountability ("blame assessment") and sharp, uncomfortable conversations are necessary leadership tools as well. Yes, I know the latter two are verboten in today's psychology 101. A darn shame, because the need for them hasn't gone away. If handled correctly, and promptly, they nip problems in the bud.

 

Thanks for all you do for scouting, and my best to you and yours this holiday season.

[desertrat77]

Okay, but now we have identified a different problem. It keeps getting punctured is not the same as punctured. Chances are that having spent money on fixing it, when the old tank is pulled off I can now see what the problem was, it rusted through, it was punctured, or whatever. If it rusted through and the car is 20 years old, chances are with the new tank they just put in, I have 20 years to worry about it. If it's punctured, then I need to look at why I have a hole in it. Well, I drive 20 miles to work and back on a gravel road. Must be the Mrs.'s fault, she likes the house better than I do. I see divorce on the horizon....

 

Stosh

 

Stosh, LOL and huzzah! Thanks, I need that. Next cup of coffee is on me.

[Stosh]

You laugh, but I'm firmly convinced that you're absolutely correct and that the Mrs. is the root cause of all my problems.

 

Have a Merry Christmas!

 

Stosh

[desertrat77]

Stosh, thanks and you've convinced me! Merry Christmas to you and yours, DR

[LeCastor]

 

LeCastor, you strike as a darn good scouter. And I hate to do this after you wrote such a fine Christmas benediction, but I figure I might ought to say a few words in my role of The Grinch.

 

Some of the unit scouters in this forum have hard edges. Frankly, they have to be hard. Been there myself. Scouters made of lesser stuff would have quit a long time ago. Scouting is not always the big happy family we'd like for it to be. It takes a lot of guts and hardheadedness to stay the course. We strive for peace and understanding. But sometimes, you've got to roll up your sleeves and engage in battle with those that don't have scouting's best interest at heart.

 

Compassion for Moocher Mom, the LA Generals, et al? Okay. Let's lend some to the unit level scouters in this forum. The ones that rankle. That are curmudgeonly. Yes, they have some rough edges but they come by it honestly. How? Walk a mile in their shoes. Find a hard-luck troop in a rough neighborhood, or a pack with lots of in-fighting and drama in a nice neighborhood, and become the unit leader. Give it a year. You'll see that positivity is a good thing, but accountability ("blame assessment") and sharp, uncomfortable conversations are necessary leadership tools as well. Yes, I know the latter two are verboten in today's psychology 101. A darn shame, because the need for them hasn't gone away. If handled correctly, and promptly, they nip problems in the bud.

 

Thanks for all you do for scouting, and my best to you and yours this holiday season.

 

 

Thanks, Desertrat, for the kind words. As for the Grinchy bit, I understand.

[SSScout]

Pointing a finger at the source of a problem can be useful, or not... http://mcnyblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/who-stole-the-peoples-money1.jpg

Recognizing the problem as an actual problem, needs a lot of agreement among the folks involved. If agreement on the definition of the problem is not attained, nothing can be done. Often, the need is to first agree on the GOAL and then the problem becomes non- existent. If the GOAL is seen as different by different people, you are never going to have a happy group.

Such is Scouting. We have lots of GOALS (see all the handbooks and charts and such), and very often, as I read these threads, we find that the "problem" is one of not agreeing on the GOAL involved. The SM sees a different goal, the CC sees a different goal, the SPL sees a different goal for the Troop/Patrol/CO, etc. Finding agreement in GOAL takes conversation and communication. And , boy, do we have a lot of communication available to us, if only we can use it. Email, websites, blogs, TELEPHONES, (!), Roundtables..... the refusal to communicate (not read emails? Not attrend RTs? Not make the phonecalls?) is often, I feel, a root of many problems.

 

And then we have some who CHANGE the goals, just when we seem to be "getting it" , but that's another subject....

[desertrat77]

 

Problems often have human causes,

 

Finding what causes a problem may be the only way to solve the problem.

 

Treating people without respect is one of those human problems.

Refusing to be open to the experiences and judgment of others is one of those human problems.

Being so afraid of change that you are closed to the new is one of those human problems

 

 

Tahawk, well said...