Harassed by SM

[packsaddle]

I think a new SM is needed too. Hueymungus and TwoCubDad both have comments that reflect my views on this. The SM is not fit to be in a leadership position.

[GeorgiaMom]

Dear chagrined Chair, I had a similar experience when volunteering at church years ago. It is dehumanizing. I get it. He is married. You are married. You're a mom volunteering. He has no business whatsoever behaving so crudely toward you. As a parent, I also would not want this lech mentoring my son. Ick It's not a petty concern, even with the cor's heart attack. They are two separate issues. The co should appoint an interim cor. In the meantime, there must be someone with the co who can hear your concerns. It sounds like the whole troop is a mess. If you can, I would consider finding a different troop. It isn't your responsibility to fix all this by yourself, and it sounds like the other parents aren't willing to step up and help. Good luck, GeorgiaMom

[Chagrined Chair]

Scouters,

 

It has been over two years since my original post about inappropriate behavior by a SM, and I felt compelled to provide an epilogue for the record. Thank you to the members who provided feedback about the original post.

 

Prior to the COH 2014 that I referred to in my original post, I tried to contact the COR about finding a replacement and wanting to discuss the reason. At the COH, the SM unceremoniously announced my departure before without any conversation with me and was already working behind the scenes to recruit another CC. I was embarrassed and furious for myself and because it was certainly not something that should have been brought up at the COH, which should be focused on the scouts' achievements. I had not discussed the details of my experiences with other troop volunteers and parents.

 

The new CC was an excellent choice, because she had a proven record and ongoing significant leadership commitment to girl scouting. And her husband was actively involved in the troop and in the past with cub scouts.

 

Within 8 months, I heard that she was resigning. The new CC did not detail her reasons for resigning officially to the troop, but it was out of character given her reputation and commitment with the girl scouts and her son's and husband's involvement with the boy scouts. I reached out to her, asking if her resignation had to do with the SM's behavior. She confirmed that she too had issues with his behavior, both interpersonal (i.e. harassment) and with how he filled (or not) his role as SM.

 

My replacement CC and I filed separate complaints with the (new) council. I commend both the council and the chartering organization for taking our complaints seriously. All parties involved were "interrogated" by a "neutral" committee of scout adults.

 

I put neutral in quotes because anyone actively involved in scouting may know others actively involved in scouting. Based on my interview, the inclination by the council was to give this SM a pass. I believe that the SM responded in a way consistent with my and others' statements, damning himself in the process. Not only was there other evidence that he made inappropriate comments to other female parents and volunteers, the record showed that he consistently neglected the troop in general.

 

It turns out that the SM had some kind of agenda to make his homestead a boy scout camp, training other troops from other districts, but totally ignoring our troop except for eagle candidates. It explains why parents took over the planning of the trips with success, but the one trip the SM was in charge of got postponed to future dates, multiple times.

 

The SM was banned from scouting (or was he?). The ASM was made the SM. He was the one attending all the trips and interacting with all the scouts. He was trained under the former SM, but with a good sense of duty and good sense of humor. No kids of his own yet, but so patient with the kids who want to learn( and me trying to split wood.)

 

Why am I posting after two years? My son went to an eagle COH recently, and the former SM was acknowledged by several of the scouts that provided no leadership and know nothing abut the outdoors. Due to legal concerns, the former SM hasn't truly been called out. During the last part of the SM's tenure had more to do with the parents' determination than the scouts' because everybody knows that eagle scout would look good on college applications.

 

What really bothered me most were the big lies the SM told the scouts and the little lies he told to the parents and that some still believe. I can only hope that my actions will help set a new normal for both scouts and parents about values and honesty in the troop in the future.

 

[Beavah]

Yah, @@Chagrined Chair, thanks for comin' back to da forums to post a follow up.  So many people just go off and leave us wonderin' what happened.

 

I am glad to hear that the Scoutmaster was removed and added to the Ineligible Volunteer Files, so that he will never be a registered adult leader in the BSA again.   On behalf of Scouting, I'm grateful to you and the other CC for having the courage and fortitude to file complaints and see the matter through.

 

Though it's hard, I'd try not to let it trouble you that some of the boys choose to offer nice words for the departed Scoutmaster.  His boorish and harassing behavior is not likely something they know about or should know about, and even the worst of us humans sometimes does something good for other people.  Acknowledging that the former SM did something good for them shows character and kindness on their part.   Respect that for what it is; so many young people can be ungrateful and entitled, and these boys aren't.

 

You've done your part to clean up a bleeding sore on Scouting in your area.   You've set your troop on the path to great things ahead.  Take pride in that.

 

Scout Salute!

 

Beavah

[Alabama Scouter]

A good end to a bad story! Follow the program. It works!

Edited July 3, 2016 by Alabama Scouter

[Chagrined Chair]

Thank you to the previous posters for their kind words of support. There are so many details about the ordeal that I did not provide, but I will add the following for anyone who reads this post seeking to remedy a similarly serious conflict that involves contacting the council. In her disgust, the other CC officially tendered her resignation to the CO and council in such a way that she may have left herself legally vulnerable to lawsuits by the SM and outside the legal umbrella of the council and BSA. It is very unfortunate that the word lawsuit gets thrown about, but it does happen. If you have a legitimate complaint, help protect yourself by remaining a member in good standing and do not resign from the BSA.

 

Happy 4th of July to the Scouts and with special appreciation to all the adult volunteers who guide them!

Edited July 5, 2016 by Chagrined Chair