" You get what you need.."

[Eamonn]

I'm not sure if I really ever had a plan for what comes next.

 

For some time I have been upset with the state of how bad things are, as far scouts and scouting go in the area where I live.

 

I'm egotistical enough to think maybe even know that I am able to do a far better job then what I've witnessed over the past few years.

 

The problem has been and is that I have become very lazy and unwilling to find the time to do anything about it.

 

I think somewhere in the back of my mind I had this idea that when the time came, I'd retire and start over with my grandson.

 

 

 

Long term goals are nice. But goals that are dependent on the unknown and on people who are not party to the plan?

 

Have a nasty habit of just being dreams and remaining that way.

 

Problem one.

 

This goal entailed my son having a son.

 

At the time he showed little if any sign of wanting to settle down and while he did arrive with the odd girlfriend (Some were really more then odd!).

 

The chances of me hearing wedding bells? Were slim too none.

 

But this changed. He has found a very nice girl. Who the dogs love dearly and even has the approval of his Mother!!

 

I seen this as a wonderful sign and was making plans to grab this as yet unborn grandson and get him fitted out for his Cub Scout uniform.

 

 

 

For a while it looked like things were starting to work out.

 

Problem two.

 

Maybe I'm guilty of moving a little too fast?

 

I waited for the right time and made it known to my son that I hoped that he wasn't going to wait very long and I expected to hear the sound of a grandson as soon as possible.

 

The look of shock on his face!

 

You might have thought that I'd hit him on the head with a hammer.

 

He wasted no words in telling me that both him and his young lady had no plans for children and didn't want any kids.

 

The look of shock on my face?

 

You'd think that I'd been hit on the head with a hammer!

 

I explained to him that he was being selfish and that if things hadn't gone as they had. He was to have been one of at least four boys.

 

But the good Lord hadn't seen it that way.

 

Much as I tried, my guilt trip wasn't working.

 

Seems that my empty nest is going to remain that way.

 

 

 

One nice thing about plans that no one knows anything about is that you can go to "Plan B". And no one but you is any the wiser.

 

With little or no prospect of a grandson. I was forced to go back to the drawing board.

 

 

 

Thinking about returning to hands on working with Scouts again?

 

The first big and important question that needed an answer was Why?

 

I don't feel that I owe anyone anything.

 

Sure I'm grateful to the men who years back were willing to invest their time and their energy in me.

 

Scouts and Scouting has played a very important part in making me the person that I am today.

 

But owe?

 

No, I don't think so.

 

While it might be nice to have some reason that has meaning for the ages.

 

The truth is that I miss it.

 

I enjoy the young kids. Love seeing them have fun and taking on new challenges.

 

The idea that they are willing to allow me to see the world as they do. Is a gift. Be it the young Lad who dearly wants to please or the older Lad who is wrestling with understanding the ways of the world and who wants to be understood.

 

 

 

While I'm not always a very nice person and find some adults to be real pains.

 

I'm known for being likeable and for getting things done.

 

That's the good stuff.

 

The bad stuff?

 

I'm not as young, fit or adventurous as I used to be.

 

I'm not as willing to devote as much time as I did 30 years back.

 

The easy thing would of course be for me to find a Troop that is looking for a ASM.

 

But that darn ego gets in the way.

 

 

 

I think this plan is starting to take shape.

 

I'll update you and let you know how it goes.

 

Ea.

[Basementdweller]

Sorry to hear about your son's goals.

 

I am hearing this same thing from my coworkers. Their adult children don't want children. It mystifies me. I hope when my children are of an appropriate age they will gift me with grandchildren.

 

I hope you find a unit to your liking and headed the same direction, Remember the smaller less fortunate units in your search.

[Stosh]

I have 3 natural children, 4 step children and a whole ton of scouting children. My 3 and my wife's 4 are doing very well off. However, many of the boys in my scouting family come from broken homes, abusive homes, smothering homes, indifferent parent homes, etc. etc. etc. Not much more I can do with my own kids, but there's a ton of them out there that I can help. Been doing it for 40+ years. Never regretted a moment of it.

 

Maybe not rely so much on your son's goals, make some of your own and go after them. You're never too old to turn dreams into reality. I have a ton of adventures yet to get done before I wrap it up for good. I might not have my grandson along for the adventure, but I'm never alone. There's always some kid out there that would love the journey.

 

Stosh

[Tampa Turtle]

Me and Mrs Turtle waited a long time on starting a family and our parents thoughts on the matter were not much of a factor. We almost missed out and ended up adopting but I know what you mean it has been a much different journey then I thought.

 

I think it would be good to get involved in a Pack or Troop and get your "fix". I think I might do that when my boys cycle though which is less than 4 years away. I know our unit always needs guys willing to put on the brown shirt, I know I am not in shape for the first team but I like to think I make my difference. I get very frustrated working with the lads but when there is a payoff it is sweet indeed. Hang in there.

[packsaddle]

Two words, Eamonn: Cub Scouts. They're the cure for sure. Hey, I'm a poet and don't know it.

[RememberSchiff]

"Train 'em, trust 'em, let them lead" - applies to dads and sons as well as scoutmasters and scouts.

 

My $0.02

[King Ding Dong]

I was adamant about not having children. Give 99% effective enough years and kids happen. Turned out I liked it and wanted another one. You can make a big difference out there, parents are overworked and find it hard to put on a decent program. I think the best DL, CM, SM is I one without a scout in the program. It's only an hour a week.

[Basementdweller]

I was adamant about not having children. Give 99% effective enough years and kids happen. Turned out I liked it and wanted another one. You can make a big difference out there, parents are overworked and find it hard to put on a decent program. I think the best DL, CM, SM is I one without a scout in the program. It's only an hour a week.

the reason for that is they don't have a dog in the fight. They can be completely objective.

[DeanRx]

Ea. sorry your "ideal" doesn't line up with your son's / D-I-Ls plan for how life will shake out... but its theirs to lead, the more your push, the more pushback you are likely to encounter. Its not worth it. Fins a unit in need and volunteer some time. Maybe try something you haven't done in BSA before? Go get certified as a rangemaster and go out on weekends to the local council camp and rangemaster for the visiting units, etc...

 

As someone who was a CM for 5+ years and now cycling in for round two with my younger boy as a DL.... understand that just because the current CM / SM doesn't do it exactly the way YOU would do it, it doesn't mean they are doing wrong, just differently than you would. Ask what you can do to help and how they want it done. Most leaders would love to have expirienced hands on deck to carry out the "plan".

 

[King Ding Dong]

Realize your son has very little say in the matter. You need to work on the DIL. May I suggest working on a slide show of the best baby pic of Eamonn jr. Spring it on them after a great family dinner with a fire. Show her what a cute little Eamonn she could make. Give it time.

[christineka]

It's sadly the trend these days. Neither of my siblings want any children and they aren't having any. (The older one is getting a bit old for a first anyway.) My husband's older brother and wife thought they better acquire more money and schooling before having children. Sister in law came to visit us, when my 6th was a baby. She fell in love, begged, and so they tried and tried and tried, but she was over 40 then and babies don't come so easily the first time around at that age. They did eventually have a baby after a lot of money and failures. Maybe the couple will change their minds, but maybe they won't, like my siblings. My dad keeps on scouting without grandchildren in his troop. He enjoys himself. He does what he wants to do and no more. Old guys can do that.