Constantly complaining mom

[scoutmom]

I think Ed has the right idea, although his methods are a little rough around the edges. I would give her an Adult Leader application form, encourage her to fill it our and bring her ideas to the committee so that they can be heard and possibly acted on.

 

Whenever I encounter someone with complaints or problems, I ask them how they would solve the problem. WHen they tell me what I should do, I then turn it back on them and ask them to help out by doing what they just told me to do. It doesn't always work, but it often does. It also gets more parents involved and we end up with additional leaders and parents who mare fully understand the program.

[scouter659]

This email communication is really difficult because the human touch is so lacking. I really just wanted to let you know about our level of Training. I guess we don't have a level of experience of dealing something quite like this because in all of the years that I have been with the Troop no one had ever complained about the program like this and she does so quietly. Probably because she knows that she may be the only one who feels this way. To clarify further, we have not (yet) sent her a letter. It was her ex-husband who really had to go. I guess what I am impossibly trying to explain is in an otherwise very wonderful world.

Regarding the Scout alone in a tent, I appreciate that you are so well versed in these matters. It may be that we 'thought' we saw that somewhere but we still think there are safety issues involved so we just don't allow it. That is all beside the point.

I am not saying we are perfect. In fact I'm certain we are far from it but we have been able to successfully keep a constant number of boys in our Unit and have a larger than normal group of leaders all of whom feel like family. This is hard to explain but it just feels, for lack of a better term, mean-spirited. That's all I'm saying. We have a great time with a great Troop Junior Leader Training Course, a great Scout's Own at every campout, an emphasis on advancement for all and, like you and others, a desire to teach youth something they just can't get anywhere else.

Fortunately she doesn't complain in front of her son and, apparently doesn't appear to discuss the negatives. That may be why he continues to be a great kid who sure seems to be happy in our Troop.

Posting here though has been an interesting experience and I have very much appreciated the wide range of opinion.

Thank you

 

[Eagledad]

Hi All

 

>>I was just looking for someone with, possibly, a similar experience and, perhaps, some suggestions as what to do next.

[dan]

scouter659

Sounds like we may be involved with the same troop.

The one thing that really had me wondering is the troop correct or is the Mom, was this comment.

 

For example, if she happens to see some random moment she doesn't like an older boy making some off color comment to a younger Scout, she will go ahead and just speak to the Scout.

 

Where is the leadership when this is happening, if she was not to say anything would someone else? It does not sound like they would? I think any parent has the right to stop a scout from saying off color comments, if done is a scout like manner. But the SM should be informed by this parent what happened.

 

I look as my job is to train new leaders and parents about the AIMs and boy run, this is a huge job, but this is where I get myself into trouble, the training that is given, I believe, does not enforce the BSA program enough. It has been watered down to the lowest common denominator. Now this may be the council I am in, I am not sure, but I did not get the information that I needed from Scoutmaster Fundamentals.

 

We have this same Mom in the troop, her and I got into it over the no boy can sleep in a tent by themselves. I said that is just one of our silly unwritten troop rules, she just about blew a gasket, telling me how unsafe it was, I informed here that there are 2 boys 4 feet away on either side of his tent. At this time she just walked away. Some people are not trainable! And she just finished the Wood Badge course this fall.

 

Now is the troop trying to train this mom?

 

Are you still out there?

I got the feeling from your last post that you have checked out of this forum.

Have you already gotten the disease that many posters on this board have? The disease of: I know what I am doing, and no one can give me hints and ideas to help, after all I am highly trained?

The closed minded disease!

An open mind is a good thing.

dan

 

[scouter659]

Yes Dan, I am here and will certainly continue to keep checking this post until the responses are exhausted. I really have learned a few things here and do consider myself open-minded. I have decided that I am going to be patient. After all, knowing that she sits in the vast minority of opinions of the running of our Troop (actually sits alone) I think that if I stay prepared enough to respond to her suggestions respectfully in case I am harpooned by her again like at a parent meeting, I should be ok. No, I do not just feel that I am always right. The responses here really have tempered my feelings on this and my bottom line is to continue to deliver the best possible program to her son who, after all, is why we do what we do.

[NeilLup]

Hello Scouter659,

 

You're fortunate that in your time in Scouting you haven't seen this before. You're very fortunate that your Troop apparently operates as such a well oiled machine.

 

I will run the risk of having other posters call me an amateur psychologist.

 

You have a problem with this woman and the problem is called "agenda."

 

You indicated that she in a divorce situation. You indicated that former husband was an active Scouter, Wood Badge, trainer, etc. That right away can suggest that she will be finding fault with Scouting.

 

The risk is that she really isn't necessarily making complaints about things that have to do with Scouting. She rather is attempting to find a venue where she can exert some power and control and having her son involved may increase the "value" to her of having power and control in Scouting.

 

In person, over a suitable beverage, get me talking about the situation in a previous life where I had to handle a Scout leader accused of witchcraft. It was a messy divorce situation.

 

It was suggested that she may be right 10% of the time. ANYONE is right 10% of the time ( "XXXXX made the trains run on time.") You are neither required nor expected to be perfect. If you have reasonable rules reasonably enforced, then you should not be expected to cater to individualized parental complaints to be enforced on an ad hoc manner.

 

However, as I think about possible solutions, they are tough. If I am right, and this is a power agenda on her part, then you won't be able to satisfy her and all you will do is make things less fun for you and put sand in your gears. One possible answer would be to establish a formal procedure for parental complaints (absent safety matters, etc.) There would be one person to whom she would present complaints and that person would consider them, look into them and make a response. Her own personal ombudsman, if you wish. However, I'm not sure who would want that particular job.

 

The other thing to do is to invite her not to come so frequently. You risk losing her son this way, though. That's a tough choice, but remember that you are volunteers. You can't save every sick puppy and ultimately, if doing Scouting becomes a chore for your Troop leaders, everybody will suffer.

 

Talking to her might help, but if it is a power agenda item for her, then it is not a rational matter.

 

If I can come up with something else, I will post it. But don't let trying to satisfy this one person (which may, by definition, be impossible) make matters miserable for everybody else.