Pushed Eagle Scouts

[SM406]

I am just curious. Has anybody come across an adult Eagle Scout that laments that his parents pushed him to get his Eagle?

 

SM406

 

[Eamonn]

I had a really nice lad in the 2001 Jamboree Troop who is an Eagle Scout.

He said that he thought that no one had done him any favors by allowing him to become an Eagle Scout at 14.

His parents didn't push. He was in a troop that does.

He has moved to Maine and is in a crew having a great time.

Eamonn

[packsaddle]

Mine didn't push and I did it anyway. But I've met other adults whose parents didn't push and they didn't make it. And they have regrets.

[NeilLup]

I have never met anyone who regrets being pushed to earn the Eagle Scout award.

 

I have met people who have earned the Eagle to whom it doesn't seem to mean much. And I have met people who have earned the Eagle who didn't seem to understand the Scout Oath and Law.

 

I have met plenty of wonderful people and wonderful Scouters who had not earned the Eagle Scout award. Many of them regretted not earning it. But I'm not sure I ever met someone who wished they had been pushed to earn it.

[Rooster7]

I have met many adults who lamented that they did not earn the Eagle rank. Some of which, perhaps most of which, wished their parents had either "pushed them" harder, or at least had encouraged them more. I tend to agree with the implication of this thread. Yes, parents can push too hard. But many, don't push at all, and I'm not convinced that is a good thing. I push my kids to try their hardest in everything they do. I don't beat them up if they fall short of their goals, but I make them set goals and I encourage them to set them high.

[OldGreyEagle]

I wouldn't consider myself a "pushed Eagle", but then again my mother had subtle ways of doing things. After I made first class I remember her saying, gee those star pins they give the mothers sure would look good on my scarf. Then after the star pin was on her scarf, it was gee, those life pins they give the mothers sure would be a nice Christmas present, I wouldnt need anything else. Then it was, Well, now you are so close to Eagle, don't you think you can get it done? and I did.

 

Never regretted it, I wear the red, white, and blue knot with pride and in memorial to my mother, without whom I would not have done it.

[CharityAK]

I don't know any "pushed" Eagles, but my husband has often observed to me that not many kids make it in their chosen endeavors without parental support. I realize that isn't necessarily the same thing as being "pushed."

 

When I reflect back on the Eagles, valedictorians, black belts, MVPs, etc. I have known, almost all of them had involved supportive parents. My DH told me he used to think that was "cheating" (he did not have helpful parents) when he was a boy. That it wasn't fair that some parents helped their kids. Now, as a parent, he says he realizes that it's very difficult for a kid to make it without the cooperation of their parents.

 

Our troop currently has an Eagle candidate awaiting his BOR. It was very difficult for him to make it because he had so little parental support. If a kid doesn't have access to funds, how does he buy some of the supplies needed for the various merit badges? If he doesn't have a car, how does he drive to the bait shop to get worms for his Envi-Sci work? If his parents don't make his getting to scouts a priority, how does he attend regularly enough to rise to leadership?

 

I know many adults, now highly successful, who credit involved parents with one of the reasons they are where they are today. I know few people who had indifferent parents who are happy with where they are today.

 

Where that line is that separates being involved, supportive and appropriately nag-gy from being "pushy" and obnoxious... that's a bit of a gray area.

 

Charity

 

[Fat Old Guy]

"If a kid doesn't haveaccess to funds, how does he buy some of the supplies needed for the various merit badges? "

 

He gets a job, just like kids have done for decades when they want something.

 

"If he doesn't have a car, how does he drive to the bait shop to get worms for his Envi-Sci work?"

 

Walk, bike, bus.

 

"If his parents don't make his getting to scouts a priority, how does he attend regularly enough to rise to leadership?"

 

Ask someone to pick him up.

 

 

[Rooster7]

I agree that there is definitely a grey area. However, it seems like in Scouting, more so than anywhere else (sports, academics, choir, band, karate, etc.), when a parent is actively involved with his kids, people like to cheapen the boy's accomplishments by inferring that his parents did all the work. I think this kind of snide jealous attitude has no place in Scouting, but it seems be more prevalent in Scouting than else where. Given the goals and the nature of the program, I find that to be extremely ironic...Adults gossiping and doubting a boy's worthiness for an award associated with honor and character.(This message has been edited by Rooster7)

[CharityAK]

FOG - I agree with you. True scout spirit means being resourceful, showing initiative and a can-do spirit. I also think that a kid needs the support of his parents. And I think it is the obligation of a parent to help their kid be successful - not do it for them, but make sure the child is enabled and supported in their own efforts. I see parents as enablers (I mean that in the healthy sense of the word). Hate to invoke Bette Midler tripe...but that whole "wind beneath my wings" thing. Now, as your post implies, that doesn't excuse a kid who really wants to advance and doesn't have parental support. He can and should still find a way to secure the tools, resources, etc. he needs. But there aren't that many kids that motivated to fight against the odds and find ways around the many obstacles. The kid who succeeds despite parental indifference is an exceptional person and has my admiration and respect.

 

The kids I know who are not advancing in our troop (or being successful elsewhere for that matter) are kids whose parents aren't involved in the troop, involved at school, or have their heads in their kids lives in general. They are self-centeredly doing their own thing and the kids are left to fend for themselves. At the other extreme, pushy parents feeding their own egos at the expense of their children are just as selfish. It should be about the kids. At the extremes it's all about the parent.

 

Charity

[eagle90]

In three weeks I will be presenting the 24th eagle award since my tenure as SM began. Of those 24, I cannot honestly think of one who did not have the encouragement, support, and yes, sometimes a size ten in the rear end to motivate him. While it is nice to think the boys will do it all themselves, that is a dream world. In reality they all need some help. I know I would never have received my eagle 40 years ago this month (OMG!!)

without my parents encouragement and a little push now and then.

[NeilLup]

I think that all of us who were at one time or another children were able to tell what topics our parent or parents cared about and which they did not.

 

When he came home from work, my Dad would ask me about how math had gone. He didn't ask me about history. He made flash cards for math. He didn't for religion.

 

So the first way that a parent can influence the Scouting of their children is this simple matter of interest or non-interest. They can ask what happened. They can be a bit conversant with requirements, etc.

 

Then, there is the matter of support. At the time I earned Second Class Scout, one had to take one 5 mile hike. Our Troop didn't have one planned but the requirements said you could take one with your parent. So I asked my dad if he would go with me. He was happy to. As a result, I earned my Second Class Scout about 4 months before most of the other boys who joined with me.

 

But then, there is the matter of pushing. In the case above, if my dad had read the requirements and said "I've read the Second Class Scout requirements and I understand that you need only to take a 5 mile hike to be ready for Second Class. I have planned for us to do that at 10AM on Saturday. I expect you to be ready then" it might be pushing.

 

On another list, I posted some of the things that I look for in identifying a merit badge mill and an Eagle mill. One of them is parents referring to "our merit badges" and "our Eagle."

[JimmyD]

I was pushed by everyone Parents, SMs,ASMs, Committee and my WB leader who i servered as Den Chief for, for 7 years also. So yes i think it is needed. When i got board of review couple weeks ago my troop has had 38 eagle scouts (including me after i get verafication from national) that were all psuhed. We had one eagle scout couple years back 16 years old only a tenderfoot and he made it. He was pushed but we got him too it.

[Eamonn]

Not to get off topic.

I am a Queens Scout.

Back in the day, when I was a youth in UK Scouting you earned the chief Scouts Award as a Scout and could only work for the Queens Scout as a Venture Scout.

You couldn't be a Venture Scout until you were 16.

My parents were never really into Scouting. They were fairly well off and helped to pay for a lot of the activities and equipment.

Most of my friends had quit Scouting by the time I was in Venturing. We were left with a hardcore "Gang" of really great guys.

We tended to do a lot things together.

As we aged and discovered females we stuck it out. In fact I was best man at two Venture Scout weddings.

All this led to a lot of peer pressure.

There was no way that we were going to allow another menber get ahead unless of course it was me.

Eamonn

[captainron14]

I think there is a BIG difference between

A.pushed (supported/encouraged)and B.pushed (forced/harrassed/done by proxy)

I think all Eagles were pushed(A)by there Parents. Though some were pushed (B). Most of those (B) did not do it themselves. They did not truly earn the rank. They are "Paper Eagles". (See another Thread by that name)

For the ones in the first catagory (A) BSA has made available the "Mothers Pins" to show our gratitude to the one who helped out the most (or pushed (A)).