Old Political Satire

[skeptic]

My grandfather was a life long republican and pretty straight laced; so this piece I found in his old papers was interesting, as well as amusing.

 

 

Dear Mr. Anthony:

 

I am a sailor in the United States Navy, and I also have a cousin who is a Democrat. My father has epilepsy and my mother has syphilis, so neither of them works. They are totally dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Louisville, because my only brother is serving a life term in prison for rape and murder.

 

I am in love with a streetwalker who operates near our base. She knows nothing of my family background but says that she loves me. We intend to get married as soon as she settles her bigamy case, which is now in court. When I get out of the Navy we intend to move to Detroit and open a small house.

 

My problem, Mr. Anthony, is this: In view of the fact that I intend to make this girl my wife and bring her into my family, should I, or should I not, tell her about my cousin who is a Democrat?

 

G. Whizz

 

[RememberSchiff]

In 1904, Republican presidential candidate Theodore Roosevelt was addressing a rally when he was interrupted by a drunk who yelled, I am a Democrat! When Roosevelt asked why, the man replied, Because my grandfather was a Democrat and my father was a Democrat.

 

Mr. Roosevelt patiently nodded and said to the man, Let me ask you, sir. If your grandfather had been a jackass and your father had been a jackass, what would you be?

 

A Republican! the drunk shot back.

 

[Tampa Turtle]

Man that is an old joke. My minister told that one but it was Methodists and Baptists.

[Fehler]

Any joke where Teddy Roosevelt isn't identified as the drunk is suspect.

 

How do you keep a Mormon Senator from getting a DUI? Invite a second Mormon to the party.

[Twocubdad]

The election is over

The results are known,

The will of the people

Has clearly been shown.

 

So put differences behind us

Let recriminations pass,

I'll hug your Republican elephant

And you can kiss my Democratic ass!

 

 

(My little old lady aunt sends me this every four year.)

[RememberSchiff]

Maybe that is why I like working with youngsters. My (stolen) old jokes are new to them. Now if they would only laugh.

 

Besides, I felt the need to counter-balance skeptic's joke on Democrats.

 

My $0.01

 

 

[skeptic]

Here is the second part of the sheet of paper I found.

 

Dear Fellow Citizen:

 

I have the pleasure of being a member of a committee to raise fifty billion dollars to be used for placing a statue of Truman in the "Hall of

Fame" in Washington D. C.

 

We have not decided not to tease it by placing it next to Washington - who never told a lie, nor next to Lincoln, who was known as Honest Abe. It should not, either, be put next to Thomas Jefferson who served a third term. The committee was in quite a quibble. But after much and careful deliberation we decided to put it next to Columbus who didn't know where he was going; did not know where he was when he got there; didn't know where he had been when he returned; and did it all on borrowed money.

The manuscript to be put on the Statue will read; "I pledge allegiance to Harry S. Truman, and to the independence for which he stands, one man indispensable, with corruption for all".

Five thousand years ago Moses said, "Pick up thy shovel, mount the ass and camel, and I will take you to the Promised Land". Five thousand years later Truman said, "Lay down thy shovel, sit on your ass, light up a Camel, because this is the Promised Land.

If you are one of those who have any money left after taxes have been paid, we will expect a liberal contribution from you immediately.

 

Yours truly,

 

[SSScout]

 

Goes to show there are no such thing as a new joke. Only updated ones.

 

When I first heard the "heckling" joke, it was Abraham Lincoln. (Reps and Dems reversed) And no, I was not in that audience. I have no doubt that Kufu and Imhotep were mentioned previously, only the heckler would've been dealt with without humor.

 

As for the Truman camel-ass-shovel reference, the first time I heard that one, it was FDR being given the Biblical comparasion. And no, again, I was not in the original audience.

 

Heard about the priest, rabbi, G.W.Bush and Boy Scout in the crashing airplane?

[pchadbo]

"Heard about the priest, rabbi, G.W.Bush and Boy Scout in the crashing airplane?"

 

Nope but I heard about Jimmy Carter stealing a Boy Scout's backpack. . .

[pchadbo]

and Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton, and George HW Bush, and Nixon, and Obama, and. . .