Cub or Scout just shows up your door...what to do?

[Laurie]

My son answered the door to a boy who just showed up looking for me. He's a newly registered Cub, registered by a neighbor of his, not even his family, so his family does not know me. I asked my son to please tell him I'm unable to answer the door (the truth), and to ask him if he'd like to leave a message. He did not. He was accompanied by a Boy Scout, and I do not know his family either. It's easy enough to learn where I live because of my boys, but I practice the idea of two-deep leadership outside the meeting place too. This made me distinctly uncomfortable as I don't think the boys should come to my home. Am I wrong? How should I handle that? TIA!

[Bob White]

I'm confused, how could he be registered by his neighbor? It takes the parent's signature and the Cubmaster's? Wasn't his parents told by the Cubmaster what den he was in and when they met?

 

BW(This message has been edited by Bob White)

[Laurie]

We sent an application home with him, telling him that he and his parents should bring it back with the fee. Instead, he came back to the meeting, with a completed app signed by a parent, and with the neighbor, who then paid his fee since he forgot it. It is odd to begin with. He was told which den, has been to that den, knows that leader, though the parents have never been met by anyone. I've no objection to his parents calling me if there is a concern, but first, I'm not his den leader (and I'd refer them to him), and second, I won't welcome a Cub to my home without his parent.

[KoreaScouter]

There's something rotten in Denmark; this is not normal boy behavior. Talk to his DL and find out more about the family situation. You may be backing unwittingly, and unavoidably, into a mandatory-reporting situation.

 

KS

[NJCubScouter]

Laurie, based on your first post I was confused also, as to whether this was a registration issue or a youth protection issue, or both. Now that I have returned to respond, your second post clears up part of it. You (or whoever handles registration for your pack) were given a completed and signed application and the required fee, and I assume it was relayed to council in order to register the boy. The identity of the person who actually paid the fee is irrelevant. The parents signed the form. (You say he has been to a den meeting "though the parents have not been met by anyone." Does that mean he walked to and from the meeting? If you literally mean that nobody in the pack or den has ever even seen or spoken to either of the boy's parents, I personally think I would ask the den leader to call the parents "just to say hello," make sure they understand the schedule, would it be possible they could bring the cookies and juice to the meeting on (insert date here), that sort of thing. After all the den leader is going to have to deal with the parents all the time, he or she might as well make sure they exist.)

 

From a youth protection standpoint, I applaud your desire to "err" on the side of following the rules, but I have to tell you that I think this situation illustrates the difference between the "two-deep leadership" rule and the "no one on one" rule. I think you are allowed to answer the door of your home and speak to someone who is there, whether it be an adult or child, regardless of the subject of their visit. You are not exercising "leadership" and there is no Scouting activity taking place. You are exercising control over your home.

 

Now before anyone gets all alarmed, I do NOT mean that you should invite a boy who is all by himself into your home and close the door, and by the way I think that these days, as a homeowner, I would extend that to any adult-child interaction whether Scouting is involved or not. I don't invite the paperboy in the house when he comes to collect, either. So in other words I am applying no-one-on-one here, but I do not think two-deep "leadership" applies.

 

I do think you could have spoken with this boy in the doorway or outside without having him actually come into your home. (I understand this would be a problem in the middle of the winter or during a rainstorm.) Or, since he actually did have another boy with him, even standing right inside the door with the door open might be ok. If it sounds like I am being too legalistic, I am actually just trying to apply common sense, while allowing you to ask the boys what they want and try to give them an answer. I'm guessing it would be a short conversation, in which your answer would be to tell the boys to have their parents call the appropriate leader.

[Fat Old Guy]

I wish that you had spoken with him so you'd know what he wanted. Cub Scout aged boys are known to do some strange things. Not too long ago, a child that I didn't know knocked on my door and asked if I could fix his bike. I could, so I did.

 

Perhaps Mom had said, "ask your Cubmaster . . ." so Junior thought that he needed to do it immediately.

 

Perhaps he needed help and was turning to you.

 

We may never know.

[Laurie]

I truly couldn't come to the door when he arrived. I did some looking into this--wasn't prepared to let it drop altogether. He was looking for money for an x-box. He asked my older son for some too. Um, no.

 

The point remains though. What to do with a Cub who shows up at the door? There is the concern that noone, not even the den leader or the neighbor who brings the boy to meetings, knows the parents. Would it be appropriate to invite the parent(s) to a meeting to re-register their son? It is time for him to do so, and it seems a reasonable request, but is it necessary?

 

FOG, you bring up an excellent point. How am I to be available but responsible?

 

NJ, thank you for clarifying two-deep and one-on-one. My lack of training (I've had the on-line stuff but that's it) is showing.

 

To all, thank you. I could help a boy outside, weather permitting and if the baby were cooperating, and I feel like a heel now that I've read your post, FOG. But I've been there, done that, and have had some parents show resentment (their kids came to me for help & it was not related to scouts). It isn't easy to help out these days, and in the den/pack setting, it's "safe", but outside of that, it's a little unsettling.

[Fat Old Guy]

" He was looking for money for an x-box. He asked my older son for some too."

 

Shows initiative. :-) I'd love to know what prompted him to come to you for money. You didn't happen to say, "If you ever need help, don't be afraid to ask."?

 

[dsteele]

Speaking as a member of what used to be called a "childless couple," (my faultn not hers) I'm a bit leary of the fact that no one seems to know the parents. Doesn't mean anything's going on or not going on, but something is triggering my "spidey sense."

 

I see nothing wrong with talking to children in plain sight outside one's door.

 

I do see something wrong with a Cub Scout and Boy Scout soliciting funds with nothing in return to buy an x-box.

 

As has been said before in this thread . . . something is fishy.

 

DS

 

PS -- I don't think it's child abuse, but it may be adult abuse.

[Fat Old Guy]

"Speaking as a member of what used to be called a childless couple

 

What are they called now?

[dan]

DINKS

 

Double Income No Kids.

 

Dsteele not saying that you are a dink! Not even sure if your wife works! Not sure if a Scouters salary would be considered income!

 

[dsteele]

Dan:

 

We're definately DINKS. I'm not a DE anymore, so I almost have an income

 

While our inability (the fault is mine) to have children saddened us 10 years ago, we've learned that I'm kid enough for my wife -- handling me is enough burden for her, poor thing. And I've learned that I can have all the gizmos and toys I want and still manage to pay the bills and invest in our retirement so I can open the quilt shop I want to open in 25 or so years.

 

Life is good.

 

DS

[CharityAK]

Something about this boy's behavior really concerns me. Hate to be guilty of psychobabble, but he doesn't seem to have a normal understanding of appropriate personal boundaries (asking for money for a personal item from a minor acquaintance). That combined with what appears to be the lack of parental involvement makes him an easy target for predators. I think I'd try to learn more about him and try to initiate an acquaintance with his parents. Something doesn't sound right.

 

Charity

[Laurie]

Actually, I'm not through with this. At a den meeting, with the den leader's permission, I'll follow up on this. Yes, something is off, and I also don't think I'm getting the whole story. What I'd like to do is ask him what he wanted to speak to me about and how his "fundraiser" is going. He'll then know that I *did* get a message that he was there. The observations made about this boy in the short time he's been involved are that he appears slow, isn't very skilled in social graces, lacks supervision, lacks support. He's also a really big kid, and his best friend, who invited him along, isn't very nice to him. It's truly a sad thing from all appearances, and I still feed I need to use caution, but I also appreciate your direction here. I'm beginning to see the opportunity--thanks for that. Please wish us well. The one thing I love best about our group of leaders is that they--and I--all sincerely care about our boys. If this is adult abuse as Dave put it, that's ok. I can handle that. If it's a kid in need of support who has a parent giving signed permission to the pack for him to continue to attend, he'll have a ton of support. It also seems we are all in agreement that it would be a good thing to meet the parent(s). We'll see what we can do--a phone call to invite them seems the right thing at this time. Thanks again!(This message has been edited by Laurie)