Problems with Dad

[Scoutmaster Ron]

We have been approached by a Dad (was a prior eagle in our troop) that is interested in having his on cross-over into our troop but made the statement " I will sleep in the same tent as my son on campouts"

I have check in the G2SS and have found that he is within his rights to do so under "Adult Requirements for Trips and Outings" Item 6 "When staying in tents, no youth will stay in the ten of an adult other than his or her parent of guardian"

Any ideas on how to disway him?

[OldGreyEagle]

I slept in the same tent as my son til he was way past first class, did the Dad, give any reason ?

[OldGreyEagle]

I slept in the same tent as my son til he was way past first class,

 

Our Senior Patrol Leader always sleeps in the same tent as his father.

 

did the Dad, give any reason?

[dsteele]

Dad is within his rights and it is within the policies of the BSA, but I can see why you might have some philosophical difficulty with it.

 

I think that sonny-boy will eventually develop friendships and the independance to tell Dad he wants to tent with his buddy. Until that happens, however, there's not a great deal you can or should do.

 

Assuming the Dad and Mom are together and have full custody (not a safe assumption in today's world, I'm afraid, but that's a different topic) you are only supplementing the boy's upbringing. Trying to assert independance for the boy as a Scoutmaster is treading down a path that can only lead to trouble.

 

As the Scout progresses, I beleive that his father will as well. Also, I remember tenting with my Dad my first year at summer camp. It was really cool. The second year, I didn't even allow him in the area of my tent -- and I have a really cool old man!

 

DS

[NJCubScouter]

This does not necessarily sound like a "problem." I personally think it MAY become a problem if dad and/or don't decide after a few campouts that the best place for the son is in a tent with another boy(s). When I think back on my Scouting experience, I was in tents with other boys from the beginning. I seem to recall a few times in a tent with my father but no consistent pattern. I also seem to recall that after the age of 15 or 16 I generally stayed in a small tent by myself except at summer camp.

 

I would be curious as to whether this father and son went on Cub Scout campouts. My son and I tented together twice a year from his Wolf year through the fall of Webelos II. After crossing over I decided he was ready to tent with other boys, though I was (and still am) just a bit concerned because he is in my opinion overly jealous of his privacy, shall we say. Due to circumstances he has not actually stayed in a tent with other Scouts yet. At his only Boy Scout campout during the spring, he stayed in a tent with me because he was the "odd man out" in the younger-boy tent. At summer camp, he was again "odd man out" which he thought was great because he had a 2-cot tent all to himself. But I was not there at all, so his first night of camping ever without me was followed by five more nights, in a row. And he survived, probably better than his slightly anxious parents at home.

[Twocubdad]

I don't think you should draw a line in the sand and tell the day he can't tent with his son, but I would have a conversation at to why you don't think it's a good idea.

 

We had a similar problem at Webelos Resident camp this summer. I had nine moms and dad and 18 boys. The first night out, a couple boys tented with their parent, but I think in both cases the boys' tentmates were arriving the late and the Scouts didn't want to sleep by themselves (fair enough).

 

The second night, however, after lights-out my own son came to me and wanted me to tent with him because his tentmate had bugged out on him, moving in with his dad. After checking around, I realized that most of the Scouts with a parent in camp were tenting with their parent, having left their tentmates alone. I realize that a tent to yourself may be a prize perque for older Scouts, but them spiders can get awfully big when you tenting by yourself for the firt time and only nine years old.

 

The next morning I called a leaders' meeting at which I explained to the parents that I was concerned that we may be creating problems with the boys who were left to tent alone. I also reminded them that a prime purpose of Webelos camp was to prepare the boys for Boy Scout camp next summer. While I didn't insist, I strongly suggested that they try to get their boys back in the tents with their buddies that night. To my knowledge they all did.

 

 

[frank10]

Ron,

Does your troop use patrol sites? If so, explain to the father that he would be imposing himself on the entire patrol by either staying in their site or by pulling his son out of it.

[ASM7]

It could be a bed-wetting problem and wants to protect his son from embarassment. You may ask the father in private.

[CharityAK]

Did he give his reasons? I can think of some that might give instant insight in the situation.

 

-concerns about predation (a Boy Scout in our neighborhood is currently doing 2 years in jail for molestation - it happens)

 

-a bedwetting issue or night terrors or something else that the father might be protecting his son from embarrassment

 

Charity

[Bob White]

Talk to dad in confidence. There could be any number of reasons for his comment. If there are no privacy reasons for him to tent with his son, explain the benefits of his son tenting with another patrol member. Ask him for his help in integrating his son into the patrol as quickly as possible.

 

Bob White(This message has been edited by Bob White)

[SR540Beaver]

This thread reminds me of our numerous andextensive discussions of scouters "needing" to know a scouts medical history. The bottom line being it is private informatin which the scouter is not entitled to. I see this in the same vein. Sure, you can ask the dad confidentially why he wants to tent with his son. You can also ask confidentially if the scout has any sort of medical condition. BSA says the medical condition is private and none of your business unless you choose to disclose it. I think asking the dad why he and his son should tent together borders on the same restriction. The BSA allows a boy to tent with his parent, leave it at that. If it is just a boogey man factor, it will pass with time.

[Scoutmaster Ron]

Tks for all the advice. We use patrol sites seperate from the adults which would probably be the only suggestion I can make for him not to sleep in the same tent. Granted it may be a personal/medical issue. Once his son gets with his patrol and he feels comfortable I think Dad will be bunking with the other adults and playing dominos.

[dancinfox]

Ron,

I wouldn't sweat it. Once dad finds out that his son is like all the other scouts, messy, he'll either tent on his own or with another adult.

Dancin

[johnsned]

SM Ron,

 

I wouldn't make an issue of this, maybe subtitle hints or suggestions, but he is after all the boys Dad and that trumps Scoutmasters, Patrols etc. The father may not think that he needs to explain his reasons to anyone, which I don't think he does.

 

In another forum "Pet Peeves" someone brought up that parents that think BSA means "Baby Sitters of America" was there pet peeve, well this father is doing his job.

 

If the father doesn't display any controlling or intimidation to his son during the rest of the outing I think you have a good Dad, doing his job. As someone stated, soon enough and probably at the right time the boy will start to exert his independence and the dad will join you at dominos, until then I'd leave it alone.

 

Fathers know best...

 

[Scoutmaster Ron]

johnsed...I agree with what you are saying..The dad is well within his rights to sleep in the same tent as his son and of course I'm ok with that I will also just need to make sure that their is no interference with the SPL or with the program in general.