potential sticky situation

[Adventurous Dancer]

I am a 26 year old male venture crew adviser with a co-ed crew. Currently, the crew consists solely of high school students. The potential sticky situation that I referenced in the topic title is that some of the girls in the crew seem to have taken an unhealthy interest in me, to such an obvious extent that a buddy of mine who was on his first trip with the crew recently brought it up on the way back from the trip. I attempt to subtly discourage them, but that doesn't seem to be making a difference. Am I being paranoid, am I reacting just right, or should I make it abundantly clear that their affections are inappropriate?

[emb021]

I do hope you have a female advisor along with you on trips and events.

 

It may be a good idea to have her speak to your female venturers about appropriate behavior. If you buddy is noticing this, others might as well, which may cause problems for you down the road.

 

 

btw, its 'venturing crew'.

 

[Buffalo Skipper]

Sure it is sticky, and certainly you should be paranoid. It is something which you need to handle with both authority and care.

 

Get from your district Venture trainer, the DVD which covers Acquantience Rape, Youth Protection, (and 2 other topics I cannot recall the name of off the top of my head--I have the video at home and I will look it up and post it back here when I find it...). Familiarize yourself with the material, show it to your crew, and have an open discussion about the topics. Ensure that they understand the relationship between advisor and crew member. No need to be overt about this aspect, but present it all. And make it an open discussion and involve everyone.

 

I have actually considered delivering this to my troop's venture patrol. Not the same program (patrol vs crew) but the relevance is the same as are the age groups (though not the circumstances of your situation).

[Adventurous Dancer]

Both are good suggestions. I believe it may be prudent to try the YP video first for the whole crew, since that should probably be done anyway. We do have a female adviser on all of our trips, but it is an ever-changing roster (a couple per year), as we have not managed to nail down a permanent female adviser, yet. As such, our girls don't have time to get to know a female adviser. We have just started a new school year, with two new advisers, so hopefully, we will get to the point where at least one (if not both) could talk to the girls if method #1 doesn't appear to work.

[Bob White]

This is not unusual behaviour in teens. What is important is that you behavior is not intentionally inviting this attention and that you realize that you need to act in a mature and responsible adult fashion at all times with each member.

 

Follow the Adult Responsibility rules in the BSA and you and the young women in the crew can have a safe and appropriate scouting experience.

 

 

[RangerT]

The youth protection video is also on line through the BSA website, you can also be certified in Venturing YP at the same time. Remember take the YP for Venturing which is very different from the regular YP. emb 21 gave some sound advice about your female associate advisor talking to the girls, it will have more effect than coming direct from you. You can also create a similiar scenario when you do ethical controversies with your crew, you may be surprised the answers they will come up with.

[emb021]

The youth protection training intended for Venturers (and all older youth) is NOT online. Do not mistake the training intended for adults with the training intended for youth.

 

You should have been introduced to the YPT for Venturers when you went thru Venturing Leader Specific Training. (you have taken this course, right?)

 

The on-line training is the generic youth protection training for all scout leaders, and another one specifically for Venturing adults. You should have done both, and you need to retake this every couple of years. (this is one thru the BSA's on-line learning center).

 

The training for youth is called: Youth Protection: Personal Safety Awareness (AV-09V027), and is now available on DVD. It was updated recently, and now consists of 4 sessions. They are sexual harrassement, acquaintence rape, internet safety, and teen suicide.

 

The DVD comes with a discussion guide (you show the video, stop, have some discussion, play some more, discuse, etc). This video, depending on how your membership changes, should be shown to the kids about once a year.

 

You should be able to borrow a copy from your council office. Make sure its the updated version with 4 scenarios, not the older one with 3. And be sure you get the accompanying discussion guide!

 

 

 

 

[Buffalo Skipper]

The DVD I was referring to is "Personal Safety Awareness for Venturing." It contains segments on Acquaintance Rape, Peer Sexual Harassment, Internet Safety and Pornography, and Suicide and Depression. It is a powerful tool to use with teens.

[Bob White]

Adventurous,

I am a little surprised over all the instructions to bring in the training on aquaintance rape and Personal Sfety training etc etc.

 

None of thses things apply to your situation. Don't misunderstand me all leaders should take Youth Protection Trainig and youth memnbers should see the protection training for their appropriate age group at lleast once a year.

 

But for a teenager to form a crush on an adult is not new, its not unnatuaral , and it certainly is not ilegal or immoral. It's a part of growing up for many people.

 

The inportantthing here is tat you understand that to return that attention or to invite that attention would be improper and could easily become immoral or illegal if you do not keep a clear head and follow the BSA rules.

 

The first step, and this is even discussed in the BSA Youth Protection Training, is that if a scout should say or do something that makes you uncomfortable is to tell them. You do not need to be angry or mean about, but be serious. Simply tell them that their words or actions make you uncomfortable and that they need top stop.

 

If you have followed the rules and not done anything inapproprite at this point then yo have done nothing wrong. And unless the female scoputs hve said or done anything inappropriate to you then they have done nothing wrong either.

 

A good leader understands the characteristics of youth they serve at the age and stage of development that they are in.

 

 

[John-in-KC]

Gotta agree: Your risk of exposure is an accusation of harrassment from a youth member, or an accusation of acquaintance rape from a youth member.

 

I'd schedule a meeting with the Crew to work Venturing YP. You and a female associate advisor walk them through the process.

 

I'd also reserve some time for myself as part of that meeting. Do you have a bride, fiancee`, or someone who is serious in your life? Bring her along. Introduce her. If you are spoken for, help the youth members understand that. Further, help them to understand that in Scouting, there's a bright line between youth member relationships and adult relationships.

 

Please, keep us in the loop on this.

[scoutldr]

While it may not be a requirement, I would insist on another adult (preferably at least one female adult) present whenever youth are present. Two deep, all the time. This is a little more conservative than the "no one on one" rule, but if YOU are concerned about it, then this will help dispel any perception of impropriety.

[Crew21_Adv]

Adventurous,

 

 

Greetings!

 

While my "young and handsome" years a a few decades ago. My own story, I was not a Boy Scout, but an Explorer in my teen age years. I thoroughly enjoyed Explorers when I was a teen. When had about a 50/50 mixture of teenaged and college young adult girls and boys.

 

We did have a few (young adult men) former Explorers and former Scouts return to the Post as Advisors after a few years. But the Post Advisor would counsel them on potential interest by the teenaged Explorer girls. The Post Advisor expected this may occur on occasion and the new associate Advisors would behave appropriately as well.

 

Myself after becoming and adult and moving, I could not find any Explorer Post in my neighborhood. Eventually, I was invited to become an ASM (for recreation, Scout skill games and to be a 2nd adult) at the nearby troop. It was a hoot! A young man two years, younger than me was asking if I wanted a cup of coffee. However, if Explorers were present, I would have returned as a young Explorer Advisor in my early - mid twenties.

 

So.. At my age now.. My Venturing teenage girls (and boys) roll their eyes, when I change the Advisors Minute to the "Grin and Bear It" from the back of the Boys Life magazine. My handsome years are long gone, and now I am a slightly gray haired, slightly wrinkled, very corny (but still fun) old adult.

 

While our Venturers don't think adults my age are perceptive to their current "real world", my fellow Advisors try to give them some space while being observant to their group behavior, teamwork, discipline, and dynamics. The parents and Advisors are quiet observant, even though we may appear to be old, corny, and sometimes need glasses and hearing aids.

 

Regarding older Venturers and young Advisors. We have also had a couple of college aged Venturing youth, which are engaged to each other. Recently one of the Venturers (the boyfriend) has changed from a Venturing youth to a Venturing Advisor. He (and his fiance Venturer) understand their expected behavior in front of the entire Crew and other youth. Away from Venturing and Scout event, they may sit together on their parents' couch, holding hands, watching movies, going on dates, etc. But when it is Venturing time, they behave as Venturer and Advisor.

 

In addition to our adults conducting YPT and the youth attending Officer Briefing and their youth protection. Our Venturing Crew has written and administer their own bylaws. Their basic bylaws are very short, it falls on one sheet of paper. But they self regulate their behavior and public displays of affection. They understand that inappropriate behavior and affection may make other Venturers feel uncomfortable.

 

My Venturers understand that personal relationships between teenagers, and rarely between 19 and 21 y/o young adults may occur. But they also have agreed to abide by their own by-laws and self regulate their behavior.

 

Regarding your situation. Yes, you are reacting correctly. As you stated, You should discourage them from taking an interest in you.

 

Their parents (probably corny and closer to my age), may be perceptive of this also. So the young female Venturers in your Crew may be quickly removed by their parents if they continue with their behavior.

 

My advice. Similar to our other forum members, I also recommend that your Crew refresh themselves with YPT for the adults and youth. Your Crew should also create or review their own bylaws. If the Venturers take ownership in their own bylaws, maybe your Venturing Crew will self regulate a little more. Such as, they may discuss what behavior (or discussions) would be appropriate and what behavior would become inappropriate.

 

With your (and the Crew Committee's) guidance, their bylaws may read nearly exact to YP, G2SS and other national literature. If they negotiate and create their own standards, not a set that was written by national BSA, they may appreciate their bylaws more. Their behavior and discussions should align themselves with what is expected by the Advisors, Crew Committee and their parents.

 

While there may be interest (which happens between older teens and young adults). The unhealthy interest and inappropriate discussions should diminish.

 

Good Luck!

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21 Adv

[Trevorum]

John's caution is well founded.

 

Back when I was a grad student, I spent a weekend visiting a summer field project that was being headed by a 27 year old assistant professor. The field crew were all undergraduate coeds and the living arrangements for the summer were a 3 bdr rental house in a remote rural location. There was no other adult present. At the time, I marveled at his good fortune, being surrounded day and night by all those atractive and flirtaceous girls. However, the summer ended in disaster. He was accused of innapropriate behavior by one of the coeds and was ultimately fired by the university. He never taught college again and eventually left the discipline entirely. That was a powerful lesson for me and I have been careful to never let myself be in a situation where an unfounded accusation could ruin my career.

 

The lesson is immediate for Adventurous Dancer, and for ALL Venturing Crew Leaders.

[shortridge]

You're reacting just right.

 

I had adult-style YP training first hammered into me at age 13 - my first year as a summer camp CIT. The basic principle is that you don't let yourself get in a sticky situation. It's your responsibility to stay aware and keep thinking.