Is honesty the best policy?

[Eamonn]

Talking with my son the other day he said that one of the members of the Ship had mentioned that he loved the story I had told about smoking pot. In fact he is thinking of retelling it at his Eagle Scout COH.

I don't as a rule bring up things I'm not proud of, but a few of the older Sea Scouts were talking about drug use and I was asked if I'd ever taken any drugs?

I explained that I felt very lucky that I hadn't got into that sort of thing, especially seeing that I was a kid growing up in the big city during the 60's and 70's, but I had once after a school play gone to the party we had after the final performance and there was marijuana. It was like a over-sized hand rolled cigarette, I took one drag, bust into a fit of coughing and never tried it again.

I went on to say that I'd seen a lot of good friends ruin their life because of drugs and booze.

I'm sure the idea of me being young?? And smoking a joint must have conjured up some strange and funny ideas. But I wasn't trying to be funny. I didn't in any way want to glorify or condone any sort of drug use.

I suppose I could have lied?

But I'm not sure that is the best thing.

It's really hard not to give an answer when you are asked a direct question.

What would you have done?

Eamonn.

[John-in-KC]

Your personal integrity can never be open to negotiation. Once it is, the game is over.

 

You did the right thing.

[Herms]

I whole-heartly agree with John. You had a greater impact on the boys by showing your personal integrity and telling the truth, that you would have if you would have lied.

 

You did right Eamonn!

 

Trustworthy - A Scout tells the truth. He is honest, and he keeps his promises. People can depend on him.

[jr56]

You were right, always be honest. I feel that honesty always has the greatest impact on youth. Especially if you are strong enough to admit that you're not perfect, and you have made mistakes too.

[Trevorum]

I've been in the same situation as you and I made the same choice as you, Eamonn. I'm not perfect - I admit my mistakes and my sons respect me for it.

 

Yes, honesty is always the best policy.

 

(well, except when your wife asks you, "Does this make me look fat?")

[Oak Tree]

Eamonn,

 

I think you definitely did the right thing. Honesty gains trust and respect.

 

The only other solution I'd agree with would be not to answer the question. In this particular case, I don't see how much harm could come from it (barring some parent who's a little bit uptight about such things), but I can imagine other questions where you'd really rather not answer.

 

Oak Tree

[Kahuna]

Honestly is always the best policy!

But, seriously, in this case I think you did the right thing.

However, there are some other cases in which it might not serve so well to tell the "whole" truth about everything, just because a Scout or anyone else asks you.

We are not obligated to tell everything we know. We are only obligated not to lie. I have answered a lot of questions with, "Why in the world would you ask me that?" and ending the discussion.

[FScouter]

Gee Mr. E, did you ever smoke dope??? Did you ever get a girl pregnant before you were married? Did you ever get so drunk you couldnt stand up? Did you ever get locked in jail? Did you ever ?

 

Just because a question has been asked does not in any way mean the only two courses of action are to be honest and tell the truth, or to lie. No one has any obligation at all to respond to personal questions about ones past. One could answer in the way Eamonn did and make a lesson of it. One could answer in other ways too that do not lie and still provide a lesson at the same time.

 

Well son, thats a rather rude and impertinent question, but let me tell you something. I am not a perfect human being by any means. Im 50 years old and Ive have 50 years of experience making mistakes. Ive done a lot of dumb things. And I have learned a lot from mistakes Ive made. I am still learning all the time, but still I sometimes do dumb things and make mistakes.

 

And even though youre a smart kid, maybe smarter that I was at your age, Ill bet you have made a few mistakes and done a few things youre not real proud of too. Even the smartest of us make mistakes and do things were not proud of.

 

But the smartest ones know that that they can learn from the dumb mistakes that other people have made. Dope and drugs are dumb things to do. Dope has destroyed many families and many lives. You dont have to experience dope to know there is no good in it.

 

Life if full of choices. For your entire life you will be faced with making choices. You know in your heart choices that are bad.

[Lisabob]

Hey Eamonn, sounds like you did the right thing in your particular situation. More general response to the general question: yes, if...

 

1. the context is right. Talking with a couple of 16-17-18 year olds about some topics in a quiet and serious discussion is different than talking about those same topics with a bunch of rowdy 11 year olds who might only be titilated or shocked, who may not be mature enough to handle it, and/or who would not "get" the lesson that you hope to impart because they're too hung up on the example. Though of course, in a crew situation I guess the youngest you'd be dealing with are 14 year olds - still, some are more mature than others at that age.

 

2. it isn't likely to go over-board in upsetting the parents of children who aren't your own. I know there are a few subjects about which the best response I can think of (esp. for those younger guys) is "that's really a question you should talk with your mom or dad about."

 

3. it isn't an intolerable intrusion into your personal life - in which case, I like both Kahuna's and Fgoodwin's responses.

 

4. it is balanced, when need be, by disclosure of the other side of the story. I have some friends who led pretty wild lives in their 20s. Then they did what most of us do sooner or later; settled down, got good jobs, had families, etc.. Over the years they often have talked about their experiences and have been quite open with their kids about it too. But by and large they left out a lot of the negative details, for example, they hardly ever talk about the one friend in the group who died a terrible death as a direct result of addiction and left the rest of the group to clean up the whole mess - literally and figuratively. We were all at an event a while ago where the topic of past actions came up and one of their (older teen) children made the comment that hey, recreational use couldn't be that awful because all of their parents turned out fine. Their parents were shocked because they hadn't realized that this was the message they were sending by avoiding discussion of those very painful details.

 

5. it will do more good than harm.

 

 

Lisa'bob