Confidentiality

[Twocubdad]

Bob, I'm glad we are in such agreement. But I have to ask if you agree with the point I was making, or do you only agree with sentences you quoted, stripped of the context of the rest of my post?

 

While we're all savoring that rhetorical nugget, those of you who feel this is a black and white issue, help me understand how you deal with it on a practical level.

 

How do you decide what merits a phone call home? If you take the position that only a parent can know what information is important, aren't transcripts of all our conversations the logical conclusion? Otherwise aren't you making a judgement as to what you do and don't tell a parent? A kid tells you his socks don't match. Is the boy just daffy or is there something else going on? Maybe he and his mom argue over what he wears and mis-matched socks are his way of defying her. Or maybe he's joining a gang and odd socks are the gang colors? How do you know. Do you take the time for a conference with the boy about his socks? Do you really call his parents over it?

 

By the way, Sctmom, I think that's exactly the way to handle the conversation. But there is a difference between "I can't promise to keep your secret" and "I have an obligation to tell your parents." The first suggests that you may keep the confidence under certain circumstances. If you believe your obligation is to tell the parents, you need to make that clear.(This message has been edited by Twocubdad)(This message has been edited by Twocubdad)

[SM406]

Me, being an uncomplicated fellow and always trying to keep things simple, follow the path of a Scout is Honest. Trying to keep secrets from one set of parents let alone dozens of sets of parents would become totally unmanageable for me. Somehow somewhere I would let the cat out of the bag and ruin my credibility with both the boy and the parents. Bottom line there is too much to manage and too much at risk to spend time keeping secrets. Following the honest vein, if a parent asks I tell, if they do not ask and it impacts a boys health and safety I tell. Otherwise, if the issue requires no other response from me or the boy, we move on.

 

SM406

 

[Rooster7]

I tend to agree with Bob on this issueStill, I believe there could be a rare instance in which I might not tell the parents. But let me take a stab at Twocubdads question

 

Otherwise aren't you making a judgment as to what you do and don't tell a parent?

 

I think Bob would agree that we dont tell the parents everything. Realistically, 99.9% of what we hear the parents already know or the information is seemingly inconsequential to the childs development. And besides, if we did inform the parents of everything, wed be spending 50% of our time or more talking to them. For example, a boy reveals in a BOR that while he finds balancing Scouts and school to be difficult at times, My grades have not suffered. My guess is - Bob isnt suggesting that we have to run to his parents and feed them verbatim quotes or even advise them of this particular disclosure. Theres no earth shaking revelation being made by the boy. There is no reason to suspect that the child is over his head or in danger of suffering any kind of harm (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually). On the other hand, if the boy reveals in a BOR (or in a Scoutmaster Conference, etc.) that school has been extremely difficult and/or displays some emotional distress about his grades, then I think we owe it to the parents to advise them of the same. I think we need to ask ourselves, if this was my son would I want someone to talk to me about it. Unless I know differently, I have to assume the parents are sane, reasonable, and will treat their sonwell, like a son. I expect all of the adults in my troop to view me in this light. Furthermore, I would be enraged if something bad ever happened to my son because an adult in the troop deemed me an irresponsible parent and kept information from me.

 

But to be fair to Ed and some of my old friends - I reserve the right to make my own moral decisions, even if it means BSA would frown on me (or even revoke my membership). I think perhaps this is what some of the other folks on this board are implying. Right is right. You do what you have to do. Its a risk that I have not yet had to take. However, I will take that risk if I ever deem it to be appropriate. Although, to be sure - I would not take this risk, the implications, or the consequences associated with it lightly. As I said, if I was the parent, I know what my reaction would be.(This message has been edited by Rooster7)

[matuawarrior]

Hypotheticals are hard enough to deal with because it deals with what if's . . .

 

If a Scout receives a beating from my disclosure to his parent, I will personally deal with that parent within the boundaries that the law provides me.

 

If a Scout comes to me and discloses that one or both parents are abusive, I have every obligation to call the proper authorities on the parent.

 

I still stand by my 3 options that I give my Scouts and Venturers if they ever come to me with what they feel as earth shattering news: He can tell, I can tell, or we can tell together.

 

Honesty is what we preach in Scouting. That is what I'll follow until National changes the Scout Law.

 

Yes, every family is different. "Remember, not all families are like yours and mine".

 

The more reason to provide those parents the respect and courtesy that they deserve regardless of how we feel.

 

 

Matua

[Twocubdad]

Glad to have you back in communion, Rooster.

 

I agree with you 100 percent. I said in my first post on this subject that I could hardly imagine a "serious" conversation with a Scout which I would keep in perfect confidence, sharing it with neither the parents nor properly equipped professionals. But I still maintain that possibility.

 

You said it well, "I reserve the right to make my own moral decisions...."

[OldGreyEagle]

WELCOME BACK ROOSTER!!!

[sst3rd]

Maybe I've approached the Scoutmaster's Conference incorrectly all of these years, and prevented the Scout from opening up to me. I preface each Scoutmaster's Conference by saying that this discussion is between myself, the Scout, God, and his parents. I certainly have heard of Scouts opening up to other adult leaders more than myself (the SM). I need to remind those other leaders of our responsibilities just in case. Good discussion everyone.

 

sst3rd

[Bob White]

Twocubdad,

Check my posts, I never said I would call the parents on everything. I said It would be irresponsible to promise a scout that I would not tell his parents anyhting, and that I would never keep anything secret form a parent who asked (as one poster said he would do).

 

I never made the aurgument that you had to report everything to the parents, I only said it was wrong to purposely withold anything from the parents. As a parent and as experieced volunteer with youth in and out of scouting, I think Iam a good judge of what could be important enough that I need to contact the parent, and if a parent ever asked me what their son and I talked about in any conversation including the SMC I would tell them without hesitation. It's their son they have a right to know and I have an obligation to them as the scout's parent.

 

Bob White

[KoreaScouter]

No list of hypotheticals can catch all situations. All Scouts are different, as are their families, likely reactions to a situation, and situations themselves. I don't have a cookie-cutter "school solution", or matrix that tells me when to speak with parents. I decide that on a case-by-case basis. A situation with one Scout may warrant a call, while the same situation with another Scout won't...again, depending on the other variables.

 

A lot of what the Scouts say at camp, on hikes, or at any activity away from their parents, are not necessarily things they'd say if their parents were present. That doesn't necessarily make their comments inappropriate, immoral, or illegal. Maybe, just something they feel more comfortable with around their friends rather than family. I'm not implying dysfunction or abusive relationships, just adolescents feeling awkward, for whatever reason. We have to have patience with them while they work through it.

 

To complicate things, I've taken another oath and have a professional responsibility to deal with suspected criminal activity, whether I'm looking at a victim, witness, or suspect -- and I can't turn that off when I put a Scout uniform on.

 

We all have to be able to survive the harsh light of public scrutiny, or as an old boss of mine told me once, as one way to assess a decision: "Would you be comfortable explaining what you did to Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes?"

 

KS

 

 

[Eagledad]

>>If you take the position that only a parent can know what information is important, aren't transcripts of all our conversations the logical conclusion? Otherwise aren't you making a judgement as to what you do and don't tell a parent?