Two Cows...

[SMT224]

Yep, this one's been 'round longer than dirt itself I would reckon. But found it out there in the ether and had a laugh and figured I'd toss it on our fire. Ok, ok, so I did add the last one... clearly a bit of my own viewpoint showing through. Let's see if you can do better!!

 

 

 

Economic Models using Cows

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you if youre the wrong color, religion, creed, or just dont fit in.

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, misplaces one, milks the other, and then files the milk while having a meeting to prepare the necessary paperwork for signature...

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

DEMOCRATIC PARTY

You have 2 cows.

The party takes them and sends them to cow college to learn milking and low impact pasturing. Last you heard they are still in graduate school.

 

REPUBLICAN PARTY

You have 2 cows.

The party names them both Joe sends them to Alaska to be milked from helicopter with a high powered rifle.

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. Congress then buys your bull and bails out your company so at least you can get the 35 million dollar bonus you have a god-given right to.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. Later you milk the cows, make cheese, and then sit back with a bottle of Bordeaux.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image

called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk

themselves.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

But you have a cup of tea anyway.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

 

BOY SCOUT TROOP

The Troop has two cows.

In early summer, Scouts taking the Animal Science merit badge slaughter one cow and freeze the meat so it last all summer and provides meat for everyone at summer camp. They milk other cow and care for it all summer so everyone has fresh milk.

After summer camp they lend the cow to a local dairy until next year when they do it all over again.

 

[HobcawChaos]

Someone can surely do better but I gotta try....

 

Girl Scout Troop

 

The troop has 2 cows.

One is named Daisy.

The other is Juliette.

They are covered in paper mache, paint, lights, glue, and glitter.

The milk is used to corner the cookie market each year.

[OldGreyEagle]

There was a socialism speaker at the Grange the other night and ol' Harry Winstead went and got all he't up about Socialism. He was telling his neighbor Arnold Foxworth all about it.

 

Harry says "In Socialism, everything is shared by everyone, if I have two tractors and you don't have one, I would give you one of mine Arnold. And Arnold, if I had 200 chickens, I would give you 100 of them."

 

Ol' Arnold thought about it, then asked Harry, "You mean if you had two cows you would give me one?"

 

To which Harry says, "Curse you Arnold Foxworth, you KNOW I have two cows..."

[evmori]

I don't think I like cows!

[ASM915]

What a Mooooooooooooooving story. Udderly ridiculous.

 

Here PETA, PETA, PETA.

 

Don't let Packsaddle anywhere near the cows. He'll have them disected in a matter of minutes.

 

Hey Pack, your psychology Prof should have asked the university for some steers for his experiments. Lobster tastes good, but the couple of whole beefs will give you a lot of steaks and burgers.

[Trevorum]

From Anthro 101:

 

BAND LEVEL HUNTING-GATHERING

You discover two cows. You kill them both and share the bounty with everyone you know, feasting for weeks. You then start searching for another cow.

 

INCIPIENT DOMESTICATION

You have two Aurochs. They kill your father's brother and escape. Trying to keep dangerous wild animals was his idea anyway so you go back to hunting.

 

TRANSHUMANT PASTORALISM

You have two cows. You move them, yourself, your entire family, and everything you own to greener pastures. Repeat.

 

CHIEFDOM

You have two cows. You milk one and give the other to the paramount chief. When a flood destroys your village, he gives it back to you.

 

INDUSTRIALIZED STATE

You've never seen a cow in your entire life. At the end of working all day, you are given two pieces of paper. A man from the government immediately takes one. You exchange the other for your daily slice of cow.