Lawyer Jokes

[eisely]

Here is one I just got in an email that I had not heard before. I have cleaned it up by substituting one word for a string of words. This is a family oriented forum.

 

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A biker walks into a yuppie bar spoiling for a fight. He looks around, notices the suits and ties, and shouts, "ALL LAWYERS ARE JERKS!!!!," at the top of his lungs. Sure enough a big beefy 300 pound guy walks up and taps him on the shoulderand says, "Hey buddy, I think you better take that back."

 

The biker says, "Why...you a lawyer?"

 

Beefy guy says, "No, I'm a jerk."

[Hunt]

Judge X was trying a civil case between two corporations. Before the trial, he called the lawyers for the two sides into his chambers. On his desk were two envelopes. "Gentlemen," the judge said, "I have had a shocking experience. In this envelope that you passed me, Mr. Jones, I find five thousand dollars in cash, and a request that I decide this case in favor of your client. In this envelope from Mr. Smith, I find six thousand dollars in cash, and a similar request on behalf of his client. How do you think I should deal with this outrage?" The two lawyers were silent. "It seems to me I have only one choice," the judge continued, "I am going to return one thousand dollars to Mr. Smith, and decide the case impartially"

 

Here's another: A doctor, a banker, a stockbroker, and a lawyer were longtime golf buddies. The banker died suddenly, and the other three went to his viewing. Afterwards, they went out for a few drinks. "I felt so strongly about our friend," the doctor said, "that at the viewing I put my Rolex watch worth $2000 in the coffin with him." "That's nothing," said the stockbroker, "I was so grief-stricken that I put my platinum cigarette case worth $5,000 in the coffin with him." "You guys are both pikers," said the lawyer. "I was so moved that I put into the coffin my personal check for $30,000."