Ohio_Scouter Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 In a small town trial, the prosecuting attorney called an elderly woman to the stand and asked, "Ma'am, do you know me?" She replied, "Yes, I do. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned, but asked his next question, "Do you know the defense attorney?" "Why yes, I do. He has a drinking problem, his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state, and he cheated on his wife with five women, including your wife." The judge ordered both lawyers to approach the bench, and quietly said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GernBlansten Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Ok, let me see if I can clean this one up... A lawyer, a priest and a proctologist go into a bar. ....DELETED..... (edited by GernBlansten) Sorry, can't make that one clean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio_Scouter Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer? A Doberman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CA_Scouter Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishsqueezer Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 How about: How are manure and lawyers alike? Scattered around they can do a lot of good, but when you get a pile of them together it really stinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prof Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prof Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Along the line of Beavah's original posting in this thread Q What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum? A The bucket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraut-60 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on the size of the roof and how thin you slice the lawyers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highcountry Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I hope you guys all realize that it is only 99% of lawyers that give the rest a bad name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoPenn Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Prof: I protest!! (In my best Foghorn Leghorn voice): I declare, sir, I say I do declare, that you have insulted Pond Scum, and I demand an apology on behalf of Pond Scum everywhere! Bucket, indeed!! Everyone knows the answer is A Bucket of Pond Scum is more entertaining. Calico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prof Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Calico, I humbly apologize to any and all species of pond scum which I may have offended. I also apologize to the buckets as well! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prof Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 How about this one Q: How are honest lawyers like UFO's? A: You often hear about them but you never actually see one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireKat Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 ROFL These are getting better and better! Have you heard this one? (short version) At the entrance to heaven there is a long line waiting to get permission from St.Peter to enter. A Pope walks past the line and demands to be admitted. Peter tells him he must wait his turn. The Pope heads to the back of the line muttering. Another gentleman passes all the people waiting. He is immediately ushered in by St. Peter. The Pope goes back to the gates and asks why an ordinary man was given special treatment, allowed to pass all the other people, even a pope and allowed in. St. Peter answers we have many popes in here but that was the first lawyer to make it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gold Winger Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 "Even though I am involved in the legal system (as a Judge, but not a lawyer)" Aren't judges lawyers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio_Scouter Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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