Choosing my religion

[fgoodwin]

Choosing my religion

 

http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/15277246.htm

 

Posted on Tue, Aug. 15, 2006

 

Shopping around for a family church - when the parents aren't regular attendees - can be intimidating, but experts say it's never too late to start keeping the faith

 

By GAILE ROBINSON

Star-Telegram Staff Writer

 

The Cub Scout troop was swirling around the front door of the old California mission. They were there to satisfy a badge requirement but were acting like it was a trip to the amusement park. They moved inside, a vibrating mass of boy energy.

 

The 200-year-old church was dark; in the gloom of the long, narrow sanctuary, the pews were barely visible. The only illumination was at the far end over the altar. There, a bright light spilled down over a huge crucifix and a larger-than-life wounded Christ figure, blood dripping from underneath the crown of thorns. The Cub Scouts were awed, and for a brief moment, silent.

 

Then, this query: "Whoa, what happened to that guy?"

 

I recognized the loud voice of my son at the same instant I experienced one of those whiplashes of profound parental guilt: "Oops, should have gotten the kids some religious education."

 

It had been on the to-do list, somewhere after toilet training and instructions on table manners; we just hadn't gotten to that particular chapter of child-rearing yet. Neither my husband nor I was aligned with a church at the time, although we both had gone as children, albeit to very different ones. Our parents had done their bit; now it was time to do ours. In an ideal world, couples should negotiate this issue before picking a china pattern or a wedding date. Mary Hildebrandt, director of Christian Education at Peace Lutheran Church in Hurst, says: "The topic should be in there with 'What do you think about marriage, money, having children, and where do you want to live?' . . . That way when you are blessed with children you have a game plan going in."

 

Of course, that would have made it so simple, but it was not a conversation we had ever had. And we were not atypical.

 

For parents who are not churchgoers, choosing a church for the purposes of religious education can be quite daunting. How do you find one that is agreeable to everyone in the family? For that matter, is it important that everyone agree? How do you know that what is conveyed in the adult service is echoed in the Sunday-school program? When is a good time to begin a child's religious education? Is it ever too late? Did we miss the ark?

 

The answers from the professionals are reassuring.

 

So, which church should we attend?

 

The denomination's name is not the issue, the religious education directors say. Choosing your faith-based community matters more.

 

There is a difference, often quite distinct, between churches of the same faith. Parents struggle mightily with religious appellations; putting too much emphasis on "what church are we?" when instead they need to find a church family where they feel most at home.

 

"One of the most important points of religious education is to find a community of faith. Faith, whether it is Christian, Jewish or Muslim, is found in community," says Russell Dalton, associate professor of Christian education at Brite Divinity School at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth. "All great faiths are built around community. You learn about being a Christian by being around Christians of many ages. So I would say the biggest challenge is going around to many churches, synagogues or mosques."

 

Once there, "You need to ask yourself, 'Is this a church that will help me become a better person?'" says Brett Younger, senior pastor at Fort Worth's Broadway Baptist Church. "It doesn't take long to get an answer. If you find a community that will challenge you that way, it will do that for your children, too."

 

Some parents who come from different church backgrounds never do agree on a single church for the entire family.

 

"They alternate churches," says Walter McDonald, pastor at Fort Worth's Baker Chapel AME. "One is committed to one church, the other another, but the children primarily attend one church."

 

This may send a mixed message, but it's not one of confusion, says McDonald: "The important thing is that the parents are led by the Holy Spirit and their spiritual needs are being met in the church."

 

Where do we begin?

 

Talking to friends, neighbors and co-workers is one way to narrow the search, Hildebrandt says. She says that a large proportion of Peace Lutheran's new members, fully "80 to 90 percent who come and stay, are there because somebody else has invited them."

 

Often a crisis precipitates the search. Then families turn to their most immediate and trusted resources -- friends or co-workers. Robin Stillwell of Trinity Vineyard Fellowship in Fort Worth says she knows of two families who have done that.

 

"In one family someone had passed away and it threw the family into a crisis," Stillwell says. "That mom started looking at her son's friends. She knew who went to church and who didn't. She asked one who seemed like a nice kid where he went, and she began networking that way."

 

If you are really unsure, check resources on the Web, says Amanda Robinson, director of religious education at First Jefferson Unitarian Universalist in Fort Worth. She says her church has had several families land on its doorstep after visiting www.beliefnet.com, an online multifaith community, and taking one of its interactive quizzes that help narrow the search for faith affiliation to those that best match one's beliefs. Armed with that speed-dating kind of information, the religion-seeker can further research religious philosophies and pinpoint compatible local churches.

 

Obviously, some footwork will be involved; several trips, in fact. The first visit will suggest one of two responses: definitely not, or maybe. You will know fairly quickly if it is not right for you.

 

Is this the right Sunday school?

 

All churches should have written material that outlines their religious education programs. Ask for a copy. If you are not sure that the message being delivered in the adult service is the same one presented in the Sunday school, drop in the classrooms for a visit, Stillwell says. Or, "talk to the director of religious education, volunteer in the classroom, talk to the children who have been attending," Robinson says.

 

The education directors do send up cautionary flares about the location of Sunday school classes. If the classrooms are in a separate building, that might be a sign that children are kept sequestered from the adult group or older and younger children. There should be integration among the ages in the church family.

 

"Having the biggest, shiniest preschool building is not the best sign," Younger says. "Children's ministers struggle with the tension of making this look like church or a Disneyland. There is an integrity issue in marketing to children. If you are trying to attract 6-year-olds with the shiniest toys, you're not teaching a 6-year-old what church is about."

 

Parents should look for the church that will help their children become the kind of adult they want them to be. Children need to be integrated into the church family. "Make sure there are opportunities for youth and adults to be together," Dalton says.

 

See how children are treated in the adult service. Are they welcome? Are they included?

 

"I feel like children should feel welcome in service, and sometimes that's hard to do, but it is very important," Robinson says.

 

Dalton suggests asking these questions: Is the service designed in such a way that they realize kids are going to be there? Is there anything in the service that is directly addressed to them? Are there songs that have a rhythm or a beat or are sung in such a way, with hand motions, that are engaging to children? During prayer times, are the prayers concerns of adults or are there things that might be of concern to children? Do the sermons include illustrations of how this can be meaningful in a child's life? Are there any children or teens helping to lead the service?

 

Did we wait too long?

 

Adding another time commitment to the schedule of a school-age child seems cruel to the entire family, which is why adding regular church attendance is best if begun early. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the wake-up call during potty training. A friend of mine figured it out when her fifth-grade daughter was packing for camp. As the girl read off the list of essential gear, she announced, "Says here we need a bibble. What's a bibble?"

 

From most church staffers' point of view, religious education is best when started early. "It's one thing to wrestle with a 2-year-old, but I will take a 2-year-old over a 12-year-old any day," Hildebrandt says.

 

"The younger they are when you start, the easier it is to lay the foundation," says Brenda Tyler of Christ Chapel Bible Church in Fort Worth.

 

If you wait till the problem years, that time in the family development when the parent-child relationship is at its most corrosive, there will be opposition.

 

"If we press religion on a rebelling child, the resistance is magnified because we are initiating it," Hildebrandt says. Often teens will want to find their own church family, away from the church of their parents.

 

"Some kids might be looking for answers and be struggling with issues," Tyler says. If a child is experienced in searching for these answers within a religious framework, she says, parents should trust their children and allow them their explorations. They may fall away from the family church, but often this is the one they return to as adults, when it is time to educate their own children.

 

Many times, new parents will instinctively find a church where the ritual, schedule and visual presentation are ones that they recognize from their youth.

 

They look for the familiar, says Tonya Langston, children's pastor at Bethel Temple in Fort Worth. "They don't often analyze curriculum or content of lesson. They base their choice on whether or not it feels like the church they went to when they were little."

 

What do the kids say?

 

You've made the rounds; you've test-driven services, checked out Sunday schools. You think you may have found the family's church. But weigh in with the kids. Ask them about their experiences. Are they comfortable? Are the Sunday school lessons positive? Dalton says ask them, "'What do they say about God?' Are they scaring children with images of wrathful God, teaching a God of love, or whatever it is that is important to the parents?"

 

Even the size of the class matters. Some children don't have the experience or socialization skills to slide into a new group with ease, Robinson says. They might prefer a smaller group. When they get older, they might want to be part of a large group.

 

Hopefully the parents will be rewarded for their search for a fitting family church with positive results. Children, though, have a way of interpreting the lessons in their own way.

 

On the way to school one morning, after having picked up the other carpool kids, one friend heard her daughter, Nicole, giving a tour guide's spiel about the neighborhood. She pointed out the family's church to her friends.

 

"That's our church," Nicole said. "The one with the plus on the top."

 

TEST YOUR FAITH

 

Not sure where to start? The nondenominational site www.beliefnet.com has a quiz that will help narrow down your choices. Answer a list of 20 questions on the concept of God, afterlife and spiritual beliefs, then rank how important each concept is in your value system. The site will analyze your answers, then provide a list of religions, from mainline Christianity to Judaism, Islam to Buddhism, that are most compatible with your answers.

[Trevorum]

I love the belief-o-matic! Everyone should try it!

 

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

 

[GernBlansten]

Guess I better look up a UUC in my neighborhood...

 

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)

2. Secular Humanism (97%)

3. Nontheist (94%)

4. Liberal Quakers (92%)

5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (88%)

6. Theravada Buddhism (82%)

7. Bah' Faith (77%)

8. Neo-Pagan (63%)

9. Taoism (62%)

10. Jainism (57%)

11. Mahayana Buddhism (54%)

12. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (54%)

13. Orthodox Quaker (54%)

14. New Age (51%)

15. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (47%)

16. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (46%)

17. Jehovah's Witness (46%)

18. Seventh Day Adventist (41%)

19. Reform Judaism (38%)

20. New Thought (36%)

21. Sikhism (36%)

22. Islam (35%)

23. Orthodox Judaism (35%)

24. Hinduism (34%)

25. Scientology (27%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (24%)

27. Roman Catholic (24%)

 

[CalicoPenn]

Did the Belief-O-Matic. Says I should be a Neo-pagan. Or a Universal-Unitarian. Or a Liberal Quaker (can't say I've ever heard of a Conservative Quaker. Orthodox Quaker, yes - but not Conservative Quaker).

 

Oh well, I guess I'll stick with Wiccanism. Oh wait, that IS Neo-paganism. Well go figure.

 

CalicoPenn

[packsaddle]

CalicoPenn, LOL. As for my scores:

1. Secular Humanism (100%)

2. Unitarian Universalism (98%)

3. Liberal Quakers (90%)

4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (86%)

5. Nontheist (70%)

6. Neo-Pagan (70%)

7. Theravada Buddhism (67%)

8. New Age (57%)

9. Bah' Faith (54%)

10. Reform Judaism (50%)

11. Taoism (50%)

12. Orthodox Quaker (48%)

13. Mahayana Buddhism (47%)

14. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (43%)

15. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (43%)

16. New Thought (39%)

17. Scientology (35%)

18. Jainism (35%)

19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (34%)

20. Sikhism (33%)

21. Jehovah's Witness (31%)

22. Seventh Day Adventist (23%)

23. Islam (22%)

24. Orthodox Judaism (22%)

25. Hinduism (21%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (18%)

27. Roman Catholic (18%)

 

Well, Duuhhhh!

[evmori]

Here's mine.

 

1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)

2. Orthodox Judaism (94%)

3. Islam (92%)

4. Seventh Day Adventist (83%)

5. Eastern Orthodox (76%)

6. Orthodox Quaker (76%)

7. Roman Catholic (76%)

8. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (71%)

9. Jehovah's Witness (71%)

10. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%)

11. Bah' Faith (69%)

12. Sikhism (67%)

13. Reform Judaism (63%)

14. Hinduism (61%)

15. Jainism (53%)

16. Liberal Quakers (45%)

17. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (42%)

18. Unitarian Universalism (41%)

19. Scientology (40%)

20. Mahayana Buddhism (39%)

21. Theravada Buddhism (39%)

22. Nontheist (36%)

23. New Thought (35%)

24. Neo-Pagan (27%)

25. New Age (23%)

26. Taoism (21%)

27. Secular Humanism (18%)

 

 

No surprise!

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[DanKroh]

All hail the Belief-O-Matic, for it is wise and true:

 

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)

2. Unitarian Universalism (87%)

3. Liberal Quakers (82%)

4. New Age (80%)

5. Mahayana Buddhism (75%)

6. Reform Judaism (71%)

7. Jainism (68%)

8. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (64%)

9. Secular Humanism (62%)

10. Theravada Buddhism (59%)

11. Bah�'� Faith (58%)

12. Hinduism (55%)

13. Scientology (54%)

14. New Thought (54%)

15. Sikhism (51%)

16. Taoism (49%)

17. Orthodox Judaism (44%)

18. Orthodox Quaker (44%)

19. Islam (40%)

20. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (37%)

21. Nontheist (36%)

22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (21%)

23. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (21%)

24. Seventh Day Adventist (20%)

25. Eastern Orthodox (17%)

26. Roman Catholic (17%)

27. Jehovah's Witness (14%)

 

It even got the order for the first two correct, since I consider myself a Pagan who worships at a UUC. Also, the Quaker influence of my childhood shows a bit, too.

[ManassasEagle]

Hmmm...

 

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)

2. Orthodox Quaker (86%)

3. Liberal Quakers (85%)

4. Unitarian Universalism (80%)

5. Reform Judaism (78%)

6. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (72%)

7. Bah' Faith (69%)

8. Orthodox Judaism (67%)

9. Eastern Orthodox (63%)

10. Roman Catholic (63%)

11. Islam (62%)

12. Seventh Day Adventist (58%)

13. Sikhism (55%)

14. New Age (52%)

15. Neo-Pagan (51%)

16. Secular Humanism (50%)

17. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (49%)

18. New Thought (47%)

19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (45%)

20. Scientology (42%)

21. Mahayana Buddhism (39%)

22. Hinduism (38%)

23. Theravada Buddhism (37%)

24. Jainism (36%)

25. Nontheist (36%)

26. Taoism (35%)

27. Jehovah's Witness (30%)

 

[SR540Beaver]

1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)

2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (98%)

3. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (83%)

4. Bah' Faith (81%)

5. Orthodox Quaker (76%)

6. Seventh Day Adventist (70%)

7. Eastern Orthodox (70%)

8. Roman Catholic (70%)

9. Liberal Quakers (69%)

10. Orthodox Judaism (67%)

11. Jehovah's Witness (66%)

12. Islam (63%)

13. Reform Judaism (56%)

14. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)

15. Sikhism (53%)

16. Unitarian Universalism (52%)

17. Mahayana Buddhism (34%)

18. Theravada Buddhism (34%)

19. Neo-Pagan (33%)

20. Jainism (32%)

21. Hinduism (31%)

22. Nontheist (28%)

23. New Thought (27%)

24. New Age (25%)

25. Secular Humanism (22%)

26. Scientology (19%)

27. Taoism (19%)

 

[gwd-scouter]

Interesting - I was raised a Roman Catholic and that came up last on my quiz!

 

1. Liberal Quakers (100%)

2. Unitarian Universalism (96%)

3. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (94%)

4. Neo-Pagan (93%)

5. New Age (87%)

6. Secular Humanism (78%)

7. Mahayana Buddhism (76%)

8. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (76%) 9. Taoism (73%)

10. New Thought (70%)

11. Bah' Faith (68%)

12. Scientology (63%)

13. Theravada Buddhism (61%)

14. Reform Judaism (58%)

15. Nontheist (48%)

16. Orthodox Quaker (47%)

17. Jainism (46%)

18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) 19. Hinduism (41%)

20. Sikhism (40%)

21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (37%) 22. Jehovah's Witness (31%)

23. Orthodox Judaism (28%)

24. Islam (23%)

25. Seventh Day Adventist (19%)

26. Eastern Orthodox (14%)

27. Roman Catholic (14%)

[SemperParatus]

 

 

1. Orthodox Quaker (100%)

2. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (99%)

3. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (84%)

4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (81%)

5. Jehovah's Witness (79%)

6. Seventh Day Adventist (70%)

7. Bah' Faith (68%)

8. Eastern Orthodox (63%)

9. Roman Catholic (63%)

10. Liberal Quakers (62%)

11. Theravada Buddhism (58%)

12. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (56%)

13. Islam (56%)

14. Mahayana Buddhism (56%)

15. Orthodox Judaism (56%)

16. Jainism (55%)

17. Unitarian Universalism (45%)

18. Hinduism (40%)

19. Reform Judaism (39%)

20. Sikhism (38%)

21. Taoism (37%)

22. Neo-Pagan (36%)

23. New Age (34%)

24. New Thought (34%)

25. Nontheist (34%)

26. Scientology (32%)

27. Secular Humanism (31%)

 

 

 

[SR540Beaver]

The belief-o-matic was fun, but back to reality.....the attitude of the author concerns me as a person of faith. Let's forget for the moment that my faith is Christian, of the Baptist persuasion, Southern in particular. This could apply for almost anyone of any faith. Religious "training" or education is not something on a checklist for raising children. I guess it is good that she recognized religion might be important for her children, but how important and "why" comes into question when you consider her casual approach. Oh my, my child doesn't recognize who Jesus is, I guess I forgot to mention it somewhere along the line...guess I ought to find a church to drop him off for Sunday School while we go to brunch. Any "training" she gets for her child will be pretty meaningless at the worst or purely academic at best if the faith the child is being "trained" in is not modeled at home. If mom and dad don't go to church or practice a certain faith lifestyle, why would/should it be important to me? Mom and dad don't use table manners, why should I? Mom and dad cuss like sailors, why shouldn't I? What is the value in telling a child to do as I say, not as I do? Regardless of your wishes, guess which route they will end up taking.

 

If religion doesn't play a part in her life, why does she see a need to get her children religious training? To what end? Is it kind of like teaching your kid how to do the waltz on the outside chance that he might be invited to a state dinner and ball someday?

[OldGreyEagle]

1. Orthodox Quaker (100%)

2. Eastern Orthodox (90%)

3. Roman Catholic (90%)

4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (83%)

5. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (77%)

6. Seventh Day Adventist (77%)

7. Liberal Quakers (68%)

8. Hinduism (57%)

9. Unitarian Universalism (57%)

10. Orthodox Judaism (52%)

11. Sikhism (50%)

12. Bah' Faith (46%)

13. Islam (46%)

14. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (42%)

15. Reform Judaism (39%)

16. Theravada Buddhism (36%)

17. Mahayana Buddhism (35%)

18. Secular Humanism (34%)

19. Jainism (33%)

20. Jehovah's Witness (30%)

21. Neo-Pagan (29%)

22. Taoism (29%)

23. New Age (25%)

24. Nontheist (24%)

25. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (22%)

26. New Thought (17%)

27. Scientology (17%)

 

[packsaddle]

SR540beaver, I think I can partially answer why to your question, "If religion doesn't play a part in her life, why does she see a need to get her children religious training? To what end? Is it kind of like teaching your kid how to do the waltz on the outside chance that he might be invited to a state dinner and ball someday?"

I don't want to ignore the rest of your questions but the above just about sums it up.

There are several answers for why even an atheist might choose to give their child some RE. Here are the ones I can think of offhand:

1) Diversity - so the child will appreciate the fact that there are different faiths and will understand some of the basic beliefs.

2) Diversity again - so the child will have a broad knowledge of different faiths and they will be better able to make a decision on what THEY choose to believe (or not).

3) Understanding - so that when the children from the church down the street tell them they're going to hell...at least they'll understand why those children think this.

4) Understanding - so that when they hear their faith (or lack thereof) compared unfavorably (such as "walking with Satan", etc.) they'll again understand the basis for such comparisons.

5) Understanding and diversity - so they will be conversant with various faiths, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity in particular in this country, so that they will feel comfortable if confronted with situations that are based in those faiths. They will be able to discuss the faiths intelligently.

6) To give them an better advantage in discussions on the scouter.com forums.

 

Just a few quick thoughts. There are probably some others.

[TheScout]

Never thought I was this good a Catholic.

 

1. Eastern Orthodox (100%)

2. Roman Catholic (100%)

3. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (98%)

4. Seventh Day Adventist (73%)

5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%)

6. Orthodox Quaker (67%)

7. Hinduism (65%)

8. Orthodox Judaism (65%)

9. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (63%)

10. Islam (62%)

11. Jehovah's Witness (61%)

12. Sikhism (37%)

13. Reform Judaism (36%)

14. Jainism (36%)

15. Bah' Faith (34%)

16. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (34%)

17. Liberal Quakers (33%)

18. Mahayana Buddhism (30%)

19. Scientology (29%)

20. Theravada Buddhism (29%)

21. Unitarian Universalism (29%)

22. New Thought (23%)

23. Nontheist (23%)

24. Neo-Pagan (21%)

25. Secular Humanism (12%)

26. New Age (11%)

27. Taoism (6%)