Fighting Scouts

[Pat5208]

What do I do when I have two boys that just don't seem to like or respect each other? The other day the Troop attended the Pack's Blue & Gold Dinner, a yearly tradition for us. Two boys, who I know don't get along, started arguing and it almost came down to fist to cuffs! One boys dad is my ASM and the other's Mom is the Cubs District Training Chair. My ASM is an Eagle Scout in the Troop. His father was a former SM. I tried talking to him about his son but he seems to think that his son is right and the other starts in all the time. I've known my ASM since our two boys were Tigers. The other boy isn't an angel, they are both good kids, but I don't know how to get them to respect each other. I think this would solve the problem. I don't expect every boy to like each other but I do expect them to respect each other.

[Eagledad]

Hmm, tough one. Respect has to be earned, so that is a long range plan. But, when working with scouts, you change bad behavoir with self motivation. First, I would make sure that everytime this happens in the troop, the SPL and/or the PLC deal with it as best they can. Fighting is outside of the scout law, so ask them to deal with the scouts and make sure they know you can advise on ways to do that. The next thing is that your main job as the SM is behavoir. You don't have to hide this, let the scouts know. Everytime they pull somethng like this, ask them to visit you where you can sit down and have a converstation. Ask them questions. Do you know what you did? How does that fit against the Scout Law. Do you know it's wrong, then why do you do it? The objective is get the scouts to admit what they are doing is wrong and that they need to change. Then have them set a gaol to make a change and let them go. It's not your job to punish, that is up to the PLC, but everytime these two scouts get out of line, have that little talk. Over and over, have the little talk. Man to man, not in anger, just asking the questions.

 

I once had a scout, who was pretty persistant, finally ask me, "when are we going to quit having these meetings?". Then he answered his own question, until I change or quit the troop, right? Sharp scout.

 

Make sure what ever you, do not deal with the situation with emotion. If you feel anger, tell the scout to go sit somewhere and you will come get them when you are ready. If you need more time, ask the scout to call his parents. In this case, ask the ASM to take his son home because he is a problem, that you and the SPL will deal with next week. After working with scouts like this for a couple of years, you will see your junior leaders do it the same way. Quietly, no yelling, and motivating the scouts with bad behavior to change.

 

Good luck, behavoir is always a challenge.

 

Barry

[Pat5208]

Thanks for the advice. I'll give it a try and let you know how it turns out.

[Bob White]

I would sit down with the scouts and the parents and have each boy tell you what the problem is. Then I would have both stand and recite the scout oath together. Then sit and go around the table and have each scout and parent say something nice about the other scout. When that is through I would read them the section of the Youth Protection Policies from the Guide to Safe Scouting that talks about no physical or mental abuse, no fights, no insults, no name calling. Read them the part where they will both be removed from scouting and tell them you are serious.

 

Finally offer them the chance to shake hands and end the trouble, or have them and their parents brought before the troop committee. Then let the boys and the parents end it or go escalate it.

 

Bob White

[le Voyageur]

Talk to your Council's C.O.P.E. director about the problem and see what can be down for you. Tend to think that a little High and Low C.O.P.E. for these two might shift their attitudes for the better....