He may not be in scouting....

[sctmom]

But I still think he gained a lot from summer camp!

 

My son, that is. Back in August I had to put my foot down with the school "experts" and insist they NOT put him in special ed classes all day based on his behavior in 5th grade. They thought he would not be able to change classes in 6th grade. I told them he walked a 1/2 mile or more between summer camp classes. I kept telling them he grew up a lot from a week of Boy Scout camp and a week of 4-H camp.

 

Today I had my first meeting since August with the school. Guess what? I was right! They were wrong! He is doing great. They've cut back his special ed hours even more. He's making A's and B's. His behavior is wonderful. He is doing is working, working independently, etc.

 

Just had to share since many of you listened to me moan about the school not listening and how they treat the students. I'm so happy right now and so proud.

 

He still has not gone back to Boy Scouts. He's just not ready for it. I cannot and will not push him to go there if he really isn't interested. Not fair to him or to the scouts and scouters who want to be there.

 

[ASM1]

Two questions. 1) Are you still involved in scouting? 2)Do you wish him to return to the program if it was his idea to do so?

 

ASM1

[sctmom]

I'm involved in Cub Scouting even with no children of my own there. I think it is a wonderful program.

 

Yes, I would like him to return to Scouting, just not the troop he was at. There are 2 other troops in the area that he has the option of going to.

 

I know he got a lot out of summer camp.

 

Being a single mom of one child it is tough to be involved without being too involved. His dad does very little with him.

 

One thing that is so frustrating is he loves to explore new things, do things with his hands, and be outside, but he wasn't getting that out of Scouts. Over the Christmas break he spent time at grandparents playing with 2 kids in their neighborhood. They all have video games and TV's and such. What did they have the most fun with? An old electrical cord they tied to a tree and made a swing out of. Also, they are always building clubhouses around that neighborhood. THAT is what he wants to do at Scouts!

 

Oh, I was beaming with pride as the teacher told me that my son looks up to me and talks about all the fun things we do together. Too bad his father can't see how much fun he is missing.

 

[eisely]

Good for you and your son. Hopefully he will return to scouting soon.

[OneHour]

I'm glad that you stood your ground. My wife and I did too. The school has been trying to label our son as ADD since Kindergarten. They tried to get us to put him on ritalin. We resisted. He has been doing well in class all A's and 1 B's for from 3rd to 5th. He still is a little easily distracted ... but manageable! My wife and I worked with him every night. So ... medicine and labeling are not our preferred method either. Good luck ... hopefully you and he will be back in scouting soon.

[sctmom]

Onehour, My son does take medicine but medicine isn't the cureall. I still have to work with him every night and remind him a lot. He doesn't take the medicine when not in school. I have a picture someone took at summer camp that shows him doing writing work by lantern-light one night. He hates to write and was not on medicine. He is motivated and interested! Later I found out he lost the paper and ended up not getting the merit badge because of that. He knew why and didn't get upset about it, didn't try to blame anyone or lie his way out.

 

Maybe getting settled into middle school he will start thinking about going back to Boy Scouts.

 

He likes working with the Cub Scout boys and is good at it. I've told him that if he went back to Scouts he could be a Den Chief (since those are few and far between). I think he would make a good one. It would be really good for him to work with another Cub Scout leader and with the Cubs. I think you learn a lot by trying to teach others.

 

 

[ASM1]

sctmom, Well, congrats on your involvement in the scouting program. I think if you would like to see your son get back into scouting you may wish to try to get involved with one of those other two troops you mentioned. Get on the committee of one of them, or better yet, become an Assistant Scoutmaster and start attending the training and go on the campouts. You show your son that your going on the campouts, he will be back into scouting so fast all you will see is a blur!

 

About your situation with the pulic school system. Your story sounds like ours with my youngest son. They absolutely refused to pass him into the 8th grade because they said he needed special ed and co-taught classes. Remembering how I fared in the public school system and how my father handled it. I went into the school and said quite frankly, you will pass my son and he will no longer be in special ed or any co-taught classes. They laughed at me and said no way. I wrote a letter to the school board and copyied the local newpaper stating that the public school system exist by our tax dollars and by that token, we, the parent are the directors of the programs, not the local school principals or teachers. Our son is now in high school and maintaining a B average with no special ed or co-taught classes. Stand your ground and remember, those school people work for you. Not the other way around.

 

You take the lead and get into one of those troops, your son will fly back to the program, you will see.

 

ASM1

 

[berkshirescouter]

Sctmom

You have done the greatest thing a parent can do, you have been involved from day one. Well done! My own son was diag. at age 4 with a form of Autism called Asbergers syndrome. He is very bright but social skills were poor. We were told to use behavior modification to help him. To make a long story short. He started scouting at age 13 he is now 15 1/2 and will be Life Scout in Feb. with a good chance to be Eagle, all on his own. The point of this is. If you are involved, and early, you can help the child overcome anything.

[sctmom]

Its Trail Day,

Congratulations to you and your son. I know a child with Aspergers. He does have a lot or problems with social skills.

 

ASM1,

You are right about the schools work for us. Also, the schools must provide an education that is best for EACH child. As parents we are the ones to decide what is best (except in extreme cases where people aren't sane). Many parents don't know they have rights to override anything the school says. We've worked with some great people from the elementary school. I am now in contact with the right people at the middle school. They are learning I want my son to learn how to live in this world and he is not an extreme case of hyperactivity.

 

 

[mk9750]

scoutmom,

 

Please, PLEASE encourage your son to consider Den Chief if and when he returns to Scouting. You are 100% right that they are few and far between, and worse, many of those that exist are ill suited for the job. Luckily, it is usually only a good attitude and some training that separates the good ones from the not so good. I applaud you for thinking in that direction, and him if he considers doing it. Good luck to you both!

 

Mark

[LauraT7]

you and I have alot in common - as i think we've noticed in the past - Single moms raising ADHD sons with little "Dad" involvement.

 

My son is still in scouting, if sometimes reluctantly. he is approching his first class with only a few requirements left, though it has taken him almost two years. He also prefers camping and outdoors to the "schoolwork" of advancements and badges. However summer camp is awesome for him - he has a really good time there. And the knowledge he gains there helps himn in school.

 

i truly believe, as hard as they are to deal with sometimes, that ADHD kids BELONG in scouting. It does so much for them and gives them a place where they can put that boundless energy to use, they feel accepted and successful.

[red feather]

Scoutmom, congrats also and keep on stroking. I agree with ASM1, join the troop and work to modify the program, it can be done, I am involved with a Troop that was not 'with' the scouting ideals (as I understood) as with support and effort we are now the premier scouting troop in the area. Amazing what new ideas and concepts can do.

 

I believe that with your involvement, your son will join you in the trek.

 

yis

 

[sctmom]

Thanks for all of your support.

 

I'm in the process of getting in touch with a couple of parents that have sons in a nearby troop (not the one we went to). That troop had some adult leadership changes last year. I've emailed these parents asking how things are and if they are doing things that my son would be interested in. Maybe with a little prodding from the parents, their sons will invite my son to a troop meeting. They aren't all best friends but they get along together and see each other at school.

 

[mk9750]

LauraT7 alluded to a very valid point. She said that ADHD kids belong in Scouting. I believe this and more. It is easy to conjure up an image of boys who excel in the Scout program, and that is really cool. But there are a number of categories of youth, ADHD among them, that may not fit the first image of a Scout, yet it is these boys for whom Scouting is really valuable.

 

A year or so ago, we had a boy in the Troop that didn't seem to fit the image. He prefered computers, books, etc. to outdoor activities. Camping, and particularly the work that went into camping (collecting firewood, caring for equipment and such) were well outside his comfort zone. All of this, and a bit of a snobish attitude on his part when dealing with the other boys, made him a target for quite a bit of harassment from his peers. At one campout, in an effort to provide him an opurtunity to complete his rank cooking requirements, the older boys invited him to cook for them if he wanted. His mom convinced him to accept, and coached him to do it with a good attitude, and how to do it well. I believe the boys figured they had a great situation: They would either eat well, or have something else to pick on him for. He did a terrific job! And by doing so, he got a big increase in the respect he got from his peers. And that respect translated into a greater sense of confidence, more willingness to try new experiences, a greater interest in Scouting, and so many other benefits. The "ideal" Scout would have handled this without any remarkable effort or result. But it was one of the guys who wasn't the "all 'round perfect Scout" that showed a number of us how important this program is to other segments of the youth population.

 

We also have a Downs Syndrome boy in our Troop. He is 16 and close to finishing 2nd class. He has never been cut any slack in any of his advancements, and he knows it. It took him and me easily 6 weeks working a little every week for him to remember the hurry cases. But when I finally signed his book, he took a tour around the room high fiving boys and adults in the Troop that made Cal Ripken's look tame. I can't say I understand what activities a Downs Syndrome teenager has available, but I won't believe that this guy has had the oppurtunity to feel the sucesses that he has in Scouts. He might make 1st Class, might not. But I don't think anyone in our Troop has been more sucessful as a Scout that has he. I am so proud that he never quit. And I think he is too.

 

We cringe any time a boy decides to leave Scouting. But we feel we failed the most when the boy who quits is one of these kinds of boys. I applaud LauraT7, sctmom, and all who help their boys (their own or the ones in their Troop) be successes, whether in our out of Scouts. It may not always be easy, but, as with most things in life, often the harder something is, the more satisfying the sucess.

 

Mark

[packsaddle]

sctmom, I sympathize. I had a similar experience with my son (special ed and all) but years of effort have paid off. (Some school officials also have some bruised egos.) I have observed other troops that are very intolerant of kids like him. Some of those gravitate to our troop, some just drift away. Sometimes the boy really does need an experience that is outside scouting and there are plenty of alternatives. I include below an intriguing possibility:

 

http://www.congressionalaward.org/congress/about/about_who.htm

 

I think the parents are the best judges in all cases so I never encourage them against their own judgement.

My son is truly ADD, probably me too. We had to work with him starting at age 4. But he is now finishing High School with honors (AP courses and all) and has been granted early acceptance at a tough university. Last year he completed his Eagle. It is almost scary how straight an arrow he turned out to be. I say this so you will know that good things are always possible, if not easy.

I made an agreement with him regarding Scouts at a time when he was faltering...if he would make it to 1st Class, then he could make his own decision about the trail to Eagle. That was acceptable to him and he chose wisely - and he knows it.

Your son is a bright guy and he'll tell you in his own way what he really wants. I think you are doing great.