Pregnant Leader

[matuawarrior]

I never thought this would happen in my Venturing or Scout Troop unit but it did and now I have to deal with it.

 

One of my female Venturers dropped out of the unit last year after graduating from high school. We dropped her from the roster during recharter. So she was not considered a member until last month. When she came back and volunteered to be an Assistant Scoutmaster with the Troop. She is not a multiple member with the Crew. She is 8 months pregnant and doing fine. She is over 18 years old and has decided to start her family. She even has a part-time job.

 

 

However, some "inactive" parents are suddenly making noise over her condition and participation with the unit. This SA, when she was active with the Crew, earned her Outdoor Bronze, Ranger Award, Gold Award, and was only 2 requirements shy of finishing her Silver Award. Her current duties as an Assistant Scoutmaster are working with the Committee Secretary and Scribe to get our files in order, and update our troop medical records (She was our crew nurse).

 

The complaints made and my responses:

 

1. She is a bad example for the younger scouts.

--- The younger scouts enjoy her company when we have down time. They are too busy to know if she is there or not unless their getting their personnel files reviewed.

 

2. Her pregnancy sends the wrong message to the other girls in the Crew.

--- She is not a member of the Crew. She is registered with the Troop. She did not get pregnant during high school. She waited to start her family after she graduated. We do not discuss sexuality in the BSA, that is left to the family. If your so concerned, why don't you volunteer to help out!

 

 

3. How is she going to help with the troop in her current condition?

--- She is helping with administrative work and updating our medical records.

 

Although, I gave the parents the opportunity to voice their concerns. I have no intentions of letting this volunteer go. This individual graduated from high school last year. She is starting her own family. She came back and volunteered to help. The Charter org and committee approved her application and I'm glad she's with the unit.

 

The committee and "active parents" are behind her as are the other unit Scouters.

 

I don't see a problem. Do you?

 

Matua(This message has been edited by matuawarrior)

[Bob White]

Since shae is not in violation of any BSA membership requirement she only requires the approval of the Committee Chair and either the COR or IH to be an adult member of the troop.

 

Other adults are welcome to have an opinion as long as they realize they have no authority in the matter.

 

Bob White

[OldGreyEagle]

The issue was danced around about as much as you could, so I will ask straight out, is she married?

[nldscout]

Sounds to me like she is not married. But then what difference does it make.

[matuawarrior]

OGE,

 

No, she is not married. I don't think that should matter. I've have and had single mothers serve in the committee. She does plan to get married. Although, no date has been set. Even if she decides not to get married, does that justify the gossip that is attacking her.

 

- - - - -

 

These parents that are complaining are not active with the unit nor do they help out in any way. The complaints just started coming in recently via email and telephone. This SA has been back with us for more than a month and has been a tremendous help to the scouts and units.

 

 

Matua

[scoutldr]

Well, this thread is going to get interesting....

 

Is this a test?

[matuawarrior]

No, this is not a test.

 

It is actually happening with my unit. I was hesitatant in posting, when it started two weeks ago.

 

Matua

[Bob White]

I was wondering if this was going to go beyond a question of eligibility to a question of appropriateness.

 

Since I am not the IH, COR, or CC, of the unit I will not judge this specific person or situation. Since she does not violate any National BSA membership policy it would be in the hands of the Charter Org. to determine her appropriateness as a leader.

 

I will caution you on one thing Matua, you sid in response to a parental concern over this leadewrs ability to set a good example that " The younger scouts enjoy her company when we have down time."

I can think of a number of criteria I would use in selecting a good role model for a child. This would be a very low priority. I can think of a number of adults that would pass that test who I would not want my son to emulate.

 

If she is doing administrative work why register her as an ASM and not as a committee member, unless of course she is under 21. If she is not old enough to be on the committee than I question her decision making ability. To willfully choose to begin a family as an un-married woman under 21 does not give me confidence in her ability to make sound decisions as a scout leader.

 

I admit that I come to this within my own frame of reference, but then the scouting program is largely responsible for thst set of values that I carry.

 

Bob White

[SouthPoleScout]

just another twist here...

 

If the expectant parent were a young man, would this even be an issue?

 

Probably not.

 

 

Just my 2 cents - I think that its great you're keeping your volunteer. She may not have made all the 'right' decisions, but I don't see where volunteering is a bad example. I don't see where offering to help youth in your off time is a bad example. What I do see (from what little you said) is someone trying to find the right course in life... kudos to you for helping.

[dsteele]

Interesting question. I have to answer carfully, and don't usually do that, but here goes . . .

 

I applaud the young lady's desire to start a family and she is an adult. I wish she were married -- it does make a difference to me. But she is 18 and can make her own choices and, indeed, has. I'm not saying the choice is right or wrong, only defending her right to do so.

 

I can see some parents (who have a right to say their piece whether they're registered, or active or both) in who their son's and daughter's role models are) may have concerns about the effect of a young unmarried mother doing anything in the care of their sons.

 

However, I agree with Bob. It's a chartered partner's decision -- regardless of whether it comes from the IH or COR whether the young woman should be an ASM or not. If they approve, so be it. The parents who want to disagree can find another unit for their sons.

 

I hope I'm not breaking any forum political rules here -- if I am, I apologize to all, but I am proud of this young lady for wanting to take care of her unborn child and continue her involvement in whatever way she can to help young people.

 

She is not, as far as anything I've read in this thread, in violation of the membership standards of the Boy Scouts of America and sounds like a very good leader. I would recommend that the chartered partner keep her, but don't have a voice in that matter.

 

I just hope she'll turn out to be the good mom it sounds like she's aiming to be . . . and intent, in that matter, does count. My prayers to her and a salute . . .

 

DS

[Bob White]

South Pole Scout,

I do not think the gender of the leader matters when determining their fitness as a leader. My experience has been that the vast majority of volunteers responsible for approving leaders look at their character and qualifications and gender is rarely viewed as a factor either pro or con. I am sure there are some that do, but they seem to be in a very small minority.

 

Bob White

 

 

[OldGreyEagle]

Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming,

 

Its alright to have an unwed mother in the troop as an official leader? Why are Gay leaders not allowed in Boy Scouts? It's my understanding that its because it has been determined by the BSA that Gays do not present an adequate role model, but a pregnant unmarried woman does? So sex before marriage is not a problem? Is that what is being said? If it was nice gay guy, then he would be banned, but she is ok? I dont see the disconnect, whats the difference? Is this being consistent?

 

 

 

 

[silver-shark]

OGE, I've got to admit that the first time I read this post I was thinking the exact same thing. Then, I remembered a post a month or so ago about a female who had been a stripper prior to becoming a SM.

 

The jist of the post as I remember it was that if she was currently a stripper that was a bad thing, but if she was a former stripper that would be O.K.

 

That being said, I have to wonder how the BSA would handle a formerly avowed homosexual that had changed his or her ways and perhaps even got married to a member of the opposite sex. Could they be reinstated?

 

Additionally, I'm quite certain the subject comes up when she is with the boys during down times. I wonder if the message she is giving during this time is consistent with the BSAs stance on premarrital sex, and full of I wish I hads?

 

Also, if any of us were to kick her out now, would we let her back in after she became married. What is the mankind's statute of limitations on premarrital sex once a person has made themselves right with the Lord.

 

Regardless of the answers that any of us may have to these questions, I personnally have to applaud how the young lady has handled this situation after the fact. It shows the true love and commitment she has to her unborn child, and life in general. I know personnaly that she has a rough road ahead of her, but with hard work determination, and love, she CAN make it.

[Rooster7]

No, she is not married. I don't think that should matter. I've have and had single mothers serve in the committee. She does plan to get married. Although, no date has been set. Even if she decides not to get married, does that justify the gossip that is attacking her.

 

First, Im disappointed if not sickened that some feel it is irrelevant whether or not she is married.

 

Second, I feel it is relevant as to whether or not she recognizes that having a child outside of marriage is wrong. Also, I feel it is relevant whether or not her relationship with the father was serious enough that marriage was inevitable.

 

Third, as for gossip, of course it is never justifiable. However, you are mixing issues here. Make up your mind Is the issue the ASMs fitness or is it the character of the inactive parents? If its the former, I tend to agree with the inactive parents, its not a good example. I wouldnt consider her until she married or at least until she proved herself in other ways over a period of time. If its the latter, I agree that the inactive parents should pay their dues before providing input but they have a right to be concerned. If that concern turns into gossip, then I would address the issue head on and advise them that their behavior is just as inappropriate.

 

Its funnyIm far from perfect. I have made many mistakes in life. So, when I post here on these types of issues, it is not without some self-examination and perhaps even guilt. Nevertheless, the fact that there can be consequences for my bad behavior has never escaped my attention. Nobody is perfect, but I dont believe the world becomes a better place by ignoring the sins of others and pretending everything is fine. If a 18-year-old unwed pregnant girl (you can call her a woman if you really believe it) is accepted as an ASM, I believe it does send the wrong message especially when you consider the fact that your group is a bunch of coed, hormonally inundated, teenagers who need little encouragement to be temped into their own sins.

 

[eisely]

I have to agree with the other posters who point out that parents have a right to be concerned about such things regardless of their own involvement or lack thereof as a volunteer supporting the unit. They also have an obligation to express their concerns to you or other responsible adult leaders (such as CC) directly. As both BW and the Man of Steele have pointed out, it would appear that she has violated no standards of membership, but the chartered organization is also entitled, indeed obligated, to make its own judgment.

 

The point is also well taken about the apparent double standard regarding homosexuals.

 

Good luck.