Traditional /Family Values

[sctmom]

Know what I think God intended for me and a few others I know? That I would not get pregnant even after trying for a number of years, medical doctors have no reason as to why. That young lady would make a "choice" one night about a young man, end up pregnant, realize she could not take care of the child and tell a few relatives. The right people talked to the right people at the right time and 2 months later I'm changing diapers on MY son!

 

Believe me, there have been days why I have flat our asked God why he sent me THIS child. The answer is "There is a reason". I may not know the reason, something about the 2 of us needing each other. Me making a difference in his life and him making a difference in his life. I have access to doctor's, books, counselor's, etc., that his biological parents do not have and they most likely would have a hard time coping with some of his problems.

 

If the young woman and young man had lived by "what God intended" then I would not have a child. And I would be missing out on some very important lessons about life. What God intends is often not what we expect.

 

Did God intend for my sister and her kids to go through the pain of watching my brother-in-law die? I hope not. Since then my sister has found another man to marry, she is happier than she has ever been in her life. Our family quit trying to guess what God intended.

 

 

[slontwovvy]

Traditional values? A big part is three words: manners, manners, manners.

[andrews]

We need to be cautious before "blaming God" for things like that mentioned above. Just because he works through things doesn't mean He causes them. Too many people think God is micro-managing evil in this world for some grand purpose. Things that would get a human thrown into jail are freely attributed to God, and that is not right.

 

As to being glad that your son's birth mother had sex outside marriage - that is really not wise. Just because the outcome was "good" doesn't mean the method to get there was good. She will now have a child she doesn't have a "mother" connection to for the rest of her life, even if they see each other (even alot) down the road. I am a firm advocate of adoption (my family has been made completely that way), but it is not all "sweetness and light" by any means, as you surely know.

 

Also, for every mother who chooses adoption, many more chose to "end the inconvenience" or try to parent and end up in a lifetime of poverty. Reminds me of the Elvis song, "In the Ghetto."

 

A car crash might shock someone into doing something useful with their life, and I am sure we could find examples of such. But it would be quite dangerous to build a "policy" of "car crashes for straightening out lives."

 

Back on my original soapbox point. We live in a world with sin, a devil, and our own stubborn wills - plenty of sources of troubles. It is amazing in many ways that we get anything good at all.

 

Brad

[sctmom]

Yes, many single moms or unprepared parents, live in poverty. They see no way out. A few exceptional ones will make it out, will see a way to end the cycle, it doesn't continue "In the Ghetto."

 

Those of us fortunate enough to know we have choices, should be willing to spend our time helping others see there are choices. Helping them reach those choices. I'm sure most of us know of some point where we could have made a choice that would have ended us on a dead end, but we were able to choose wisely. Many kids do not even know they have a choice beyond their neighborhood. They don't know what a "normal" family looks like. I have a very close friend in her 50's who still fears family get togethers, even with other families, because she doesn't know what "normal" looks like. Her family was abusive - emotionally and physically. She is very smart, graduated college, did graduate work in Psychology but still didn't know about "normal" / "traditional" parenting skills. She knows her child suffered because of it.

 

I agree with those of you who comment on what TV shows as families. Most show parents as blubbering idiots and kids as SOOO smart. Actions happen without consequences. Even the show "Real Life" is NOT real.

 

So, I challenge all of us to reach out and find ways to offer choices. Many young women who become pregnant don't know they have choices. The same with people in domestic violence situations.

 

A quote I just read:

"If you care for your own children, you must take an interest in all, for your children must go on living in the world made by all children."

 

 

[Rooster7]

What do you define as a "choice"? You seem to be dancing around a subject that's near and dear to many of us. I advise you to not go there. It's not going to get solve on this forum, and I don't think it's going to be productive. I have strong feelings on this subject, but I think we are on the very fringes of a "Scouting" debate.

[sctmom]

Rooster, I meant things like staying in school, not getting married early, not doing drugs, if one is pregnant exploring ALL options, how to NOT get pregnant, getting out of abusive situations, getting a decent job, and all those things others have listed as being part of a traditional family --- that you can do that even if you have never been in one.

 

I was not even thinking of the other topics that have been beaten to death on this board.

 

[Rooster7]

I thank you for your patience. Those are the choices that young girls should be thinking about and I absolutely agree with your statements. Unfortunately, another movement has claimed the word "choice" and it has tainted me. So, I meant no offense, and it comforts me to know that we share some of the same thoughts on this topic. I'm not certain I agree with what you may have meant by "ALL" options, but I'll let it rest.

[sctmom]

"I'm not certain I agree with what you may have meant by "ALL" options, but I'll let it rest. "

 

Sorry, I should have been more specific. Options of adoption and raising the child themself (they need lots of emotional support for both of these). Boys also have to make these choices, when talking about unplanned pregnancy, they need to be supported in being a father if the child is not adopted. Help these unplanned parents stay in school and to not have more children until they can support them. If they choose to keep the child, then help them with parenting skills. Doing these things does not send a message of "it's okay to do what you want." These things help break the never ending cycle of poverty and child abuse.

 

 

 

[andrews]

While the male has a choice of his emotional/time involvement after birth, his liability or control over things like child support are totally in the hands of the female. If she decides to raise the child, he is then liable to support the child, and that is being enforced more and more.

 

Brad