Parents Letting Go?

[Chippewa29]

Currently, I'm a SM with a small and young troop. We have a great bunch of kids that I'm trying to work with to develop as leaders before we grow with more Scouts crossing over during the winter/spring. The parents in the troop are very nice people who have formed a very solid troop committee and perform those support functions very well. My dilemma is that these parents don't want to let the kids grow up (even as they say they do) and become more independent. At the end of our meetings, they pick up their son's books and neckerchiefs (taken off during game time) so they won't be forgotten. On campouts, they won't stay out of the way of the Scouts as they are trying to get things cleaned up after meals or packed up (especially their own sons). They won't even let the Scouts leave the campsite or do any activity unless a parent is there with them "to make sure they're safe". I'm not talking about brand new 11 year old Scouts, but 12 year olds that have been with the troop almost two years. I think they need to be left alone to do the work around camp (they've been trained and need the practice on their own) and allowed to take excursions (hikes, games, etc.) away from camp on their own during the weekend. Otherwise, I don't think they'll develop the needed maturity. In comparison to other things, this isn't a huge problem. However, I would like some advice on how to approach the subject with the parents without offending them or saying they are bad parents (which they aren't, they just need to let their sons grow up).

[andrews]

Could you have a parents' meeting expressing just those concerns, in the same tone you wrote here?

 

Brad

[jmcquillan]

On camping trips, try forming an "adult" patrol, with all the same responsibilities as the Scouts. Set up their own tents, cook their own food, clean up after themselves, make schedules and duty rosters for themselves. In short, keep them busy and out of the way. It can be a lot of fun for them, as well as show them what the boys are up against, and how it's suppose to be done, not how they "want" to do it.

 

But as "andrews" said, you'll have to start by sitting them all down, and letting them in on the value of "sitting on their hands", and letting go. As long as they know that the kids are, indeed, being watched and are safe, they'll eventually let go. It may take a little time, but it does work. I know, I've done it. But you DO have to sit with them, face to face, and gently tell them to BUTT OUT...

 

[P_Swigs]

I'll second jmcquillin's post. An adult "patrol" has worked very well in our Troop as well.

 

We had a similar situation with a few parents of an outstanding group of Webelos that joined us last winter. The parents were very active with the Webelos den and they wanted to continue "helping" with the patrol. (That's certainly not a bad thing, as witnessed in other posts about apathetic parents).

 

Needless to say, when the Scoutmaster stated very clearly that parents are to be observers and work within their own "patrols" only, a few egos were wounded. But, things run smoother now, and the boys are developing into a well-oiled machine as a patrol. It all started with a clear statement of goals to the parents. They now understand how things work and the boys are spreading their wings.

[evmori]

Have any of these adults completed Scoutmaster Fundamentals? If not, I would strongly suggest it. I make all the new leaders attend this training course. They will get a better feel for what the Scouts go through.

 

I would also stress that the Scouts are responsible for theis own stuff. Tell the parents to back off from picking up after their sons & then after everyone leaves, pick up all the left items. At the next meeting inform the Troop that some Scouts seem to have lost some things at the last meeting. Hold them up & have the Scouts claim them, BUT don't let them sit down until all the missing items have been claimed. Then, have them perform a Scouting song! Eventually, teh Scouts will get the idea!

 

Ed Mori

Scoutmaster

Troop 1

[Chippewa29]

Just to let everyone know, I told our Scouts last night that I would have details for our Dec. 1 hike for them next Monday and they all needed to bring pen and paper to our next meeting so they can write down the details. I also told a couple of parents that asked me for details that they would need to get them from their kids. Fortunately, I've been talking about getting the Scouts more responsibility for themselves and some of the parents like the idea, but just aren't so sure if they believe it or not.

[dan]

Chippewa29 you really need to sit down with these parents and express what scouting is trying to teach the scouts.

I am a new leader this year. Do not count on Scoutmaster Fundamentals to help much, I took the course 2 months into joining and I learned more at the October campout, from another ASM. He summed it up very well for me, I understood about the boys running the patrol, and boys forgetting things (sometimes I feel like a lost and found box)We where watching the 2 youngest patrols cooking dinner and I said it is so hard to watch them and not give them much advice. The other ASM looked at me and said how many other 11 - 12 year old boys could start a fire with one match and cook over an open fire! They are learing things here that many boys will never know how to do.

 

[FScouter]

Mommy and Daddy go on Scout campouts ?!? Our troop has a policy that Scout campouts are for registered Scouts and registered Scout leaders. We also require registered Scout leaders to go through Scoutmaster Fundamentals. These requirements pretty much eliminate the problem as trained registered leaders are much more likely to let the boys work things out and let them learn the hard way.

 

Schedule more backpacks and fewer car camps. I've found that the doting mommys and daddys aren't so keen to tag along on a backpack outing.

 

Work hard toward establishing a boy-led troop. And remember what R. Baden-Powell said; "Never do anything a boy can do."

[OldGreyEagle]

I am not so sure you can refuse parents to come along on a Camping Trip. Boy Scouts is an open program and I cant see how you could intentionally keep parents away. Besides, most of the registered leaders we have come from parents just tagginf along and then seeing how much fun the "regulars" have and more importantly see that no one person has to work like a dog. I wouldnt ever think keeping parents away is a good thing, but then, thats just my opinion

[Chippewa29]

I definitely have to agree with OGE on not restricting the parents from going. With such a small group, we've had times where parents have even had to come in shifts due to their schedules so we could make sure we always had at least two adults present. Also, as OGE said, you can pick up help by getting them on campouts. Two of our dads that have recently become more active on our troop committee did so because they came on campouts, had fun, and saw what a positive thing it would be for their sons if they helped out. Besides, about a decade (and five SM's) ago, my troop tried something like that. The parents threw an absolute fit and wondered why the Troop leaders wanted to "shut them out" of the events with the kids.

[P_Swigs]

Parental support for Scouting... what a great thing! Bring 'em all, educate them on the patrol method and the importance of the boys learning (and failing) on their own, and watch the Troop prosper.

[FScouter]

Agreed that parent involvement needs to be encouraged and not squelched. It just needs to be channeled in the right direction. We had one campout where Dad brought his six year old son along. And a mom that refused to use a pit toilet and wanted us to go to a different campground that had flush toilets. One kid quit the troop, and I know that his Dad's constant nagging at troop meetings and campouts was a big part of the reason. Some of the parents just don't understand BSA aims and methods, and the concept of a "boy-led" troop.

 

I've now got a new dad that wants to go on our next campout. Do other troops have any kind of guidelines or rules for moms, dads, and siblings that want to come along?

[OldGreyEagle]

The only requirement we have for parents on campouts is that the scouts come first. Recently we had a joint Venture/Scout Whitewater trip. A Scouts mom comming allowed us to have our female ventures stay overnight. The mom didnt beleive us when we said she wouldnt have to cook or clean and was thrilled beond belief when our predictions all came true. Chalk up another enthisiastic adult leader that was passively recruited. if a non-scout comes along as in the 6 year old case, the only rule is the family has to take care of the child. Then again, if we dont have a 1:2 ratio of adults to scouts, and we usually have 20-25 scouts on a trip, we are down in leaders Invite and school them into letting the kids do it, it works!!!

[Mike Long]

Moms, Dads and Legal Guardians are always welcome to attend any of our events. Siblings are welcome but are the sole responsibility of the parent not the troop or any the troops members or officers.

The trips are the boys trips and not those of the parents or siblings. If you are not a boy scout you are along for the ride. If someone tries to "take over" the trip from the boys or registered adult leaders then they are asked to leave. Adults that wish to attend our high adventure trips must meet the same physical requirements as the boys and siblings are not allowed to go.

[Robin]

OldGreyEagle, is a ratio of 2 Scouts to 1 leader for camping compulsory for you?