CM turned SM vs 14yr BSA Leader

[Basementdweller]

Calico.....I will most certainly not apologize. It is my opinion after wading thru those two rants that she needs help. I was being serious not cruel.

 

starfish I believe you need to speak with someone about this outside of your family and scouting to help you sort it out.

[Jeffrey H]

"My situation is different,as no one ever filed my Applications and added me to any charter since 2004(the Troop did not,as the felt it was an unnecessary expense,to be "dually-chartered",so they left it to the Cubs to file the charter,as my role at that time was primarily with the Cubs)..."

 

Actually, foul-ups on recharters are not uncommon. The BSA organization is primarily run by volunteers and mistakes and oversights happen all the time. I have to deal with corrections every year on our re-charter I have a Den Leader that is registered as an Assistant Den Leader, but is really a Den Leader. However, for some odd reason, Council keeps getting this wrong. Sometimes, they leave off an adult leader for an unexplained reason. It's a good personal practice to request a copy of your membership card.

 

Based on your side of the story, I'm very sorry that you have been through a negative experience. Did you ever contact the police about the assault/battery?

 

Work of advice if I may - Keep your posts short with the question you want answered and you will get better reponses. Some folks do not bother to respond to extremely long posts. Nothing personal, but your posts are way too long and have too much unnecessary detail.

 

 

[gsdad]

I am still scratching my head as to why you would want your still active 11yo to be part of this troop, and why you are fighting so hard to be part of a group that doesn't want you there. Clothes and shoes are made in different sizes because one size does not fit all. Packs, troops, sports teams, and other social groups are the same way.

 

The two best things you can do are:

1) Find another troop for your son

2) Step away for a bit.

 

There has to be more to your life than Scouting. I am not trying to be mean. Look within yourself and find out what void you are trying to fill with Scouting.

[moosetracker]

As someone who has moved with their son to not one, but two different troops before finding a good match, I agree.. Move.. You are getting personal pride, and maybe nostolgic history get tangled into doing the right thing for your son..

 

Your first son had wonderful years in this troop, but leadership has changed, and the troop is but a set of numbers and a meeting place.. The rest is it's leadership.. The boys leadership if the adult leadership will let it shine through. The adult leadership if they choose to overshadow the boys leadership.. All the events and good memories and learning and growing take place amoungst the people that form the group.

 

Your son is not learning anything about boy leadership, self confidence, citizenship or anything else.. All he is, is a pawn in an adult war.. Not unlike what divorced parents will sometime do to their own children. But you are not tied to this troop the way two divorcing biological parents remain tied to the children between them.. You can walk away, if you swallow your pride, and your need to win, and put your son first.

 

As someone else has stated, it will be a huge monumental weight lifted off your shoulders.. Also as others stated, enjoy being a parentor if the new troop has a need join in the committee, don't try to be an ASM. Even without your history, this is recommended of parents with new crossovers.. Allow your son to find his own wings in the new patrol and new troop, and be his own man..

 

Many troops do not have an open door policy to anyone being ASM if they so choose. If is more of a Selected process, so they don't have a overage of adults, that drown out the leadership of the boys.

 

Unfortunatly what others said is correct. You made no friends by going to the DE or higher.. The COR & CO is as high as internal spats go. They can hire and fire any volunteer for any reason. But, I am surprised your DE did not explain this to you the first time you complained to him. If he did not, then him getting your repeat visits was his own fault.

 

Your Unit Commissioner helps your unit, but also can not tell the Co or the volunteers what to do.. They can help, but are an outsider similar to the DE.

 

If you and your husband were paying to be rechartered, and found the unit did not put you on the charter, well ask for that money back. If your unit pays the adult volunteers chartering fees, well they can cut corners & expenses and just charter bare minimum.. Happened to me in Cub scouts.. They told all of us they would take care of our charter fees.. I was on the committee the whole time my son was in Cub Scouts.. It was not until I got to boy scouts I found I was chartered the first year, and not the other years.. They chose to charter only the CC and 2 other committee members the CM & DL's.. Saved them money.. Had I known, I would have paid for myself.. From then on, I did pay for myself.

[ScoutNut]

>>"If you and your husband were paying to be rechartered, and found the unit did not put you on the charter, well ask for that money back."

[moosetracker]

Good point Scoutfish. She did mention duel registrations.. In which case if you pay registration costs and the Pack registered you, then you don't have an issue with the Troop about the any registration fees they owe you.

[SeattlePioneer]

Unfortunately, it's quite common for units to delay or to neglect registering youth and adults. Probably that's a combination of the nuisance of getting applications completed and processed and avoiding spending money for registrations.

 

The only time quite a few units get caught up is when rechartering. Perhaps others leave people off the books even then.

 

I suppose this is the mirror image of Councils that add phantom Scouts to the membership that they claim!

[Starfish2]

Open Letter to all who have followed this string for the past 3 days....

 

I promised I would post nothing further,but again,i keeping with the very basic premises of the BSA,I feel I owe it to the folks who continued to write...and finally,finally provided some very specific.very concrete suggestion...all of which I have-and will continue to take heed.

 

I have learned much in the past few months,and to the writer who bashed me originally for being within the organization for 14 years but knowing so little...I can honestly say,I now know far,far more,I've gained insight and knowledge in the BSA world,but also basic human behavior.Most of it was painful,and has come at a high price,but in the end, I think I one day this will all be a mere shadow of a memory for all involved-but me.I won't necessarily remember each and every painful detail,but I know this.I will remember and walk away having learned a very valuable lesson...more than one actually,and I also think that in some strange way,I just may be a better person for it all.

 

I had no ideea that the BSA Council had such relationships,that the inner workers of a Troop,the CO,the Committee...all of the groups involved,had the types of relationships they did...not a clue.I really thought everyone worked together,and would,for the greater good of a boy,.a family,their Leaders, the Troop,and overall,the BSA Organization.I never knew it was so..."politically complex"(I'm trying to be nice!).I do know now.Too little too late.I turned to this website,I was hoping I'd get some kindhearted people,maybe experienced in the petty actions that go on in the Troops...and how best to deal with them.Hindsight is 20/20..right?I cannot go back,would that I could.I CAN go forward though...and I no doubt will-although a break and some time away might be a very good idea to all who suggested it.(Remember when I wrote one writer....SW are really people too!We are human,we really can and do have issues too!).

 

I've actually learned even more...I've learned proper web site etiquette, I've learned that people can and will act and behave in ways I may not want them to-even if I request it(as I wrote in my second posting..."Please stop reading if you don't want to be involved and help,I don't want bashing I need advice"...people will continue to remain involved and behave poorly whether I request the do so or not...its human nature and their choice...and yes,people will do whatever they decide THEY want to do,not what I want them to do.

 

And finally,probably the greatest lesson...I learned that no matter what I feel or believe,I cannot control others...in fact,I have no control over anyone but myself..including my husband, and 11 year old son.Each of us is responsible for everything we do,everything we say,everything we write...every part of our own lives are within our control,and no one else's, and as such, are therefore responsible for our own selves as well.I am responsible for all I have done, all I have said, all I intended(right or wrong).That's the bottom line,and there is "no other avenue or way".It's very clear cut(although the road to reaching that point,that place in time where you can stand atop a mountain,and see everything for mile after mile...only then can you say..."Ah, I see!"

 

I get it now.I have answers.Its not the way I would ever have preferred to get those answers, but I think I have a pretty clear picture,now,of what can be done, what cant....and most importantly, what need to be done.

 

And, with the wonderful words and expressions of kindness shown me,for people I am so grateful to..these are the people who are here for our sons.These are the folks who are responsible for producing the Eagles of tomorrow.

 

Thank you all once again,on behalf of each member of my family,for your guidance,suggestions and confidence.Its because of you...ALL of you(even the ones who may have been well intentioned but wrote words that were harsh (name calling,questioning authenticity,credentials,suggesting professional help,refusing to answer unless aq posting was written in a certain format....,these were words tough to read when one is seeking answers. Your words affect people, your words have power-to build up or to tear down. Perhaps you didn't know you could have the impact you did.

 

Maybe you...the other writers/posters...maybe each of you,some of you,few of you...or one of you, will walk away from this posting, and say..."I didn't realize that my actions were the way they were..maybe in the future,I'll try it a different way".I don't know.I don't want to be accused yet again of babbling(I know that I am writing a long post,or taking up even more of anyone's precious time,each word Ive written was done with careful thought, and the simple desire to ensure to each and every individual out there,knows that their comments have impacted another-good or bad, right,wrong,maybe even indifferent.).I realize it,I see it,but you don't have to read it if you don't want too...that is your choice..I am not forcing you,and you know as well as I do,I can't make you read my words,understand or take heed,no matter how hard,or how much I wish I could).Nonetheless...each writer has had an impact-not just on me,but on everyone else here,everyone who read each posting...AND everyone who may. come back to this entry a month ,year or decade from now...this is the internet,and this is 2012..these words don't disappear,no matter how much we may wish they would.

 

If everyone in life would just take a second...and be even a little nicer to one another, too...it really is a very hard and difficult world we all live in right now.No one knows for sure what their neighbor is enduring....and last time I heard,there were an awful lot of problems going on in our country.I happen to know,firsthand, that problems in this world reach far beyond the boundaries of USA as well(I sit here,typing away,t' holding a handwritten letter from an 18 yr old Eagle Scout,my own son,not knowing if his next plane trip will lead him to life in Africa,Afghanistan... where?). BSA issues,SM vs ASL problems, heck..what about the BIG PICTURE? I mentioned the book, "Everything I need to know,I learned in Kindergarten".If we don't get it now...if most of us don't understand,and at least take the time to try...I am afraid we likely never will.I'll never believe it's too late for change-because to do so would be giving up,and I am not now nor will ever be a "quitter".Food for thought.Am I babbling?Only you can judge that for yourself.I'd hope to someone,anyone...that maybe my words might actually make some sense,although I am certain not everyone will see them that way.It's ok though, because I am doing what needs to be done.

 

I am writing now, I am choosing to do this,at my time and expense-you all can decide for yourselves if you want to invest any of your time in reading what I have written.Your decision and choice...I cant make anyone do anything...remember?.If you are in a place yourself, and are here for whatever reason...step back before you share ideas.Think before your speak....and ask yourself questions.Is this really what I should be doing,not just as a person on this website,or as a Scouter,but as a Human being with a heart that beats...lungs that work,a body intact.You never know the full scale and capacity of anyone's angst in life-even if you are privileged enough to have them share it with you. No one in this world is entitled to ANYTHING...this is the mindset of the majority of this world,and in the end...its incorrect.We are not entitled to ANYTHING,not anything.Each day you live and breathe...each one,is a gift,and a gift can be taken away, gone in a second without a moment's warning.

 

Know this,please.Every single one of you...has made a difference.You matter.

 

For this,I want to say,one last time ALL OF YOU(and yes,from the bottom of my heart), ...THANK YOU.

 

Starfish2

[Basementdweller]

As a standard ASM or SM you probably won't see the charter anyhow.....So honestly how do you know if you were rechartered?????

 

Membership card is one way...

 

Multiples are tough......make sure you get both membership cards.

[moosetracker]

I know our Council only gives out one membership card, and I do know I was multi-registered.

 

Starfish - this line worries me and I am not now nor will ever be a "quitter". I hope this does not mean you are going to continue your fight in this troop. Because the advise that is given here, that of moving to a different troop is not telling you to quit. It is telling you to take control of your life, standup for yourself and your family, and move out from an abusive situation.

 

Consider if your son grew up and was in a job with an abusive boss. Makes him work long hours, tells him his work is worthless, threatens to fire him every week, and ridicules him around his co-workers. So if he has a family counting on his paycheck, you may not want him to quit with no new position. But, wouldn't you want him to look for another job that will be 100% better? Wouldn't you want him to be happy?.. If he found a great job, that treated him well and he had great opportunity for advancement, and was respected and appreciated for his talents.. Would you call him a quitter for leaving the first job?

 

Leaving this troop for a better troop, one that will treat your son and his family well, is not quitting.

 

[SeattlePioneer]

When I returned to Scouting as a volunteer in 2004, the first Troop I volunteered with had some issues I didn't care for. I considered staying with the troop and working to achieve the things I thought were important.

 

I decided not to do that, and transferred to another troop a mile away that had other issues, but which was doing things I supported.

 

You CAN fight city hall. Sometimes it may be worthwhile. But I'd seriously consider the alternatives.

[Basementdweller]

Ya folks can say what you want.....

 

Starfish has sent me a number of PM's Ranting......Simply ranting....

 

 

She has some mental health issues and needs help.

 

So please get some help before you hurt yourself or someone else....