CM turned SM vs 14yr BSA Leader

[Starfish2]

Mine is a VERY long issue so I do apologize in advance,its also pretty confusing.It is VERY HURTFUL. Will do my best to present facts.After serving 14 yrs w BSA,I am HEARTBROKEN.I(n 1999 I was recruited with my FIVE YR OLD SON,to become Tiger leader the day he turned 6.Had GREAT EXPERIENCE,loved every second,group was new Pack with 2 Men(CM & ACM),rest all women.GROUP WAS FAMILY,saw me thru 2 pregnancies,fantastic group.Moved up ranks as Leader each yr w/my son,became CMx2YRS,remaining on even AFTER son graduated to help new CM("Mr.W")who only stepped up in '04after I pleaded,guy had HEART OF GOLD,but was abused by group,led by BULLY PARENT,MALE,EX MARINE(hereforth referred as Mr.S)who saw combat,has psych issues(Im LICENSED SW,& QUALIFIED TO MAKE DIAGNOSIS)Mr S is SATAN INCARNATE.Put Mr.W,a 45YO MALE PROFESSIONAL thru hell-w/mistreatment by Mr S.& posse of parents.Next yr,CM finally stepped down,and Marine took over(had refused to do so initially when asked,as was going thru messy divorce).Mr S served as CM from 2004-2011,.I returned to CS w/2nd son in 2006,as Tiger Leader w/2nd son.From DAY 1,had issues w Mr S,CM.Paranoid as I had been CM(although I had NO DESIRE or ever considered being CM again,happy in my little den.Mr S verbally abused me,gossiped,spread lies,etc etc for 6 YRS.I looked forward to moving in to BS w/son upon bridging--until I learned Mr S was becoming SM @same time.Have endured blatant lies,nasty comments,while I have NEVER reacted.From 5/2011,updated paperwork to reflect AS to Troop.Served actively 5/2011,completing Eagle project w/eldest son,Asst SM for younger newbie.May 2012,informed that in Feb my application would not be renewed,& was not replaced on Charter.Also,my husband(who served 8 yrs as AS in Troop as well)was also left off-reason SM stated was made by CC and CR,"Too Many Leaders"LOL!"(No of leaders now down by 50% since we joined).Feel completely betrayed.Requested SM reconsidere,spoke to CC and CR,both stated we had not attended meetings.Then found we were removed email distribution list when rechartered(no one believed us,until finally Commisioner investigated,substantiated my claims)Bottom line-Eagle Scout son chose previous SM of 10yrs(ALSO MY COUSIN)&PreviousCM to lead Court,an 'insult'to SM,CC.SM is taking yrs of personal anger towards me,out on my entire family.Removing us from LEADER POSITIONS AFTER 20YRS COMBINED EXPERIENCE BECAUSE TOO MANY LEADERS,yet we still have 11 YR OLD IN GROUP,when 6 current leaders HAVE HAD SONS GRADUATE&LEAVE,yet permitted to remain ACTIVE TROOP.ALSO as Mr S possse of parents have sons coming up into Troop,he informed HE WILL ADD THEM AS 'FRESH LEADERS WHO CAN GIVE MORE".Reported this to Sr.District Evecday after told,1st wk in May.Sr DE made TONS of promises,did NOTHING.DE ADVISED TO SHOW UP,CONT AS LEADERS IN FULL CLASS A UNTIL SITUATION RESOLVED.Reprimanded by Mr S CC for doing so.Further,3 incidents have now occurred-reported ALL TO BSA Sr DE.Mr S has verbally reprimanded me,incl name calling in presence of boys/leaders,in memorial Day parade,Mr S, approached me,initiated screaming(I said not a WORD),as he was doing so,another AS approached me,pulled me by the arm,removing me from my location in group in Parade,leaving bruise(shown to Sr.DE next day in BSA office when incident reported).Last,on 6/18,Mr S cursed and shouted at me in presence of 3 boys(& my 9yr old dtr).ALL REPORTED TO BSA SR DE,who has refused to take any action,states,"THIS IS A CHARTER ORGANIZATION ISSUE AND CHARTER REP HANDLES IT".CR refuses to bring issues to organization,makes decisions INDEPENDENTLY-with Mr S and CC ONLY.Finally,during course of this entire mess,it was discovered that while working w/MR, in his role as CM,he failed to EVER FILE A SINGLE DOCUMENT ON MY BEHALF,NO PAPERWORK EXISTS SHOWING MY ROLES SINCE I LAST FILED W COUNCIL IN 2004.Mr S has turned so many against me,I know my days w BSA are over,damage is irreparable,however,I REFUSE TO BACK DOWN ON ISSUES-VERBAL ABUSE,PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION W INJURY HE INSTIGATED & WITNESSED,THEN LAUGHED ABOUT W OTHER MALE LEADERS,CURSING AT ME IN PRESENCE OF 3 SCOUTS ON 6/18,and FACT THAT HE FAILED TO EVER FILE ANY DOCUMENTATION ON MY BEHALF.Most infuriating,BSA refuses to ACT,passes buck to CHARTERING AGENCY WITH",only CR MAY,and he refuses,intimidated by Mr S.My husband has given up,our 11 yr old is DEVASTATED(after 15 months,Mr S has STILL FAILED TO AWARD HIM SCOUT RANK!When I asked how to file a complaint against Mr S,& Asst SM who grabbed and pulled me physically,BSA stated they will "have to find out"how to advise me of complaint process.Mr S is a loose canon,I witnessed him,in course of activities w/BSA approx 3 yrs ago,grab his minor child by his arm,and physically pull at.lift 8 yr old child by arm,swinging from Marine arms over head,all the while boy was shrieking and screaming.Other CL and parents present,I was intimidated into keeping my mouth shut-"its his own son and this is his way of disciplining him".I now know that I was not a 'recognized Leader even,since Mr S never filed ANY of my paperwork...essentially also stealing 8yrs of service from me(awards,knots,etc all eligible and deserved,but now,I will never see. FINAL THOUGHT-My name,reputation so tarnished,I was called an "F---ING TROUBLEMAKER"in front of SCOUTS,I was physically touched inappropriately IN PRESENCE OF THIS SM,THIS SM HAS NEVER FILED ANY DOCUMENTS ON MY BEHALF,and although the BSA IS AWARE AND KNOWS,they refuse to take ANY ACTION TOWARD BEHAVIOR OF MR S.How can I get the BSA ORGANIZATION TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST MR S,AND AT LEAST INVESTIGATE MY CLAIMS.I have been stripped of ALL RIGHTS,TOLD TO CEASE & DESIST ACTS ON BEHALF OF BSA(By SM),and that although our 11 yr old is "welcome",WE ARE OUT.Charter Agency is being named as responsible,but I am FORBIDDEN TO TAKE FURTHER ACTION.I reported this to Mayor, and to NJ State Senator who called BSA Sr DE...yet still...nothing.

VERY MUCH APPRECIATE ANY SUGGESTIONS,FEEL AS IF I LOST MY FAMILY.(APOLOGIZE FOR LENGTH OF THIS STRING)

[shortridge]

A few bits of advice;

 

1. You're in this for your sons. Divorce your own feelings, bitterness about adult recognition, knots, etc., from all the rest of this. Figure out what your sons want and need.

2. Consider whether you'd want your son in a troop which says you are not welcome.

3. You are likely not going to get what you want. Issues such as this are generally the CO's call.

4. Use paragraph breaks and don't type in all caps. It looks like you're screaming.

[CalicoPenn]

You should have called the police over immediately after the ASM assaulted you. Do you have an attorney friend? Consult him/her about filing an assault charge against him now then have the attorney take the assault complaint to the head of the chartering organization and tell him/her that you are preparing a lawsuit against the CO for failing to control their leaders, as agents of the CO, leading to a physical assault.

 

Then find a new Troop - because if the head of the CO has any sense, he'll shut down the Troop immediately - scorched earth.

 

Or just find a new Troop for your youngest son (because if he wants to become Eagle Scout, he won't do it in this Troop - 15 months and he's not been given the Scout badge? After Webelos and probably AOL to boot? Your son doesn't have a chance with these bozos.

[BadenP]

Sorry Starfish,

 

Your post smacks of someone trolling this site with a nicely made up yarn, which if true this is not the place to seek advice it is a matter for the courts. Pure and simple.

 

Your best advice has already been given, go and find another troop, rather than go to war with the SM and ASM which will get you nowhere. Don't waste your time, money or energy going after these guys. The council SE will not get himself in the middle of a personal feud. Let you and your boy find another troop you feel comfortable with and really experience what scouting is supposed to be.

 

PS If you really are just another troll to this forum you will be found out quickly

[CCbytrickery]

Tough to read. Use paragraphs and less caps.

 

Sounds like you are more upset over the way you are being treated than your son not getting rank or being treated differently. If you don't like it, leave the troop. If you don't like the way your son is treated, have him leave the troop. Simple.

 

Everything is just heresay. No documentation = no proof. BSA says stop and walk away, you should probably heed their words. seriously, the Mayor and state senator? What do you think they could do? The BSA is not some "old boys club" (that would be Woodbadge and Order of Arrow, lol)--I have serious doubts about this entire story.

 

I have to say, though, that if some guy was verbally abusive or touched me, he'd probably be spitting out his teeth, because my husband would NOT tolerate that crap. And if he didnt' handle it, I would.

[AnniePoo]

I'm sorry, but your post is impossible to read. I gave up after the second sentence because my eyes were hurting. We are willing to read and comment, but you first need to re-write with (1) paragraphs; (2) no ALL CAPS (it is considered to be "yelling" and rude); and (3) readable sentences.(This message has been edited by AnniePoo)

[AnniePoo]

The space bar and return key are your friends. The caps lock key is not your friend.

 

Really.

[SeattlePioneer]

Doesn't sound like a MSW to me. Not AT ALL.

 

 

 

 

[Basementdweller]

Paragraphs are nice too.....Probably posted from an Iphone.....

 

 

Troll

 

Maybe....

 

But I gotta ask who was/is paranoid....

 

 

Simple fix find another troop and get over it.

 

 

[BSA24]

Deleted previous comment.

 

I really can't tell what this story is about. I tried to read it twice, but it is such a badly written wall of text that it is impossible to make out what the issue is.

 

However, after reading it, I was reminded of a common problem of the den leader mom who wants to be an ASM in a chauvinist boy scout troop.

 

I've had a few of these angry phone calls over the years. "I was a den leader for five years, and now my little Billy is in that troop and I am supposed to be his scoutmaster and they won't let me." Then following that is a lot of accusations and drama designed to make it all look far worse than it was.

 

Usually what has really happened is that Den Leader "Mom" was told that all of the ASM's are old eagle scouts, and the troop doesn't want "Mom" as a leader.

 

"Mom" is highly offended and has enjoyed helicoptering over her children to date as their leader. Now she's cut off and all of the scout leaders are paranoid control freaks with psychological problems.

 

I have no idea if that is the situation with this person who is posting here, because only an Egyptologist will ever figure out what that obelisk of pictographs above is trying to tell us.

 

But it is an interesting situation worth discussing. It happens a lot.(This message has been edited by BSA24)

[ScoutNut]

Why on earth would you have your son join a Pack with someone you characterize as "SATAN INCARNATE", and then stay there, putting up with "verbally abused me,gossiped,spread lies,etc etc for 6 YRS" ??

 

Six years, really? I would not have stayed six minutes.

 

Then, to top it off, since you obviously did not get enough the prior six years, you put your son in the Troop "SATAN INCARNATE" was SM of, and stayed with him for another two years!

 

Stop the drama/insanity.

 

Find a new Troop for your sons to join, and take a bit of a break from leadership yourself.

 

[Jeffrey H]

Your story is very hard to read and follow - Use breaks between your sentences and use paragraphs.

 

I did gather enough of your story to say this: If your story is true and actual abuses took place and laws were broken, a call to local law enforcement should have occurred somewhere during this time. Have you notified the police?

 

 

[perdidochas]

As most everybody else says, paragraphs and spaces are your friends, use them.

 

Second, why in the world did you remain with this bozo as leader? Start searching for another troop ASAP.

 

Third, you should have filed assault charges after the Memorial Day parade.

[gsdad]

I'd be interested in reading the other version of the story.

 

You should have found another troop long ago.

 

Your husband also needs a gut check. Nobody, Marine or not, puts their hands on my wife.

[AlamanceScouter]

Haven't we read this story before?