The leaders kid

[AlamanceScouter]

I am a DL and I have often thought about how hard I can be on my son during Scout events and Den meetings and how it is not fair to him. I think I know that I am so busy that I can't afford to let him get close to being out of line so I see the least little thing and I get on him about it. He is a good kid who is energetic.......I am just glad that he still wants to be a Scout!

[DeanRx]

I've seen it both ways, a leader's kid who runs amok for various reasons, dad too busy with unit leadership to notice, kid has a condition (ADHD, Aspergers, etc..), or maybe that families idea of discipline is far more liberal on the bell curve than most other parents in the pack.

 

I've also seen the leader's kid who involuntarily gets to show up early and stay late setting up and tearing down, cleaning equipment, has to be the example. My son would tell you he can't stand to hear "lead by example" from me as the CM's son when his buddies are goofing off and he wants to be doing the same.

 

I think it is a fine line one must walk as a leader to BALANCE the unit time and your son's time and attention so that you don't neglect either to the point of burnout.

 

As for the parenting: unless a kid is being disruptive to the point of the leaders having to STOP program or doing something to harm themselves or others, let it go. If its really bad, maybe have a talk with the parent off line away from the offending act. You have nothing to gain by calling out the scout or his parent in front of the group.

 

Finally, parenting is a lot like drivers on the road... all those going slower than you are morons and anyone going faster is a maniac! If a fellow adult's approach is more linient than you'd be, they are a moron, if they are far stricter than you, they are a heli-parent / over-protective / over-discipled.

 

In times, I've come to see that is has much more to do with one's personal PERSPECTIVE than the actual parenting. Most kids will turn out fine as long as they have a parent that cares enough to be involved with their life.

[Scoutfish]

A couple more points to consider here:

 

1) Every parent looks at their own kid with a bias. If our kid is good, he is sooooo much better than your kid. Your kid is awful!

 

If our kid is bad, he's te worst kid ever and we will get on him for doing something that we think is cute when your kid does it.

 

 

2) As a parent who is at the den meeting, you are mostly focused on/working with, handling your own child while the DL is focused on/working with/ controling everybody's child. So all the non leaders kids who's parents are trhere have a dedicated adult partner while the leaders kid has less than an entire adult paying attention to or working with him.

 

3) I have noticed that some parents see the leaders kid start doing working on an activity before before they or their own child does because they are listening to the DL explain what it is they are going to do. They think the leaders kid is just a impatient uncontrolled child who can't pay attention and learn.

 

What they do not realize is that the leaders kid has seen, helps work on/ is a guinnea pig for the activity.

 

What I mean is, is that the leaders kid may have already worked on, and help the DL prepare the activity. He already knows what it is they are going to do inside, outside and backwards.

 

And in the same way, the leaders kid has done alot of activities the other scouts ahve not because as a leaders kid...he's at every event.

 

Your son may have missed 3 meetings ina row, but the leaders son not only attended, he lives it at home to.

 

4) Some children are just awful brats! Not ones with developmental issues or conditions. Some are perfectly healthy, mentally fit nothing wrong at all kids who ate just mean little jerks! It just happens this one belongs to the DL/CC/CM, etc.....

[kari_cardi]

I think the percentage of leader's sons who have behavior issues is about the same as the percentage of scouts with behavior issues whose parents are not unit leaders, or at least that is my experience.

 

I also have no problem correcting the behavior of youth in any setting, at meetings, playgrounds, parks, wherever; or letting their parents know there is a problem they need to handle. I use the same methods I use with my own kids - a quiet reminder with a suggestion for a more appropriate activity.

[BSA24]

I too have observed this. As a CM, my son was a total PITA. He would behave worse during a pack meeting than any other situation he was in - mostly because I was on stage and couldn't really get to him.

 

I tried to make this better for his DL. I would attend den meetings, and I would stomp him out like a campfire when he burned too hot. I also authorized all leaders very clearly to do what was needed to keep him from ruining it for other kids.

 

I took other steps too, that I recommend to all CM's and DL's: He went last always. I never gave him his awards first. I never let him be the denner first. I never put him on stage with me. I did everything I could to make sure that he was not put in front of the other youth. This was not easy. My wife fought me on it. She thought I should use my position to favor him and justified it with my time and energy I donated as compensation. I refused. I put him last, last, last all the time.

 

I did this because I took the CM job not to benefit my son, but to benefit the scout unit. By taking the job, probably the biggest sacrifice was not really being able to be a scout dad like I wanted to be. I was everyone's uncle instead.

 

DL's and CM's, the other parents see you making your kid the denner without a vote. They see you sticking every badge known to man on them. They see you gaming the system to favor your kid. They see it, and they don't like it. They may not call you on it to your face, but it is spoken about.

[Tampa Turtle]

wahooker, I am in a similar boat with a Tourettes, OCD, ADHD, Austistic lad. He works much better with others but I need to be "in the area just in case" which seems to be less and less as years go by.

 

I think if you have a boy with disabilities all your concerns can get amped up. You really want them to succeed at scouting because you fear how will they function in the real world as an adult and yet there are times you can't just let them go because they truly aren't ready. When my boy was a Bear he really would just walk in front of cars--he is lucky he isn't dead--so someone had to keep an eye on him.

 

I like Boy Scouting better as it lets you be a little more hands off.