It stinks being a leaders son

[CricketEagle]

I am in a similiar situation. Except I have multiple sons in on the Troop and Pack level. I am a den leader in the pack and a ASM in the troop.

 

Someday your son will fully understand and appreciate what you have done...but I completely understand as the boys get older not wanting to be a leaders son.

 

The trick that at least three sets of parents in our troop level use is to pick events to "Not show up at". ie the leader/parent does not show up, so the leader's son gets a chance to be just another one of the boys. In other words, let them goof off and screw up sometimes.

 

It helps the boys to decompress.

 

[kari_cardi]

I think like most things in life being the leader's son has advantages and disadvantages. We've had boys who didn't want to continue in cub scouts with their parent as a den leader, so two den leaders swapped dens. All of our dens meet on the same night so this is easy for us. And I don't force my sons to attend everything, though it is encouraged. Like a lot of Webelos, my son lost interest for a while last year. We talked with his den leaders and everyone agreed that it was time for a break. After a few months off, he came back and caught up with his friends very quickly. I'm sure my sons feel some pressure, but overall they love scouts and tell us so frequently in words and actions.

 

Some of the problems come with overbearing, demanding parents. We have one of these dads in the troop. The pressure he puts on his sons to do everything and do it first make everyone uncomfortable, not just his boys. It isn't a scouting issue, it is a parenting issue. Those boys would be miserable if they weren't scouts, and at least in scouting they have the occasional break when dad can't make the camping trip.

[Tampa Turtle]

I would think it would stink if you really did not want to be there. I am usually one of the regular campers but sometimes don't attend just so my boy can do activities without me around.

[AnnLaurelB]

Thank you for this thread! I couldn't have helped at Day Camp, anyway, but I was glad (being my son's DL and CM) to send him off with his buddies (I didn't even carpool; I was lucky!) all day for fun in the sun without me.

 

He was pleased when I turned up for lunch the last day, and he showed me all the stuff he'd been doing all week, and introduced me to his Camp Den. It was great to see him succeed without my ubiquitous CUB-MOM-NESS.

 

Our Pack has been struggling, and a few months ago, he overheard me on the phone saying, "If we have to let it go, and merge with another Pack, we'll do that..." When I got off the phone, he said, "But...but Mom. I like YOUR Pack. I don't WANT us to go to another Pack!"

 

Made it all worth it. :0)

[Venividi]

When I first became a scout leader, I was much like Basementdweller's description. Organizing every meeting, making arrangements for whatever, on troop outings being SM, making reservations, creating and collecting permission slips, packing up my truck with troop gear before a campout, unloading it into the scout shed after the campout.

 

I was a slow learner. Finally realized that I was making the unit weaker by doing so much myself. It was difficult getting scouts and parents to start doing all those things, but over ensuing months and years, the unit became stronger because more people were sharing the work.

 

I did take secret delight when a parent that stepped up to making campground reservations complained that no one else ever volunteered to help her. (She had a son in the troop for several years before she volunteered for anything, and then only because I told the troop committee what I would no longer be doing, and if the parents didn't start doing those things, they wouldn't get done).

 

One of the best skills that I received from scouting was the ability to delegate. It's really not that hard, but you have to have faith, and accept that things will be done differently than you would do them. and sometimes not at all. Sometimes a campout is missed because no one volunteers. Sometimes the unit will need to buy new tents because no one set up and aired out the tents, so they were put away wet. Accept it. Those are the things that let everyone know that they are needed, and that is a priceless lesson. Next time they will do better.(This message has been edited by venividi)

[Hawkrod]

Yeah, it stinks but like a lot of others have already pointed out, there are significant benefits. A big part of why I am a leader is what it gets my boys. The extras so to speak, going to camps, helping staff events etc... The benefits to the boys extra efforts is in more and greater experiences. I doubt that I would be staffing camp every summer if the boys did not go with me. Being with them is why I do it. Other boys cut short and go home but I also know their fathers spend less time with them and many of them would rather spend more time with me. I do it and it costs my boys at times but they also know there are benefits to them and they pretty much quit whining a long tme ago because they realized that like most things in life you have to earn it. My 13 year old is working on his Eagle, has nearly 35 merit badges and is an achiever. This did not happen because I was sitting on his head making him do it, it happened because he has had so many opportunities that came along related to all that I do. Soetimes it is lousy but then the good times are better than the best times others have. JMO

[Nike]

Basement,

 

Next time maybe you should incorparate at hour for all the boys for resetting the tents to dry at your house. Then take everyone over to the pick-up point. Maybe stash some icey-pops in the freezer for after.

 

I know your pack is very low-income. Is there any possibility that some civic organization would be willing to donate cash so you could purchase a set of 15 sleeping bags to be kept at the pack storage (Possibly this is your garage, and Mrs. Basement has put her foot down.)

 

Keep at it. You are doing more good than you know.

 

 

 

 

[Scoutfish]

Basement,

 

I've been still thinking about your post ever since I read it, even though I have already responded to it.

 

And it reminded me of a part of growing up.

 

My family wasn't poor by the standards of our community. But we were far from rich. My dad retrired from the US Coast Guard and during the last 7 years of being in the serviuce, he spent 90% of his vacation time building the house we lived in after he retired.

 

He made sure it had comfortable size rooms and a huge kitchhen abd living room. Said he spent enough time in cramped houses during his enlistment. So the house was a big 3 bedroom ( single bath though) brick house on 2 acres of land in a town that had Hud housing and people who grew up in and lived in 650 sq foots houses on a yard that was hardly bigger than the housre.

 

By todays standards, that house is on the small side.

 

So anyways, people thought we were rich. But truth was, it was two adults and 3 kids living off retirement and his commercial fishing income. There were times my dad couldn't rub two nickles together. But we never went hungry or naked.

 

Meanwhile, alot of my friends at school were rolling in teir parents money. They always had the best and nicest clothes and toys. I have a used bicycle That I save up for. Their mom and dads bought them brand new motored dirt bikes and go carts every year. I spent years saving up and bought a Yamaha dirt bike and fixed it up because it didn't run. Their parentys went out and bought those brand new 4 wheeler ATV things that just came out.

 

When I was 14, I started saving up for my first ride. Just before I was 16, I got bit by the self importnat and arrogance casrrying bug and thought that my dad was gonna buy me a truck for my 16 birthday.

 

Boy was I ever dissapointed!

 

I acted like a big ass over it and got mad and jumped onm the self pity train.

 

WEll, my dad tells me a few days later that he couldn't afford to buy me aused vehicle, much lass a new one.

 

Then he said something I have never forgotten to this day :

 

"SOn, even if I could afford to buy you a brand new truck, I wouldn't do it. You'd never appreciate it and you wouldn't learn anything."

 

So....many, many years later, I watched as all my high falootin friends parentys passed away. Turns out my rriends had no concept of what to do. They didn't know how to work because they never had to,. They didn't understand how to make money to pay their bills becvause they never had to.

 

They didn't understand anything except " No worry, mom and dad will take care of it"

 

So now here I am..40 years old, with a wife, son, 2 psychotic dogs, 3 vehicles , two homes, and an awesome wwod working shop, and two boats. My truck is a 1995 Ford F-150 that I will keep until it cannot take any more band-aids on it. One house is brick and the other is a single wide trailer. All of them are paid off.

 

My son has more than what I had, but he appreciates it too.

 

At ten years old, he prefers going outside and getting extreamly dirty over tv or video games. He ,loves to camp, and althought he's rather just do what he wants to do ( like any kid) he does do chores ands already knows the value of saving maoney for stuff he wants.

 

Unlike his cousins and friends, he will be self sufficient when he grows up.

 

I have no doubt your son will too. LIfe isn't always fun and games.

 

Our boys know that now, the rest will figure it out later on.

 

So, I think you have the right plan going on. Your son dos kore than the others, but you also cut him slack too.

 

 

Sounds like you have a good balance going on.

 

Whew! My fingers are tired!

 

[Callooh! Callay!1428010939]

Yea, you think these kids have it tough...

 

Try being a leader's son in a boy led troop!

 

[83Eagle]

Another side to this is that after many events, I reflect and think, gee it would have been nice to just enjoy the event and for my son and I to spend time together like the other dads got to without being the organizer and go-to guy for every problem.

 

So, I have gotten better at delegating.

 

On the flip side, my son attends many more events, and I think gets much more out of scouting itself, because I am a leader.

 

It's funny that some parents will scoff when the "leaders kid" gets a bunch of awards assuming he got pencil whipped, when the reality is that it is because the boy simply does more.

[Basementdweller]

Just got back from another weekend camping.....

 

Son and I pitched our tents to dry, he has gone thru his patrols food tote and did the inventory. emptied packs, cloths sorted.

 

Not a complaint.

 

sat down on couch he came over sat down next to me, rested he head on my shoulder and said "Dad, I had fun and when are we going canoeing, I can't wait"

 

It was only a moment, but it was what I needed to hear.

[jtswestark]

Paycheck!

[perdidochas]

Being a leader's son (from my observation as a leader and from talking to my sons) is both good and bad. The good--they go on more outings, and get to horse around with the other leader's sons in a non-structured way. Many times the highlight of my boys' meetings were the horsing around after they put up tables. The bad--the extra work, and the time your dad is spending helping others. That said, my oldest is the first of his cohort (his Webelos Den, now scout patrol) to get to 2nd class, and he's almost at first class. Why? He shows up and participates at most activities. I have few doubts that my youngest will be about the same way.

[AnnLaurelB]

May I add that since I often hold my son's Den meeting at my house, and sometimes Pack stuff, too, if we need a wide open space (our CO church is land-locked), my son LOVES that everyone comes to HIS house!

 

He gets to share his climbing tree, his swing, his basketball hoop, his big backyard, and he gets to show off his dog and his turtle. He thinks he's big stuff (AND it's an opportunity to teach him to be a gracious host).

 

And BONUS! He *earns* his weekly dues from me by helping with set up and tear-down. He's supposed to earn the buck, anyway. If that means blowing leaves out of the carport or putting away basketballs and rinsing Solo cups (you bet your sweet bippy we recycle them!) after a meeting, pfffft. That's easy!

 

He knows I'd ask him to do that, anyway. So he may as well earn his dues that way, and avoid the additional chore that other boys (are supposed to) have to do for their dues money.

 

It IS sometimes rough on him when he has no one to help him (his dad lives in another state, so it's just me), and I'm trying to explain something to someone else. But... I told him the alternative is to find another Pack where I can just be a parent, and he was quick to announce his love for OUR Pack.

 

So, yeah. Everything is a trade-off.

[83Eagle]

So what do you think about recognizing "leaders' sons" at the end of the year or some meeting? Ya know, "it may seem like this is all creamed corn, but it can be hard being a leaders' son." Too self-aggrandizing?